 Horror/Scary: September 24, 2008 Issue [#2624] |
  Horror/Scary
This week: Edited by: W.D.Wilcox  
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LEAVING BREADCRUMBS
Breadcrumbs are used to make a trail. They give your reader just enough information to make them curious and want to know more. If you sprinkle them about, they will inevitably lead your curious reader to the end of your story.
It was a perfect day and the horror of if chilled Adriana’s heart.
This is the opening line to a new story I am writing. The question it leaves in your mind is why a perfect day would instill horror.
It is the first breadcrumb.
With an uncontrollable shudder, she remembered the sacrifice made to create this perfect day of days. The sheer weight of it bowed her head and the very bones of her shoulders felt as if they would splinter and crack under a colossal mountain of dread and grief. For today, Adriana turned fifteen, and that made her eligible.
Here I drop several breadcrumbs using words like ‘sacrifice’ and ‘dread’. The biggie here is the word ‘eligible’. Eligible for what, and why would a young girl’s birthday fill her with such fear?
Within the green-veiled arms of the forest, she hid in her secret place. The terrifying storm had passed and the cool green water now slipped down from the mountainside and ran into the coiled and crooked creek. She watched as the bulging stream bubbled and gurgled around the smooth brown pebbles and reflected the melancholy pines that lined the shore. Tossing stones into a deep pool, she scrutinized the ripples as they spread in ever-widening circles before lapping at the muddy bank. She listened as the wind soughed in the trees like an ancient lamenting voice, and she remembered.
The breadcrumbs here are obvious. She is ‘hiding’ in her ‘secret place’. Why? Why was the storm terrifying, and what does she remember?
Her sister, Erin, had been chosen, and Adriana decided to risk everything by entering the woods in the hope that she could stop the inevitable.
What the hell is going on here? Why was her sister ‘chosen’? And what was she risking by entering the woods?
With each storm came the lightning, and with each brilliant flash a doorway opened. Adriana knew of the evil that came through those doorways, but the love for her sister urged her to run all the faster. The cold rain drenched her. The branches of the trees tore at her bare arms and legs.
We now get some minor detail into the mystery: the lightning causes a doorway to open; something evil enters our world, and her sister is going out to meet it. Why? For each crumb of bread we find, it only leaves us wanting to know more.
The path sloped upward. The Sacrificial Mount stood at the crest of the hill where Adriana knew she would find her sister. The first twisted stitches of lightning unraveled the cloak of the night even as she heard Erin scream.
We are running now, following the breadcrumbs up the side of the mountain. Are you with me?
The cry was short-lived and hollow. The second scream was briefer and thinner than the first—but it was unmistakably a bleat of pain and terror.
I can’t take it. Her sister is somewhere in the dark woods, rain pouring down, lightning flashing all about, and to top it all off, she is screaming in pain. The suspense is killing me!
Against the torrential rain, Adriana enters the clearing at the summit of the hill. She is awash in horror, drowning in cold currents, robbed of breath, and gasping. She sees Erin slumped upon the ground, head bent backwards.
Oh God, are we too late? What has happened, and why?
Adriana stumbles forward, nausea rippling like a fat slippery eel through her guts. Even as she approaches, she can see the wide gash in Erin’s throat. A red beard of blood glistens around her neck and chest. Her hands are at her sides. She looks innocent—asleep, but with her eyes as wide, pale, and flat as those of a dead dog Adriana once found in an ally.
Well, this doesn’t bode well for Adriana’s sister. I can only wonder and imagine what will happen next since I haven’t finished the story yet. The point I am trying to make here is to never give it all away. Offer up clues—breadcrumbs—tidbits of information that will keep your reader guessing as to what will happen next.
Until next time,
billwilcox
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GOOD HORROR DONE DIRT CHEAP
[Excerpt]: She pulls the covers tight under her chin, her body stiff. Whispery words sound from crimson lips. Her honeyed voice soothes the beast in me until her words take effect. A fierce burning explodes within my core; the pain so intense, I shriek in agony. The sound pierces the night and somewhere in the distance, a dog howls.
[Excerpt]: “As you’ve no doubt figured out, you’re in a casket... a casket which has already been buried in an unmarked grave. You have all the tools necessary to escape. If you can do so, you will have earned your place among us. If you can’t, then may you rest in peace. The gun has been provided to you as a courtesy... in case you aren’t man enough to wait for the air to run out. Good luck.”
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[Excerpt]: Emma was trembling when the creak of the door opening thrust her heart up into her throat. A man stood directly in front of the closet. Ebony, falcon eyes stared insipidly ahead. Dusky, long hair was pulled tightly into a ponytail at the back of his distorted head. A Kaiser mustache twitched at the corners of his turned up mouth.
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[Excerpt]: We stepped out onto the porch, and down the stairs. When we reached the sidewalk, we were no longer in my yard, but in an open field. The moon was high and very bright, and I could see the tall grass waving, stretching into infinity in every direction. We stood on an old dirt road, and directly in front of me, the road forked. I could not tell where either fork led; they each dwindled off into the distance. Death stood beside me, and spoke.
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[Excerpt]: “That’s just it. Since my surgery, I keep having this feeling that something happened to me that I should know about. It’s like my body knows, but my brain can’t process it.”
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EMAIL!
AliceNgoreland 
Submitted Comment:
Hey Bill,
I just picked up the book "The Black Whole" and read your story, "The Angel and the Vampire" what a great read. I can hardly wait to read on. I bought a copy from Amazon for our local library.
Thanks Alice! That's very cool of you to say.
jlel
Submitted Comment:
I think it's great that the newsletter also includes excerpts of people's works. It makes it easier for a casual browser/reader like me to pick a story of interest. I hope that you guys will continue to include excerpts in the newsletter! :D
Yes, my friend, I will continue to use excerpts.
SHERRI GIBSON 
Submitted Comment:
Great newsletter, Bill. I couldn't agree more about malevolence and letting your imagination run wild when writing a horror story. Your stories are good examples of these things. I would also like to thank you for posting my story in your newsletter.
No problem-o, Sherri. I thought your story was riveting.
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