 Comedy: January 07, 2009 Issue [#2811] |
  Comedy
This week: Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥmas  
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As we meet and greet the new year, we tend to look back at pivotal moments of the previous year. Yes, 2008 was an amazing year--at least from my point of view. It makes one wonder how Mother Nature can wreak havoc on us, yet, we still have moments to laugh. One thing is for sure, if humor cannot be found somewhere during stressful days, then those days are guaranteed to be longer and scarier!  |
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Happy New Year, folks!
This is the time of year that we all ponder our New Year’s resolutions. Yeah, yeah, we are going to lose those extra ten pounds or so that crept up on us over the holidays--right? Ain’t gonna happen, It’s a lost cause. Forget about it. Have you forgotten already about last year’s resolution for that ten pounds, and the previous year’s ten pounds? How many more pounds is that? Don’t ask me, math is not my forte.
That we want to resolve to be better in some way is commendable. However, we need not fill our fragile minds at such a critical point in life. Soon, the mail containing all those credit card bills that helped to make us more holly, jolly, to those we love, will arrive. 
Mother Nature is a force that knows no boundaries. Let’s revisit the recent past for a moment, shall we? It was a week before Christmas when the clouds opened up and with a proud display of power, they showered an ice storm upon us. Now, picture a teen and his mom, running from window to window in the electricity challenged home, to find out what the last crack, snap and boom, was. When the windows in the darkened sky had little to offer us in the answers department, we decided to venture to the front porch. Keep in mind that out street is lined with ancient maples. In other words, big, big trees with lots of heavy limbs.
We watched as limbs cut through power and communication lines. Each time a tree would split, it sounded like shotgun fire, followed by a reverberating ka-Boom! It would hit the ground or a house, a barn, a car or some other object in its path. My son and I tried to be courageous as we sensed the danger of trees falling all around us and wondered if our house would be impaled with the next crack. At about three a.m. we decided we should go to bed and gather our strength for the major cleanup that would surely take place the next day. Yeah, like that was going to make the night pass by faster if we just pretended to sleep the hours away. Why is it we believe that if we pull the covers up over our heads the mean, nasty storm won’t affect us? Is it really possible, that if we cover our ears with a pillow, the falling tree won’t find us? 
It was not long before we heard the sound of something striking the house. This house shaking noise sent both of us running into the hallway and as a result, into each other. Stunned, but escaping major injury, we did the window dance again. We tried in vain to figure out what had hit the house.
So, what’s so funny about surviving an ice storm? Why it’s the day after the ice storm, of course! Have you ever seen the movie Jingle All the Way?” You know the one where Arnold Schwarzenegger has merely hours to get his son the number one action figure hero before the stores close on Christmas Eve? Any mother who has lived through the Cabbage Patch craze with her daughters, knows that there is no way you are going to get the desired toy if you wait until the last moment. I can tell you that trying to find the last generator or a motel room within a fifty mile radius of the storm is just as futile.
Folks, people are brutal out there. There was a mad dash to a home center store, many miles away, because someone called the radio station and said there were still generators left. Needless to say, just as we were within spitting distance of this chain store, the newscaster proclaims the generators have been sold out at the place. Well, I was not going to be discouraged by such words of negativity. After all, maybe someone called the radio station to try to throw the rest of us off track, by claiming the store was sold out of the envied machines so he could grab one for himself!
I pulled into the parking lot and was just about to roll into the space, when a seasoned citizen drove in through the empty space in the next row and right into my spot. I opened my window, and yelled,, “Hey granny, didn’t you get run over by a reindeer?” Let me say that I am not used to getting the one finger salute from my mother!
You’re right, there was no generator to be found. Instead, there was an aisle cordoned off, filled with people sitting, standing or sipping coffee, We were told it was the waiting line for the truck to arrive and deliver one hundred more generators and would we like to wait as well. Okay, sure, that makes sense--NOT! There are two hundred people waiting for a truck to arrive at four p.m. It is eleven a.m. Why on earth would I want to spend all the daylight hours sipping coffee; watching the first hundred people getting their coveted generators? I know I am no good at math, but even I could figure out the senselessness of that scenario!
Anyway, we did manage to get the last room at the inn that night while all the rest of the ice storm survivors were standing in line for a generator they most likely weren’t going to get.  Not only did we have heat, water and light, we had a pool and hot tub. Now, who really made out better under the circumstances?
My son and I were very fortunate that night. We were safe and warm and able to enjoy many of the amenities that were lost due to the storm.
