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This week: My First "Real" Job - Part 2 Edited by: Sophurky  
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Two blondes had driven across the country to see Disney World in Florida. As they approached the final stretch of highway, they saw a sign saying "Disney World Left." After which the driver blonde said "Oh well!" and started driving back home.
Hi, I'm Sophurky ~ your editor for this edition of the Comedy Newsletter. Last month -- "Comedy Newsletter (April 21, 2010)" -- in an attempt to spark your comedy muse I shared about my first "real job" after high school, specifically about the "orientation" to prepare for my work at the Magic Kingdom (Disneyland in Anaheim). In part 2, this week I'll share about actually working there! My guess is that you too have some funny stories about your first job, and I invite you to write about it (and send me a link when you do)! |
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My First Real Job -- Part 2
Soon after the nightmarish strangely cultish once in a lifetime experience of my two-day orientation at Disney U, the next step was to discover where I would be working in the Magic Kingdom. I was very excited to find out what new adventures lay ahead of me as I embarked on my new career. Would I be a tour guide on the Jungle Cruise? Perhaps I would sell Mickey Mouse ears in one of the many stores? Or maybe I'd get to sell balloons to little children, or better yet, sit on a stool and take tickets at the front gate. Perhaps I'd love my job so much, and be so good at it, I'd forgo my college plans, stay with the company, and eventually become a Disney executive.
Alas, that was not to be my fate. As I went to the locker dressing rooms behind Space Mountain "backstage" to pick up my costume for the next day, I was shocked by the goldish/orange blouse over which I was supposed to wear the ugliest smock/jumper I'd ever seen. I believe that the large insects scattered all over the smock were supposed to be honey bees, or perhaps bumble bees. However no matter how one looked them, even after squinting one's eyes, they appeared to be large houseflies. I would post a picture of that outfit but fortunately unfortunately I did not let my mother or anyone take a photo of me while during my employment at D'land. Just imagine bright orangey-gold with giant black houseflies ... and you'll pretty much have it.
To round out the outfit I was to wear support hose and white nursing-type shoes, with my hair pulled back in a ponytail to better fit the hairnet I would be adorning. Yes friends, I was going to be working in the Disney equivalent of McDonald's in Fantasyland. Only instead of working beneath golden arches I would be slinging hash underneath a large circus tent with plenty of serving windows all the way around. There I would sell overpriced burgers, hot dogs, fries, and soda to hot, overweight, impatient tourists "guests" who were there to make my life a living hell enjoy a special day with loved ones in the Magic Kingdom.
Occasionally the gods would smile on me I would be "lent out" to two of the other food service facilities in Hell Fantasyland -- the Welch's Grape Juice stand, where I got to wear a pretty purple dress with a white apron over it and only had to serve and sell grape juice -- white, red, and purple. I enjoyed working there as it was quieter and easier since we pretty much only sold grape juice, and the outfit was cute. Sadly I didn't get sent there too often. The other food service in Fantasyland back then was the "Chicken of the Sea" pirate ship, where we served food buffet style to the guests as they moved through a line. Our main job was to keep the buffet line stocked with tuna salad and other "fishy" themed foods (and pastries, which I will share more about next month). And the outfit was my favorite -- we got to dress somewhat like pirates, minus the eye patch and shoulder-parrot -- with a dark black skirt, peasant type blouse, a sash of some sort and of course, a pirate hat (which covered the hair net well). It could be hard work over at the Pirate Ship keeping the food stocked, but it was air conditioned and once again, the outfit was cute. Sadly, as with the Welch's stand, I only got to work there about once a week if I was lucky.
Instead I spent most of my time working under the circus tent, which was not air conditioned, and we servers were much too close to the grill for my liking (it was in the center of our circular work space), and much too busy. But I slogged away all summer long, standing for my entire eight hour shifts basically asking people if they wanted fries with that, and listening to them complain about how expensive everything was, as if I, the minimum wage 18 year old employee, could do anything about that. So I had to find a way to make it fun. And I did.
Back then (late 70's) the Pepsi Challenge was all the rage. Pepsi would set up blind taste tests around the country, giving people a small cup of Pepsi and Coca Cola, asking which they liked better. Supposedly almost all of the self-described Coke lovers would end up loving Pepsi (which frankly, is just not possible -- Pepsi sucks, but I digress). Now at the Magic Kingdom, in our effort to give everyone everything they could ever want or need, we offered both Coke and Pepsi at our soda fountains. It was the least we could do after asking them to fork over their life-savings for a day at Disneyland.
