 Comedy: April 21, 2010 Issue [#3681] |
  Comedy
This week: Edited by: Sophurky  
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My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned, I couldn’t concentrate.
Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe.
Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was exhausting.
Hi, I'm Sophurky ~ your editor for this edition of the Comedy Newsletter. Summer is quickly approaching in the Northern Hemisphere and that means teens will be venturing out into the workforce, some of them for the first time. So for the next two issues of the Comedy Newsletter that I edit (April 21 and May19) we'll talk about the foible of first jobs! |
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My First "REAL" Job
Need something to spark your comedy muse? Have you considered writing about your first job experience? I don't mean when you babysat for your neighbor or mowed lawns when you were 13 -- I mean your first REAL job, where you left your home, your street, your neighborhood and went to work for "the man." Chances are, your first job is rich in comedy gold -- I know mine was! In fact mine was SO comedic, I'm breaking this article into two parts. Part 1 -- New Job "Orientation." Next month in Part 2 you'll hear about the actual job.
Part 1 -- Sophy's First Job
My first "real" job occurred the summer after high school graduation. I grew up in Anaheim, CA because my father worked at Disneyland -- which meant that each of his children had to were given the opportunity to work at the Tragic Magic Kingdom as well. My older brother and sister started the summer after they graduated from HS, so my fate was sealed. Which, before I actually started working there, I thought was cool. My friends were jealous and I was very excited about my new job. Until reality set in.
The first thing that happens after you are hired by Disney is that you are required to attend a two-day cultish brainwashing orientation seminar called "Disney University." You MUST graduate from said "seminar" before you are released to work among the crazy tourists guests of the park -- but at least you are paid to be there, which is the only positive thing about sitting for two days in a large auditorium with a roomful of other soon to be Disney hostages cast members, being indoctrinated oriented to the life of a Disney Cast Member.
I should inject here that part of the "seminar" is learning the Disney language. We are not employees, we are Cast Members. The people we "serve" are not tourists, they are Guests. We do not "go to work" we are On Stage. We do not wear uniforms, we wear Costumes. And on and on and on and on ........
The most crazy interesting part of Disney U involved the Cast Members who were on the "faculty" of Disney U -- three annoyingly peppy enthusiastic young people -- probably college students -- who came out on the stage wearing what I can only describe as Disney Cheerleader Outfits. They had on white pants, white tennis shoes, and long-sleeved, red, white, and blue "cheerleaderish" sweaters with a big blue "D" on the front. I suspect they were also wearing mouse ears but that could just be in my mind and not an actual fact. From the moment they came on-stage to suck out our brains teach us, to the moment they left eight hours later that first day, they were the most energetic, peppy, frenetic Disney cult members ambassadors you can imagine. Think Osmonds, only peppier -- on caffeine.
I am not joking when I say that these three Stepford children Disney U Faculty Members had smiles permanently frozen on their faces -- except when you answered a question wrong. I remember after watching an orientation video about the "language of Disney" they stood up there with little packets of candy, quizzing us about the proper terms to use while "On Stage." If you raised your hand and shouted out the right answer after they called on you, they smiled and gently tossed a bag of candy at you. If you shouted out the answer without being called on, or got the wrong answer -- watch out. One kid next to me, after being asked, "Okay Cast Members -- what do you wear when you are On Stage at the Magic Kingdom each day?!?" shouted out, without raising his hand, "A fake smile and a ridiculous outfit?"
Remember that scene in Lord of the Rings, when Bilbo gets his hands on the ring one last time and Frodo reaches for it to take it back? Remember when Bilbo's face flashed from normal-Bilbo to Gollum-like Bilbo for that split second? That's what these DU Faculty smiles turned into as they shouted "NO!" in unison at him and then shunned the poor kid for the rest of the Day. In fact, I am pretty sure he flunked DU.
UnFortunately for me I survived my two days of hell Disney U and graduated. And after being fitted for my Costume, my new job would officially begin the next day. I could hardly wait .... but you, dear reader, will have to wait until next month to find out just what job I did at the Magic Kingdom. 
In the meantime, send me your "first job" comedy stories and I'll feature them next month in the Highlights section!
Sophurky |
Below you'll find some offerings from other WDC members about first jobs:
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This actually happened to me the first time I tried to call in sick from my first job.
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And a couple about Disneyland itself, including one of my own which proves just how scarred I am from the experience, lol:
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Now for a few comments about my last newsletter about my black thumb and my poor gardens ...
From Coolhand
I always love reading whatever newsleters you write, I found your black thumb confessions especially delightful. But I'd bet your gardens look just fine.
Well thank you very much for the kind words -- as for my gardens, it's early yet. Just give me time!
     
From faithjourney
I don't understand how I can grow roses well and struggle growing tomatos. I thought roses were high maintenance and tomatos were low? I have no idea. My thumb must be some shade of yellow.
Best of luck to us both with our gardens!
I have the complete opposite problem -- tomatoes coming out the wazoo but the poor roses ... Maybe we can work out a trade? 
From Katya the Poet 
Thanks for putting my silly gardening poem in your Comedy Newsletter, and I, too, plant perennials! Plus, there are many fine flowering weeds!
One person's weed is another person's beautiful flower garden!
From werden
It starts out innocently enough -- I plant tender little baby flower plants in the garden with love and "car", giving them food and water and, if need be, shelter from the cold.
I think I may have found your problem.
Giving them car is probably not too healthy for them.
:)
Thanks so much -- problem solved!
From LJPC - the tortoise
Hi Sophy! Funny, funny newsletter. Gardening isn't my thing as I have a 'black' thumb like you do. I used to buy silk plants to hang in the flat, but then realized I had to dust them every once in a while. That was clearly too much work, so I gave them to a neighbor and am now blissfully greenery-free.  -- Laura
Oh yes, the dusting can be so tedious, lol. Smart woman!
From Smiling Jack
Thank you,Sophy,for including my piece among your featured items in your Comedy Newsletter.
It's always fun to run with other comedy writers...birds of feather sort of thing. Love it.
Jack
You are most welcome -- THANK YOU for making me laugh on a regular basis.
That's all for this month -- see you next time! And on behalf of the other regular Comedy Newsletter Editors, Robert Waltz  and Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ  remember to WRITE AND LAUGH ON! Sophurky
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