Don’t make me have to tell you about the next day when we returned to our home to assess the damage. Well, okay, I’ll tell you. We kept the hotel room for several days knowing that the power would not be returned for at least that long. Thankfully I have a gas stove so that I could cook us a decent meal and save on eating out at restaurants. We did some work around the house and ate a hearty meal. The sun began to set and we headed back to the inn. What a difference five minutes can make because just as we headed down one road out of town, a very dear friend headed in on the other road that leads into town. Here is a dear soul who traveled hundreds of miles to get to us and help out, and we are nowhere to be found. The fact is we were traveling to and from the intersection at almost exactly the same time. Murphy’s Law, right? Of course it is!
Cell phones were invented for times like this. It all worked out fine. The year ended with a little more work and drama than anyone really needed at Christmastime, but we survived. Hey, you know what? I should design a t-shirt about surviving the ice storm of ‘08! Yeah, baby-it’s E-BAY-bee! I may let you know how it goes in another newsletter.
I wish all of you a very happy, healthy and prosperous New Year.
Ta,
WW
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topsey
Great newsletter as always, and a very interesting PS at the end.
NEVER TURN YOUR BACK ON A HUNGRY MAN WITH A SAW IN HAND!
I wish to offer you a little gender balance.
NEVER TURN YOUR BACK ON A HUNGRY WOMAN WITH A SORE HAND!
Take care
Steve
Thank you, Steve, for the gender balancing! I wonder--how are you at Chen balancing? 
Acme 
Nevertheless, it was better than hearing three daughters crying that I love sister X more than them.
This way they understood that I disliked them all equally! LOL!
Oh, I love your newsletters, WW; they are guaranteed to brighten my day.
This Frankentree edition is now a fave.
Why thank you, Acme! I'm so happy I could brighten your day.You constantly brighten mine and many other members days!!!
Maryann 
WW, I love to read your newsletters because you always write the most
humorous stories! I really enjoyed the Christmas tree story. ...And that
funny Santa image was hilarious! ~~Maryann
Thank you Maryann! I always enjoy your feedback.
francie
ww, your tree trauma story has me laughing out loud. I thought I was
creative on jury-rigging, but I pronounce
you the goddess of "I will make this work."
One more successful news letter. You sit on your throne of "Comedy Queen",
once again.
 You are so kind, Francie. You make me blush out loud! Keep it up.
andromeda
eh heh. Well, my parents got tired of the endless cleanup(not to mention the cats) involved with a real tree so two years ago we got two nice fake trees. they don't have the fresh pine smell of the real thing, but we aren't constantly cleaning up needles either.
Oh, but I just loved my Franken-tree.  I guess it got so frightened by the surgical procedures that it behaved. I did not have those errant pine needles on the floor!
Yeah, that's showing a tree who's boss!
Just an Ordinary Boo! 
Thanks for featuring my story in your NL.
Your story of your search for the perfect Christmas tree and the quirky solution fits neatly into my zany world. It put a smile on my face for that entire day!
Jyo
I just love your zany world, Jyo! Thanks for the feedback.
twig
Wow--even my obsessive mother has never been inspired enough to actually add branches to a tree.
...
I'll be sure not to give her the idea. XD
Thanks for a laugh!
Let's just keep that little branch thing between us, okay? Your mother will never hear it from me! Thanks for the feedback.
drjim
WebWitch - I must say that I can personally relate to this newsletter in a very telling way - no, its not the fact that for 4 summers I earned money clipping Xmas trees on lots in nearby areas but, this time, I had the
extraordinary good fortune to be invited on this Xmas Tree HUNT that I clearly wasnt prepared for - in a literal sense. I jogged along thinking, oh great, we gonna clip and snip this five footer, haul it back to the SUV and bungee cord this sunsagun to the rof - but......nah, it didnt go like that. I had the great fortune of, I swear, heading out to the Ponderosa Ranch in search of a 60 foot Douglas Fir in which it might have been easier trimming this tree with a chopper with dangling titanium trimmers you see on oil pipeline projects. But that tree DID come down, I tell ya. I was there. It didnt fall with a graceful SWOOSH it came down Bada Bing BANG! But it was all good - and Merry Xmas to all!!!
Actually, there is nothing I can add to that, Dr. J! You've been there, done that and know from whence I came.
I so enjoy your feedback. Thank you!
See you next time, folks.
Regards,
WW |
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