 Short Stories: October 24, 2007 Issue [#2018] |
  Short Stories
This week: Edited by: Ms Kimmie  
More Newsletters By This Editor 
1. About this Newsletter
2. A Word from our Sponsor
3. Letter from the Editor
4. Editor's Picks
5. A Word from Writing.Com
6. Ask & Answer
7. Removal instructions
Short Story writing, while it can be engrossing, frustrating, and sometimes difficult, is still, through the good and the bad writing, fun. If it wasn't, we wouldn't do it. The more you learn about your medium and how to play with it, bend it, twist it, and make it come to life, the more fun it becomes.
In this edition, the Editorial discusses the role of sentence structure. The Editor's Picks section spotlights writers who took the Surprise Yourself challenge from last month's newsletter, in, you guessed it, surprising ways! Lastly, the Ask and Answer section is where you get to voice your opinions or ask questions on anything to do with short story writing. Don't forget to submit your own stories and letters for consideration in upcoming newsletters. |
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Thanks to everyone who sent in submissions for last month's newsletter challenge, "Surprise Yourself." You'll find some of these gems in the Editor's Picks section below. I had fun reading them, and seeing how you interpreted the idea of surprising yourself. Some of you did this by stepping out of your usual genre, and others by delving into different styles of writing. There were still other types of surprises offered up, and I was hugely impressed. Bravo!
Now to this week's topic:
You are Hereby Sentenced
To Writing Solid Sentences
One of the many things I am aware of while reading stories, is how the sentences flow (or don't). Sentence structure is important in how a story is perceived by readers, so building them requires some focused attention. By "building" them, I mean the sentence must be set up properly so it says what you mean it to say.
For example, you wouldn't write: Pushed to the ground from behind, Ben quickly rolled over and looked around on his back to see who had tackled him. It sounds like Ben is looking for clues on the back of his body. The sentence above offers a visual of some guy writhing on the ground, trying to see his shoulder blades, or the small of his back. This works better: Pushed to the ground from behind, Ben quickly rolled over, and still lying on his back, looked up to see who had tackled him.
I mention this because it is important to how well or badly a sentence reads and conveys correct information. Fortunately, this kind of sentence faux pas is easy to spot and fix. Look at the action in the sentence, isolate it from the rest of the sentence, and envision yourself or your character performing that isolated act. If it's obviously silly or not doable, or just doesn't work, rewrite it a little.
However, the issue I'm most concerned with today is the "speed" of the sentence. You determine the entire "feel" of your story, or the pace, through word choices, settings, characters, descriptions or lack thereof, and how you design your sentences. Just as you wouldn't use an axe to carve a roast, or a scalpel to chop wood, sentence lengths are tools that serve you best when used properly.
To Speed or to Saunter
"Fast" sentences are short. "Slow" sentences tend to be longer and impart more information than their faster counterparts.
Being aware of sentence lengths and how you use them in your story can impact how the story is ultimately perceived by your readers and by you.
Imagine you're writing a dramatic story, a detective story, or perhaps a mystery, where getting to the root of the problem is the thrust of the tale. Now, in most detective stories, time is an essential element of the plot: the criminal racing to pull off a dastardly deed, and the detective speeding after to serve justice. In such a story, shorter, faster sentences work best. These include fragmented sentences, which, if used sparingly and wisely, can really move a story along quickly. But if time is not a primary element, the use of longer sentences will lead readers more leisurely to the story's conclusion. Compare the following examples:
Bobby knew exactly where he'd find Janey. A few months back, he'd taken her there himself: the Really Raunchy Restaurant. Naturally, it was hidden in the seediest part of town.The name of the place was a not too clever give away. Unfortunately, it was the one place where Janey felt safe. She could hide out there, protected by the thugs who ran the place. Yeah, real winners, Bobby thought. Taking her there had been a mistake. He knew that now. Sure, it had led them to her no-good brother, but still. Bobby swore under his breath. Good intentions aside, he couldn't deny the truth. They had a hold over Janey now. He gazed at the worn photo. So delicate. So innocent. Except for those eyes. What had she been through that could make her even want -- no! He couldn't let his emotions interfere. He tossed the photo on his desk and abruptly got to his feet.
