 Romance/Love: July 22, 2009 Issue [#3178] |
  Romance/Love
This week: Edited by: Fyn-elf  
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“Fighting is essentially a masculine idea; a woman's weapon is her tongue.”~~Hermione Gingold
“The painful warrior famous for fight, After a thousand victories, once foil'd, Is from the books of honor razed quite, And all the rest forgot for which he toil'd”~~ William Shakespeare
"People who fight fire with fire usually end up with ashes."~~ Abigail Van Buren
"You cannot love a thing without wanting to fight for it." ~~Gilbert K. Chesterton
"If you are losing a tug-of-war with a tiger, give him the rope before he gets to your arm. You can always buy a new rope." ~~Max Gunther
"No matter how much the cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens." ~~
Abraham Lincoln
"Acts of kindness may soon be forgotten, but the memory of an offense remains." ~~Proverb
“Discussion is an exchange of knowledge; argument is an exchange of ignorance” ~~Robert Quillen
“My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.” ~~Jack Benny
“Great leaders are almost always great simplifiers, who can cut through argument, debate and doubt, to offer a solution everybody can understand.” ~~Colin Powell
“People's minds are changed through observation and not through argument” ~~Will Rogers
"It was an argument that never should have happened,” ~~ Coolhand
and finally, but most importantly,
"Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" ~~ John Gray,PhD |
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Observations and realizations while remodeling...
Ah..the argument. What is romance without the occasional disagreement. After all, if one didn't care, why would one fight? There'd be no point, right? Ummm.
My husband and I have yet to have a 'fight' or an argument. Occasionally, we have a 'loud' discussion. We each defend our positions, but we don't use 'fighting' words, don't call the other names, and try very hard to keep the discussion impersonal, keeping to the facts and logistics of the disagreement. When all is said and done, we usually rack it up to the last quote above.
Why? Because we realize that we often are seeing an issue from totally different perspectives. Neither perspective is right, or wrong, just different.
For example, we are doing much remodeling after the fire. Right now, the dining room is on the agenda. Most of the wallpaper and border are up. (We ran out, even though we measured and figured out what amounts we needed--we just 'forgot' about the vast amounts that get lost when matching patterns!) The color we used to paint the chair rails doesn't work, thus necessitating a redetermination of colors vs staining--regardless, we have to start over and possibly buy more molding depending. Honestly, I have no clue what we finally decided on that venue. While he and his buddy (who'd helped put up said wallpaper) went off to celebrate their job well done over a round of golf, I went shopping and found some cool stuff to go up on the newly papered walls that perfectly (!) matched the border.
We each arrived home. He was excited because he'd only lost by one stroke. I was excited because of the marvelous finds I'd found. We shared our adventures. I showed him the 'stuff.'
We weren't finished with the wallpapering, and we've yet to even buy the new flooring, so the room wasn't 'done' yet so why was I getting the 'fussy stuff?' He was also under the impression I wanted that stuff up now. (I didn't--the walls weren't finished yet--duh!) I envisioned the finished room, perfectly accessorized-- he was focusing on the job at hand and the following steps.
Mars vs Venus. While the pup was busy insisting that playing with her took vast precedence over our discussion, we went round and round over the 'correct' way to proceed and which perspective was more valid. This segued into a discussion on how the house was beginning to look like HGTV had come in and how he wasn't quite sure he was happy with the house looking 'fussied' up. It wasn't what he was used to.
I knew that. I understood that. I was (quite frankly) tired of bland neutral colors, bare walls and 'bachelor pad' decor. So yes, the eleven point buck now graces the computer room instead of the dining room and the LaBatt Blue mirrors are in the family room along with the Redwing hockey sticks, and other sports paraphernalia down by his bar.
We head off to go price the new flooring and to pick out the new kitchen floor only to discover that both stores we needed closed earlier than we had thought. Wasted trip? Not in the least. Heading home, we both finally realized the whole discussion was a Mars/Venus thing and had a really good laugh over it. He loved the stuff I got to finish the dining room, and I know that none of it goes up until it is finished (according to him) and then I get to 'finish it.' At the annual Christmas party everyone will ohh and ahh over it, with the guys focusing on the flooring and the women liking the whole picture. Perspectives. Different, not one being more right than the other.
We never got mad, we played with the dog, and I think I'm supposed to order both wallpaper and border, but I'm not sure. We'll figure it out tonight.
Point of all this is that no relationship runs smoothly all the time. The little bumps in the road and the major crashes are not stumbling blocks, but stepping stones to new understandings. Men and women do not think alike. We think, perceive and react differently. Our focuses are different. Not right or wrong, just different.
When incorporating a disagreement or argument or down right battle of wills into our writing, these are a few things to consider that we should remember. Conflict in the form of a disagreement advances the story and the characters should grow from it. Every bit as much as we should in real life. Will said disagreement matter ten years down the road? Is it worth fighting for or over? Does one 'give in' gracefully or defend their point ad nauseum? Does one or the other pout or do they fall into bed and spend the night making up? Do they realize that they were over-reacting and have a good laugh over it and get back to the business at hand?
The differences in people are what make them and their lives interesting. How they handle their differences regarding each other can make for good reading. It is the story, after all.
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Blueman  writes: I can relate to this letter. I have written several short stories in my portfolio about the elderly, mainly because I don't want my grandparents forgotten. These writings are fiction, however are based on the actions and ways my grandparents would have acted. Their actions and feelings of love are portrayed in these.
Pull from what we know is the writer's mantra. Perhaps you can also write some nonfiction stories about your grandparents. Memoirs are excellent to hand down the family lines.
Vivian  offers:Jean Henry Mead writes books that have an older main character. Her books are mysteries, but they always have some romance.
Thanks for the suggestion! I'll check it out!
fleckgirl says: That really is tru Fyn & I wish there was a way to ensure that a lot of the popular writers out there could hear that. It's important! I just recently turned 40, so it doesn't bother me yet, but I'm sure one day the age difference will be annoying!
Thanks for a great NL!
You're welcome and thank YOU!
Adriana Noir says:Awesome newsletter, Fyn, and a very valid point. I never stopped to think about it, but you are right, there is a large target audience being left out of the picture here. Romance and love are viable at any age.
Yes.
Jaye P. Marshall  comments: Great newsletter, Fyn. I loved your tale about the romantic seniors and believe your carnival friend had some valid points. Hmmmm . . .
From the amount of comments received, I think so too!
sarahreed said: Love is for anyone of any age. Thanks for reminding all of us of that truth.
It surely is!
Sandy~HopeWhisperer mentions: Such a wonderful newsletter! As I approach this era in my life that has me on the bottom side of 50 I can certainly relate!
We never out-grow the need to have that special someone to share tender moments with. Even when we may be forced to do so, we always yearn for it to return. If we have that in our lives, we desire for it to continue until....the end of life.
I remember my mom 'talking' to my dad, long after he'd passed away. 'Kept him close.' she always said.
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