 Comedy: September 10, 2008 Issue [#2598] |
  Comedy
This week: Edited by: SophyBells  
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An elderly woman walked into the local country church. The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps. "Where would you like to sit?" he asked politely.
"The front row please." she answered.
"You really don't want to do that", the usher said. "The pastor is really boring."
"Do you happen to know who I am?" the woman inquired.
"No." he said.
"I'm the pastor's mother," she replied indignantly.
"Do you know who I am?" he asked.
"No." she said.
"Good", he answered.
I'm SophyBells ~ your Host for the Comedy Newsletter where this week we'll talk, with all due respect, about the comedy writing inspiration that can be found in going to church. <insert organ music here> |
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Church Fun!
A few months ago I wrote a column in the Spiritual Newsletter about the spirituality of laughter. This month I'll turn the tables and talk about the comedy gold that can be found in going to church. Because some of you read both newsletters, I'll take a different track than I took in the Spiritual Newsletter -- and I'll try to do so with the utmost respect, since I myself have been a regular church-goer all my life (which is how I know that church can be such a great source of comedy fodder -- because I know firsthand that funny things happen at church)! Because my experience is with a Christian church, I'll be sharing stories from the Judeo-Christian tradition since it's the one I know. But I'm pretty sure there is great comedy to be found in other religions as well because if there's one thing I'm certain of, no matter what name you use for "God," she has a fabulous sense of humor!
Everyone knows funny stories about going to church -- and many writers have become famous for sharing or embellishing some of their own. For instance, many of the funniest stories Garrison Keillor tells about in his "Lake Wobegon" series involve the local Lutheran Church, Pastor Inqvest, and local parishoners. And Robert Fulghum, minister and author of All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten and subsequent books also has many humorous stories about church life. Whether it's a hysterically disastrous church Christmas pageant, where the live animals wander off or relieve themselves during the production, those infamous church bulletin bloopers, the organist falling asleep during the sermon and hitting a sour note, or the amusing signs found in front of many churches -- church offers us much to laugh about. And thus, much to write about.
For instance I remember one Sunday when, evidently, the pastor had too much coffee to drink before the service. At the end of the service he stood at the top of the stairs leading down the chancel and raised his arms for the closing blessing. Only this time, instead of saying, "Go in peace," as he usually did -- he said, "Go and piss." After a pause he realized his mistake, burst out laughing, and then added, "and go in peace as well!" as he turned beet red and hurried to the back of the sanctuary.
Or what about what kids say at church, either during Sunday School or when they are up in front of everyone during those infamous children's sermons? Kids really DO say the darndest things, quite often in church! I'll never forget the time the pastor asked little six-year old Billy, "What is the fifth commandment?" And he replied, without missing a beat, "Humor thy mother and father." Indeed.
I'll bet if you go to church, whether you do so regularly or only once in a while, you have some funny stories of your own to share -- as I said at the beginning, attending church can be a great source for comedy writing. I hope I'll hear a few stories from you in response to this article.
In closing, I'll share some familiar church bulletin bloopers that have been around emails and other sources for years. Supposedly they are actual bloopers and/or typos from real church bulletins -- whatever the case, they are good for a final laugh:
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
The peacemaking meeting sched uled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow…
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church.
Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.
Until next time -- remember to laugh! SophyBells |
Below you will find some humorous items from around the site about the comedy of going to church -- remember, if you enjoy them, please let the author know by reviewing and rating the piece! 
First, a crossover item from my previous Spiritual Newsletter:
And a few more:
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Here are the responses I got from my last newsletter about aging.
From stephenm
50's not that bad. 30 was worse. A couple of months ago though I had a young 20 something offer me his seat in the barber shop while I stood waiting for my turn. That hurt a bit.
Awww! At least he was being polite, that's refreshing (if not a bit bruising on the old ego, eh)?!
     
From larryp
Enjoyable and humorous Sophy, from one of the old guys who reaches the 60 mark in 2009. I had more to say, but I forgot what it was... another benefit of aging. They say the train will come around again, but I'm not gonna sit at the depot too long. 
Larry
LOL! Thanks for the additional laugh, Larry -- glad you enjoyed the newsletter.
From Thomas
HA HA HA!!! Great newsletter. Yeah, I'm getting farther away from 20 than I care to talk about too. Now I know why we don't get a user's manual when we're born. If we did, we'd take one look at where we're headed and crawl back in where it's warm and safe...
Ain't that the truth!
From silentTears 
Sophy,
Thank you very much for the newsletter. It has proven to be very useful for me. I just have to commend your sense of humor that has got me laughing from the moment I faced my monitor (and of course, checked my email). Thanks again!
Aww thanks so much, glad you liked it! Thanks for writing in to tell me.
From Nada
Wow, I've been so busy writing I hadn't even bothered to read the newsletter until just now...gawd. I thank you for putting my little story link, I just got a lovely email/review from it.  I'll admit you made me laugh, for your observations, but also because you're such a baby! I just turned 60...and yeah, it's just wonderful, shall I write Oprah? Good job!
Yes, please write Oprah and set her straight!
From Phyllis 
Since turning 80 a few months ago, I am just grateful to be able to remember turning 50! And though it was exhausting and challenging in new ways, it was also freeing, exciting, and fun. And those senior discounts are great!
Um, thanks Mom! 
From GYPSYROSE- Grateful 2 WDC
Sophie,
This weeks Newsletter on your becoming 50 was enjoyable to read...you are just a "wee one"...wait until you reach the next plateau......65, which was my milestone last OCTOBER..looking back to your age...
I remembered more, had less pills,
Ate more, had less ills,
Worked more, had less spills~
What is there to look forward to?
Well, there's a lot more time for fun things to do!
Thanks for sharing the little poem, congrats on your 65 milestone, and I'm glad you enjoyed the newsletter!
That's all for now! Until next time, thanks for reading and LAUGH ON! |
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