Finding her would be a cinch. But finding the necklace? It could be just about anywhere by now. Downing the last of his cold coffee, he called to his partner, "C'mon. If we want to find that necklace we've got to stop Janey before she gets to the Triple R."
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Bobby gazed at the photograph of Janey, his thumb absently rubbing the edge of the worn picture, and thought about where she might be right now. He shook his head sadly and not for the first time, felt a twinge of guilt. She'd be at the Really Raunchy Restaurant, or at least headed there. Bobby had been the one to introduce her to that little slice of hell just a few months earlier, never knowing how it would change their lives. Even that first day, she told him how comfortable she felt there. She'd mentioned since, that it had become her favorite place. "Homey" she'd called it, though if that was what home was to her, he hated to think what she'd been through in her young life that could so warp her sense of comfort. Bobby felt a lump in his throat, and gulped his cold coffee to clear it, to deny it. He pressed his thumb and forefinger to his eyes to stop the unexpected sting. There was so much she kept locked away, and there was so much Bobby had never taken the time to find out. Never had the courage to face down her demons, was more like it, he knew. Maybe if he hadn't been so willing to accept her quiet as proof of contentment instead of the muted pain it was, she wouldn't be in the predicament she was in now.
Bobby swore under his breath, regretting now that he'd ever taken her to the Triple R. His intentions were good, sure, but looking back with the clear vision of hindsight, he never would have done it. It was a hole in the wall where the worst of the city's slime liked to hang out and at the time, Bobby thought it was a good starting point for helping her to find her missing brother. He'd been right about her brother and the people he associated with, but Bobby hadn't expected Janey to find the same comfort from those people her brother had. Bobby was sure it was because of her associations with the low-lifes she now called "friends" that she'd even gotten herself mixed up in this most recent robbery. He was sure--almost sure, anyway--that Janey had nothing to do with shooting the guards on duty at the mansion that night, but he had a hunch her so-called friends wouldn't have a problem using her as their fall-guy once the law caught up with them. Bobby also had a feeling Janey knew exactly where the necklace was, and like any good detective, he knew a hunch could often be as good as a lead.
He sat back and sighed, drained the last of his coffee and then crushed the paper cup in both hands. "Cmon, buddy," he called to his partner. "Janey knows where that necklace is and I'm betting she knows who the shooters are too. We've got to find her before she goes underground."
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While neither of these is right nor wrong, the pace of the individual sentences does have a compelling impact on the overall pace of the story. The reader, unaware of the pacing tools you use, will unwittingly react to them and build their expectation of the story's progression.
In the first case, their heart rates will increase. They'll know that time is of the essence, and despite themselves, will read more quickly to find out what happened. The readers will fill in areas themselves, such as what a restaurant on the "seedy" side of town looks like, what the thugs look like, how they act, how they talk, and so on.
In the second example, the reader knows that he or she is in for a "mind ride." Readers may know, by the nature of the genre, that there will be some action in the story, but they also know they're going to be with this story for a while. They're going to see more vividly painted pictures, understand motivations more fully, and will, unconsciously, adjust their expectations for the longer journey to "The End."
Once you've got your sentence length determined, bring in some balance. A story filled entirely with short sentences gets to be annoying. Think of those old detective movies where everything is told in staccato. But a story devoid of short sentences becomes monotonous. A few longer sentences here and there will break it up, but don't get caught up in them. Keep the pace lively. For the story that uses the longer sentences, there may be some scenes where shorter sentences will be needed. Don't let pace slow your writing though.
Some writers master the sentence length issue instinctively as they write, while others come to it over time by analyzing their own work and works of others, and by experimenting. Keep the general theme of the pace in mind when you go back to edit and tweak.
