 Comedy: July 15, 2009 Issue [#3163] |
  Comedy
This week: Edited by: Sophurky  
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For those keyboard jockeys (those with jobs that require sitting at a computer all day) who don't want to spend the money for those fancy exercise machines, here is a little secret for building arm and shoulder muscles. Three days a week is best.
Begin by standing (in your cubicle works well) with a five pound potato sack in each hand. Extend your arms straight out to your sides and hold them there as long as you can.
After a few weeks, move up to ten pound potato sacks and then fifty pound potato sacks, and finally get to where you can lift a one hundred pound potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.
Next, start putting a few potatoes in the sacks.
Hi, I'm Sophurky ~ your editor for this edition of the Comedy Newsletter ~ where this week we'll talk about how to lead healthier, happier, leaner lives. |
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How to Trim the Excess Fat OR
The Pain Joy of Exercise
Inside me there's a thin person struggling to get out,
but I can usually sedate her with four or five cupcakes.
I live in the United States, and we sure are one unhealthy bunch of fat lazy slobs, aren't we? In fact, we in the US are so unhealthy we rank #24 in the world, according to the WHO (World Health Organization, not the singing group), who studies this sort of thing. One of the most industrialized, modern nations in the western world and we rate #24?? For goodness sakes, the country of Malta is healthier than we are and I don't even know where that is! Here's the list:
1. Japan
2. Australia
3. France
4. Sweden
5. Spain
6. Italy
7. Greece
8. Switzerland
9. Monaco
10. Andorra
11. San Marino
12. Canada
13. Netherlands
14. United Kingdom
15. Norway
16. Belgium
17. Austria
18. Luxembourg
19. Iceland
20. Finland
21. Malta
22. Germany
23. Israel
24. United States of America
That's just embarrassing (if you are from the US) -- though it's pretty cool if you are from Japan, Australia, or France (FRANCE?!?!) We are #1 when it comes to spending money on medical care (YAY for us!) but we are #24 in overall health? So what's the secret Italy and Spain? What helps you remain in the top 10 since we all know your people live full, robust lives? What? It's about a healthy diet and plenty of exercise? Darn, I was hoping you would tell me it's all in the pasta and paella.
Oh well -- are you willing to try, fellow Americans (and anyone else below #24 on the list -- I'm looking at YOU, Ireland and New Zealand) to move up higher on the list and be healthier? Or what about you, United Kingdom? I wouldn't get too proud about being #14, especially since Canada is kicking your British butts. Are you ready to put down the bag of pork rinds and beer (or in the UK, chips and ale) and munch on some carrot sticks and drink your 8 glasses of water? Naw, me neither, but maybe we could do better with exercising.
I realize that as you sit at your computer reading this newsletter, you may wonder what kind of exercise would be right for you. And I am here to help guide you on your path to better health. I tried swimming, but it's hard to check your email underwater, and tends to shorten the life of a laptop computer. But there are things you can do while sitting at your computer. For instance, stand up while you are reading this, just to get your blood flowing to your brain a little better so that you can absorb this important information I am about to impart. I SAID STAND UP! 
<patiently waits for you to stand up and readjust your monitor so that you can read this>
Okay, now, before I go any further, sit back down. We don't want you do overdo it on your first day of the new you. Now tomorrow, try standing up and sitting down two times, then three times the next day, and so on. In no time you'll be on your way to a healthier, happier you, I swear! And guess what -- laughing burns a lot of calories. No, really, it does. And it's good for your heart. So for those of us not willing to give up the hot wings and margaritas, maybe we could help people be healthier by making them, and ourselves, laugh. Want a head-start? Check out this video on Youtube -- it's funny AND offers a helpful exercise option:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQcVllWpwGs&feature=player_embedded
Now, check out the funny items below about exercising -- I bet you lose at least 10 pounds from laughing by reading them!
Sophurky |
Below you'll find some offerings from other WDC members about exercise:
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Have an opinion on what you've read here today? Then send the Editor feedback! Find an item that you think would be perfect for showcasing here? Submit it for consideration in the newsletter!
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Now for a few comments about my last newsletter about finding comedy writing inspiration from Facebook:
From Storm Machine 
She called me pretty?  Thank you, Miss Sophy, but are you sure you weren't looking at the little baby Tempest?
I'm quite sure -- though the baby is quite pretty too! Must take after her Momma. 
     
From THANKFUL SONALI Library Class! 
Sophy, you are the best! Actually, U R the best. I often chuckle about FB stuff, especially 'friend's friend's' comments about photos and things like that --- I get a 'notification' that Jane Doe has commented on John Smith's photo ... and I go ... excuse me, I needed to know that because ... ? But anyway I click on that link and see the comment I was notified about ... it is ... "Awwwww".
- Sonali
I do exactly the same thing, lol.
From *Jenny* 
For quite a while now, all I've been coming to wdc for is to check mail & run my contest. Facebook & myspace have been getting my attention more lately. I have still yet to go through all the items in the newsletter, but thanks to you, I need to go to facebook now. Eventually, I will get all the way through this newsletter. Baby steps. I'll take baby steps...!
STEP AWAY FROM FACEBOOK ... I repeat ... step away from Facebook!
From Shannon 
Hilarious NL, Sophy! I just signed up for Twitter last week and am now headed over to FB. What can I say? I'm a late bloomer. Your NL convinced me I'm missing out. I wanna be poked! Wait ... that didn't come out right.
So far I have managed to avoid any tweeting at Twitter. Or is that twittering? 
That's all for this month -- see you next time! And on behalf of the other regular Comedy Newsletter Editors, Robert Waltz  and Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ  remember to WRITE AND LAUGH ON! Sophurky
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