As was often the case, I would serve them their drinks while they were waiting for their food to finish cooking, and it would occur to them to ask me for one Coke and one Pepsi so that they could do their own Pepsi Challenge right then and there. The idea was that I would know which was which (because the soda fountains were on my side of the counter, beneath their view) and they, while waiting for the rest of their order, could taste each one and try to guess. Then I would tell them if they were right or wrong. That was the idea anyway. Of course, I could never just go along with the plan.
Instead I would fill both cups with Coke, or both with Pepsi, not telling them of course. And then I would try to keep a straight face while they would go back and forth from straw to straw, trying to figure out which was which, and literally, I kid you not, noticing a difference in the taste of the two drinks which came from the same fountain! Then, depending on my mood, no matter which one they guessed was Pepsi, I'd either say yes or no when all along they were both the same drink. My favorite moments were when someone would "correctly" guess the Pepsi (after I gave them two cokes), and I would affirm their correct choice and then they would dance with glee and repeat loudly, over and over, "I KNEW IT! I KNEW THAT ONE WAS PEPSI!" Yes sir, you sure know your soft drinks.
Hey, I had to do something to get through the day. And with the SS Officer manager keeping a close eye on us at all times, we had to be careful about how we "gave it to the man."
Next month part 3 -- my final installment -- how the Disney corporation and I parted ways ... 
Sophurky |
Below you'll find some offerings from other WDC members about working/jobs:
These first come from "The Writer's Cramp" where the prompt was to write a Comedy Journal or Dear Diary entry about your first day at work at a brand new job. The first one was the winning entry for that day, as well as some other very funny takes on the prompt.
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And a few others from around the site:
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Now for a few comments about Part 1 of "My First Real Job:"
From Katya the Poet 
I laughed till I farted couldn't breathe!
Oh dear -- sounds like you needed the Heimlich maneuver! Sorry about that. My bad.
    
From Annette 
That was one fun letter about orientation. I don't write comedy well, but you make me want to read more of it now.
Give it a try -- you may write comedy better than you think, and if not, reading it can be even more fun! 
From Ralph 
Hiya,
Very clever by the moderator about D.U.. The lined through words, the feel this reader go that the writer has actually been there.
Well done!
R.R.
Glad you enjoyed it -- and yes, I WAS actually there!
From robert.atwood
I found thinking about my first paying job to be a wonderful muse. It brought back some wonderful memories that may ultimately wind up in a story. My first job was shagging golf balls at a driving range for $5 an hour in a big rubber suit and a target on my back...If a golfer hit me or the target they won a free bucket of balls. My instructions were to ignore the balls as if they were not there. Oh the memories. I really enjoyed this and can't wait for your next.
I hope this finds you well and in good spirits.
Robert Thomas Atwood
And I can't wait to see if you end up writing about your first job -- please let me know if you do!
From Phyllis 
Ah, how we well-meaning parents can encourage our innocent children on to new adventures, which may not always turn out to be remembered fondly. But - sometimes such an "adventure" at least provides good fodder for a hilarious story later on!
We begged you and Dad to let us work there -- it was our own fault, not yours.
From LJPC - the tortoise
I wish that I could rate this newsletter as it's one of the funniest I've ever read. I loved your struck-through asides. The humor was vivid. The Osmonds on caffeine! What a terrifying hilarious thought. I look forward to the next installment.  -- Laura
Thank you for your kind words, so glad you enjoyed it!
From scribbler
I'm a bit jealous. I've always wanted to be one of the costumed people at Disney. I came sort of close when I almost went on tour with Disney on Ice. I backed out though and opted to go to university instead. My skating career may be over but I'm proud to be an academic.
The costumed people were very hot and grumpy -- it wasn't as fun as it appeared (getting overheated, being kicked by children, etc.). I think you made the right choice!
That's all for this month -- see you next time! And on behalf of the other regular Comedy Newsletter Editors, King Robert Waltz  and Queen Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥmas  remember to WRITE AND LAUGH ON! Sophurky
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Comedy: May 19, 2010 Issue [#3737]
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