As the author, it's up to you to determine and set the pace of your stories. This doesn't only apply to the genres mentioned, but to any genre. In any scene where immediacy is important, keep the essential, impact sentences shorter. In a scene where you want to explore motivations and thoughts, or offer a clear vision of the setting, longer sentences are a better fit. And make sure, whether long or short, the sentences say exactly what you want them to say.
Have fun and Write On! 
Here's another challenge if you're up for it - this time, there's an awardicon to go with it. Of course, accomplishment is reward in itself, but sometimes, it just feels really good to get that little extra accolade. It isn't a contest, so there aren't any particular rules to follow, aside from the standard expectations for this newsletter: make sure it's between E and 18+, that it's a short story; and that you go with the theme of the following challenge:
Write a story where the physical appearance of the character is central to the story,
OR,
a story in which no outright description of the character is given at all.
I love reading your submissions, so keep them coming! See you in four weeks.
Ms Kimmie
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The following selections were all written by authors who took the challenge to step outside their "norm" and surprised themselves. They did a great job! I was extremely impressed. Enjoy!
Now this one is surprising for a few reasons. Firstly, this author doesn't write fiction as a rule, preferring poetry and documentaries from a non-fiction standpoint. But, not only did Maria Mize  step outside her comfort zone in style preference, but she went a step further and got so involved in the story, that she rewrote the end of it three times. That is amazing. Nice work, Marie. To read the alternate endings, click this link: "VIRGIL BEAVER - alternative endings" and see which one you like best.
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In this story, the author moved beyond a rating comfort zone. Moving into new territories this way isn't always easy, and a perusal of the author's port will show you that ASR is the typical preferred rating. The settings are vivid, and the characters are strong and real. This story was so well done, I'd have never guessed this was a change from the ordinary for this writer.
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Thank you for an excellent newsletter! My response to your challenge is a story I wrote for a contest here on W.com, and for me it's completely out of left field. I write fantasy; it's what I live for, and yet this little story is so far removed from my norm it's as though someone else wrote it. My muse whopped me with her magic stick that day, and out it came. Part of what surprises me about it is the overwhelmingly positive response it's had, but also, I don't get along especially well with children, so that makes it doubly weird for me. I guess this story is one example of what can happen when you're truthful to your muse and let it have its way. Thanks again for a great newsletter!
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I was thinking about making flan for my wife because she loves it, but there are those days we all have when even simple things go wrong. I decided for fun to tell the story from a woman's view to see if I could. If you look closely at the opening lines you can see where I stopped writing and the character took over.
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Hi, Kim! I love love this month's topic. the element of surprise, from creating an untraditional metaphor to springing a major plot twist on the reader, is a fun, powerful writing tool. This power must be used carefully, but when it works, watch out!
Thank you for another newsletter touching on a useful, important point.
Editor's Note: This author suprised herself, and her readers, but to avoid "spoilers" you'll have to read the story to find out what's surprising about this one.
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This was a very nice newsletter; down right inspiring.
I have a story that is different from how I usually structure things, and, I think, fairly singular.
Editor's Note: Post-modernism isn't a style of writing I see often, which is really too bad. It's a unique and interesting way to weave a story. The nonlinear telling, finally coming together at the close is not easy to do, simply because tying up loose ends is hugely important for congruency, in a way linear stories aren't pressed to do with the same precision.
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collins96
Not a surprise at all that this newsletter was full of useful information.
I have learned so much since joining WDC, and much of that learning has come from the newsletters. I am learning to write stories so I particularly look forward to this one. You don't disappoint! Collin
Well, thank you Collin. We appreciate your feedback, but even more, are very glad you find our offerings helpful!
spazmom
What an interesting concept for the newsletter. Actually, I have done the 'stepping outside the comfort zone' for writing, and wrote a fantasy novel. It's not something I generally write, in fact I've only written two stories, and the second one is not finished. I'm just a romance writer, with some suspense and action thrown in...grin. It was -- astonishing.
