 Comedy: June 24, 2009 Issue [#3102] |
  Comedy
This week: Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥmas  
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Several years ago, my estranged husband and I, tried to do some quick repairs and embellishments to the house in preparation for our daughter’s wedding reception.
Allow a man, soon to be an ex, to replace a loose banister ... let the games begin ...
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Hello again, folks. Gee, what has happened to me since the last time we met? Oh, yeah, I became the victim of shoddy carpentry. 
I know some of you out there have been through the final days of a marital relationship. You just want to make a smooth transition from being the outdated housewife to the new babe on the scene. Don’t laugh, it ain’t funny. Even Web~Witches find they have reached their limit. Some witches take decades to realize this.  Okay, okay, so I’m a little slow in the get up and go department. Hey, if I were so action oriented, I’d be an editor of the Action/Adventure Newsletter. No, I’m WW, and I belong right here with the Comedy Newsletter. Nevertheless, if you haven’t subscribed to the aforementioned Newsletter, I suggest you give it a whirl. 
Now that I have plugged another Newsletter here on WDC, I just want to say that I am not favoring one Newsletter over the other, they are all brilliant with fabulous editors. Check them out!  However, I digress, yet again.
The point is, when an estranged couple is preparing for their daughter’s wedding, nerves are frazzled, money is tight and the weekend carpenter is born. With a couple days, some nails and lumber, the dad of the bride took apart the unsafe, older porch and replaced it with the newer, larger model, fit for guests and grill. Which brings us to the future, which is now.
Recently I went to the back porch of my antique New England home and complimented my guy over the fine job he has been doing around the grounds. We got into a discussion about what was an invasive weed or wasn't, and where, oh, where did all my good weeds like mint, go?
He pointed to the spearmint, small and competing to flourish amid the strange, unidentifiable leaves choking its existence and said he would set them free to become once again the royalty of the garden weeds.
Suddenly, my eyes caught a tiny sprig of growth below the porch. It was peppermint! In my excitement, I leaned forward to show him exactly where the other good weed was hiding so he wouldn’t take it out in his mission to destroy all that is invasive.
It happened suddenly, yet in slow motion, if that makes any sense. As I leaned against the banister of the porch, it released its less than death grip from the post it was attached to and fell forward. (Actually, it looked more like a giant frisbee gliding on air, right past my guy's nose.) I, not wanting to be left behind, went along for the ride. In those crucial micro-seconds of time my life passed before my eyes. Well, actually it didn’t, it was only four feet down. However, on the XYZ plane, according to my son’s trigonometry equations, I was probably making my dent upon the curvature of the earth at that exact second, taking into consideration the softness of the soil, the looseness of the gravel and ... who the heck am I fooling--it’s math, I’m Webwitch; we don’t get along!
I did manage to fall on softer soil, avoiding the copious amounts of stone and prickly bushes. However, I am sad to report that the peppermint I was trying to save bit the dust, along with a couple of newly blossoming blueberry bushes. Additionally, there were two inverted mounds heavily imprinted in the ground. Thank goodness I have been, well let's say, bountifully endowed. It broke the fall effortlessly! 
Anyway, after I did a Peter Pan over the porch, my dear man just went pale and yelled out, “Are you okay, Webwitch?!!!”
“Sure, Master Weblock, I’m okie-dokie here, no problem. Next time, I’ll stay on my broom. I seem to navigate that a lot better than porch circumference motion!”
Well, the dear man thought I broke bones for sure. However, I arose from the earth, speckled in dirt and grass stains, with a little nick in my dignity and a few black and blue bruises for a souvenir.
After I pulled myself together with a lingering hot shower and some time to regain my composure, I began thinking about the event. It all came back to me, those times my husband of the past would call to check how things were going. I would say, “I’m doing just great!” He would inevitably say, in a faux-caring voice, “You are? Have you done any barbecuing on the porch, this season?” 
Uh, do you think he knew something I didn’t? All I know is I will not set foot on the front porch roof that he patched-up before he left. 
