 Romance/Love: June 15, 2011 Issue [#4454] |
  Romance/Love
This week: Digital Dilemma Pt. 2 Edited by: LoneKrampuswolf  
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Hello my name is LoneKrampuswolf
I thought I would shine a bit of light on a subject that has been thrown into the spot light due to the recent actions in the news. I have also included the winners of my contest, so if you have the time please give them a read.  |
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This is part two to a previous newsletter I had written. In the recent scandal that has rocked the political landscape dealing with Anthony Weiner and the photo's that he happened to be sending out to an internet friend. I find that the world wide web has opened a slew of new rules for relationships dealing with infidelity.
The Internet has made it easy to view pornography and even have Internet affairs or "cyber-sex." In fact, 8 to 10 percent of Internet users actually become addicted to cyber-sex and one-third of divorce litigation is actually sparked by online affairs.
The big questions are: Is cyber-sex considered cheating? Is it actually adultery and what should you do if you suspect that your spouse is having an online affair? How close is a cyber-affair to a real affair? How easy is it to cross that line?
Internet infidelity can turn into an emotional affair where your partner withdraws from you and your relationship altogether.
The situation may even turn into a real life affair. It all depends on the people involved, where they live, and how serious the relationship is.
It's easy to say that online relationships are "not real" because they involve screen names and no physical contact, but they're just as real as any other form of cheating.
Losing your partner, his or her intimacy, and the broken trust can cause a mental scarring as deep as a full-blown physical affair would.
If Internet infidelity is destroying your relationship.
It could mean that your relationship has stopped offering something that your partner seeks elsewhere. If you have managed to nip the online affair in the bud and it hasn't progressed too far, you might like to give your relationship another chance. Talk to him/her and get them to reveal what they were looking for. Attention, conversation, excitement, alleviating boredom, loneliness, whatever it is, reassure them that you are ready and willing to provide it.
Seek professional help if required, to sort through issues. If your partner was spending too much time on the computer, it could be an indication that either he was neglecting you or you were neglecting him. Remedy that instantly. Make it a priority to spend time together and focus on each other.
Also remember that just like a chain smoker craves nicotine and goes into withdrawal when denied it, so too will your Internet junkie. It is an addiction and you will have to be there to help stave off the cravings. So provide a distraction, if necessary, indulge in a new interest that you both enjoy and will provide a greater opportunity for you to spend time together. And let your partner know that if he or she is truly committed to strengthening your relationship, they have to cooperate.
What should you do if you were being unfaithful online and you want to stop?
Ultimately, no one can help you unless you want to be helped and help yourself. If you were indulging in Internet infidelity, don't pass it off as harmless and justify it by saying you were only chatting. Why can't you chat with your spouse or spend that time with him/her?
The first part is acknowledging and admitting that it is damaging your relationship and has upset and hurt your partner. You are looking elsewhere to satisfy some craving for attention or sexual excitement that you lack in your relationship.
Spend time with your spouse doing things together and restrict Internet usage to business or personal emails to friends. Do not get into chat rooms of any kind, and if you were using a certain email ID previously, change it, so that you are not tempted by any further communication from potential chat mates.
To avoid getting drawn into Internet infidelity again, avoid getting online when you're on your own. Do it in the presence of your partner until you can trust yourself again.
As the digital age increases so I believe will the ways intimate relationships are formed, defined, and upheld.
It has been an honor being your editor this week.
LoneKrampuswolf
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