You wrote a novel outside your usual genre? That is a feat. Bravo! You may know this already, but one of the most well-known writers of our time writes outside his preferred genre. Stephen King always saw himself as Country Western writer. Turns out he had a knack for Horror and Mystery. Oh, and I have to add, please take "just" out of your vocabulary when talking about your Romance writing. It's a popular genre and not everyone is good at writing it. Be as proud of that as you are of your Fantasy writing!
animatqua
Great ideas in your "Surprise their expectations" article. One point I was taught early on in my writing experience, though: never surprise the reader without preparing him for it. That is, when there is a twist at the end of the story, the reader should be able to look back and say "Oh, yeah! I should have seen that coming!"
The rule of thumb I was given: surprise the characters, not the reader.
I absolutely agree that readers must be able to go back and find what they missed. It's an important part of any "surprise ending" story. Tying up loose ends is a good idea in any story, but especially those with surprise endings--and post modern stories but that's a topic for another day. As for your rule of thumb, I understand what you're getting it, but I also feel it is one of those guides that serves best to those who know the background behind the statement. I can think of several arguments both for and against that statement, but I also feel it is an important enough assertion to include it here for the benefit of readers who can embrace its worth for what it is. Thanks Animatqua!
And now for some feedback on MarieAntoniaParsons 's question in the September newsletter about determining the end of the story at the beginning. Later this year, or early in the new year, I'd like to address this in an editorial, but for the time being, here are what some readers had to say.
outlander
Regarding MarieAntoniaParsons 's question, September 27, 2007: Determining the end of the story at the beginning, is the easy part. It's all the stuff that happens between the beginning and the end that is difficult.
Hear, hear! 
SmokeyMtn
Re: Endings. I usually have an idea what my story is going to be about, who the main character is and the setting I'll use, but my characters often inspire the ending along the way. A good example would be, "Invalid Item" , written for kiyasama's "A Picture Is Worth A 1000 Words Contest" . The picture was a gift wrapped box. As I looked at it I thought of a card inside saying "Thanks for Everything" and wondered who would have sent it. Very quickly I knew who it was and why. After that, it was just building suspense as the main character tries to figure it out.
It's great to hear that how you approached the story for the contest turned out to be an instance where you were able to surprise yourself in some way too. I've found that most writers have a basic, or even a vague idea, of where they want the story to go, but once it solidifies in their minds, the writing gets easier. Being able to write a story with or without an ending in mind is a wonderful skill to possess and can take your writing to new heights. Keep it up!
Helen McNicol
I think MarieAntoniaParsons has a great question about determining the end of the story at the beginning. I think largely it depends what kind of story it is. Obviously if it's a murder mystery you have to know 'who dunnit' and probably how before you start writing, so that all the clues and story lines lead up to this.
For me, when I wrote Riding The Hurricane, I had no idea what was going to happen at the end until about chapter 10 when I had to decide, finally, what was going to happen to my characters. I had a rough idea where I wanted the story to go, but the end just unfolded as I wrote it. In class we were told that to a certain extent you have to listen to your writers conscience and if you trust it most of the time it will lead you where you want to go.
You make an excellent point about taking the stories on a case-by-case basis. I have to admit though, I was drawn to this interesting phrase: "listen to your writer's conscience." We've all heard the adage that "listening to your characters" can help you determine where the story needs to go, but you've brought a new twist. It sounds like it was an interesting class! Listening to your writer's conscience adds an element that goes beyond the story and offers a lot of food for thought to authors. It's a ponderous statement. Thanks for sharing that with us. Oh, and one more thing. I visited your portfolio and discovered this: "Invalid Item" . It isn't a short story, I know, which is why it isn't something I'd include in the Editor's Picks for this newsletter, but you deserve your props too.
andromeda
About "Surprising Yourself": Well, thanks for the tips. It's hard, but worth it.
About knowing the end at the start: I like to visualize the scene I'm describing and it's not easy to explain it to others.
Fair enough. Sometimes, it's just easier to sit down and write fiction than it is to talk about it, and I appreciate your reminder that there are a lot of people like you out there. To those readers who find their writing concepts difficult to explain, you aren't alone. Just keep writing!
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