Disclaimer:
The events that happened in this Newsletter are true. The people, places and things surrounding the circumstances have been disguised to protect the innocent vegetation involved and the well-meaning, inexperienced, carpenter wanna-be. However, it is all meant to warn my fellow readers that you must make sure that the one you ask to do crucial repairs at your home is a complete stranger--with "grade-A-bonding!"
Thanks for allowing me into your email! Huh, and I bet you wondered if I’d fit!
Until next time, laugh hard--laugh often!
Ta,
WW |
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,Submitted Comments:
Red Writing Hood <3 
Jimmy Sprinkles: Ice cream Mobster Loved it.
I'm glad you enjoyed my version of the Good Humor Man.
Thanks so much for your feedback, Red!
DRSmith 
Some real groaners there, Witch... but sometimes, the worst ones get the biggest titters... hmm, did i say that right? Anyway, speaking of names, here's one for ya.
Tom Taum, the biker's son
Stole a Hog and away he run.
Sped down the road in stormy weather,
Found him crushed in sun-dried leather
(ya got the titters yet?)
Not only have I got them, they left quite an impression in the ground as you saw in this Newsletter! 
Hey, I loved your Tom Taum, too. Thanks for the feedback and the little jingle.
faithjourney
cracked me up too. You had me thinking of Big Worm in the movie "Friday," only a bit more humerous. Thanks for the laugh!
Gee, I almost ate Earth Worm on my recent spill!
I'm so happy you got a chuckle out of Jimmy Sprinkles, the ice cream mobster. One thing's for sure about jimmies, you can lick 'em but you can't join 'em. 
Elaine's Beary Limited*~ 
Wonderful Web witch! I enjoyed this newsletter and it came at a good time. I needed a smile. Thanks!
~Elaine~
I am always happy when a reader can get a smile out of my Newsletter. It is especially gratifying that it came at a time it was needed. Thank you for your feedback, Elaine. 
drjim
WebWitch - indeed! Only you ....and I DO mean ONLY YOU ... could convince me that the Good Humour Man is also highly capable of ice cold deeds, delivers on time, works only on Sundae - you name it, all the possibilities are here! Excellent fun - all of it - and you are so right, we gotta find the funny stuff in Life no matter what! You are the BEST!
Dr J
! !
You are sooooooooooo right! If we don't find the funny in embarrassing situations, we will take so much longer to get over them. Laugh it off and move on. It prevents premature wrinkles, too!
Thanks, Doc, I always enjoy your feedback.  I'm glad you had some fun with this one.
sarahreed
What makes a piece of writing a comedy? Since comedy, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder, how can someone label something a comedy when not everyone may find it funny? I bring this up because I recently struggled writing a comedy for the Quotation Inspiration Contest. I got varying responses as to how funny my piece was. Some thought it was hilarious, some thought it was okay, some said it brought a smile to their face, some wanted it to be more romantic... So are there any rules of thumb to follow to write a universally comedic piece? Thanks!
Comedy comes from the heart and soul. You may not appeal to all the readers all of the time, however, you must be true to yourself. If you write about something that does not amuse you, your readers will know that. They are a tough audience and can tell if you are being sincere. Something that seems forced will always be off in the timing department. Timing and honest feelings are everything in comedy!
Thanks for your feedback! I hope this little recipe helps. If you have any more questions, drop me a note.
Email Comment:
indrajit_majum
Hi!
Thanks for this newsletter. I have always maintained that comedy is the toughest
form of writing. It is much easier to make your audience cry or touch them emotionally,
but making them laugh...phew...it is difficult.
Thanks to this site I will at least try and make a beginning.
Regards
PM
Welcome to WDC, and thanks for reading the Comedy Newsletter.
I think that comedy can be just as natural to a writer as drama or horror, mystery or even poetry. It comes from a muse that just won't stop nagging you until you get the words down on a blank page.
I am sure you will find your comedic voice and will do just fine in your writing. Let me know when you have a comedy piece you would like me to read.
Thank you for your feedback, folks!
We editors really enjoy and appreciate it when you leave your comments
See you in a couple weeks!
Web~Witch |
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