 Comedy: July 04, 2007 Issue [#1816] |
  Comedy
This week: Edited by: elizm446
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You can only be young once but you can be immature forever.
~Dave Barry |
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Kids are underestimated all the time. Case in point: when I was about five years old, my parents bought me a Cabbage Patch tape recorder. I carried it everywhere. Whenever company came over, I would proudly show off my little tape recorder. Everyone would tell me it's cute and that would be it. No one realized that it actually worked. It wasn't until I would play back their entire conversation that everyone took notice. I used to follow my mom around and record her. Sometimes at dinner, I would randomly play conversations from weeks ago. My dad used to get a kick out of it but it irritated my mom - which, of course, made me want to do it all the more. 
Another case in point: when I was little, I wanted to be a doctor. My parents even got me a toy doctor kit when I was six years old. I loved it. I almost always had the plastic stethoscope around my neck. Listening to anything and everything. The kit had other stuff too. A thermometer, which I always tried to shove in someone's mouth (I was never successful). A syringe, which I poked everyone with. A relax mallet, which I hit everyone with. Tweezers, pill bottle, and an ear scope. I also had roll of bandages but I only used that when I was "seeing a patient." My patients were either my mom, my dad, my baby brother (against his will), or my dolls. Whenever I had my parents as patients, I charged them. I gave them a check up, then they had to wait around while I drew up the bill. When I first started playing doctor, I charged ten cents. Eventually my rates went up because I felt I had become more experienced so I charged 35 cents.
My kit was nice and all but I had seen glipses of hospital shows like "St. Elsewhere" and decided I needed better tools like they had. At this point in the story, I want to remind you readers that I was six years old. One day I went into the kitchen and grabbed a plastic knife. I put it in my kit and it became my scalpel. That night, I gave my mom a check-up. She wasn't paying attention to me, she was talking with some friends that had come to visit. After I finished my initial check-up, I decided to use my new scalpel to perform a procedure. My mom had a wart on her foot. I had heard her say in passing that she would eventually go to the doctor and have it removed. I figured I would save her time and money but removing it myself. She was sitting on the couch, wearing sandals, with her feet stretched out. Easy access. She was in the middle of talking when it happened.
Mom: Well, we've been renting for a while now and were thinking about buying - AAAHH!!!!!!! AAAHHHHH!!!!! OH MY GOD!!! OW!!!! OW!!!! MIA ELIZABETH!!!!!!
Me: Wait, mommy, I'm almost done!
So after mom got over the initial shock and the bleeding stopped, I gave her my bill. And she never let me play doctor on her again.  |
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#1131643 by Not Available. |
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A day in the life of my cat, for a writing exercises contest...
#848156 by JudasFm   |
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This item number is not valid.
#1276792 by Not Available. |
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Budroe : I am sittin' here just dyin'. You think that's bad? Huh? Yeah, well....
What do you think of the thugs that left me a picture of my beloved Opus (Stuffed Penguin), my MASCOT, all blindfolded and bound, on my office door--------with a razor blade?? Who could make THAT up?
Wow.  I'd love to hear the story behind that.
Fairy : Man, that poor teddy bear--same one that your mom sold in a garage sale, right? I mourn with you. Seems like it lived a full, exciting life, though...
Yup, same bear. Yeah we had a great twenty-something years together.
Mark : Well? Did he MAKE IT????? How can you leave US hanging like that? Sheesh...
He made it, lol. I took him down and didn't play as many pranks after that. 
Problematic Content : Obviously my brilliant essay on watergun warfare inspired this edition of the "comedy" newsletter, didn't it, Mia?
Nope. I got it from my brilliant essay, called "PC, Stop Bothering Me".
fleckgirl: Mia - ANOTHER great story for a great newsletter (It IS all about YOU )! I look forward to the laughs I know I'll get when I open this newsletter you. And Pooky, this is the same bear that was sold in a yard sale? Poor thing... At least he wasn't the example victim in the fire safety demonstration you had to watch! LOL Thanks again for the laughs~
Thanks, Fleck girl!
Yup, Pooky was kidnapped, hanged, and eventually sold.  Oh I have a funny story about my dorm and fire safety. Hmm, maybe I should tell that sometime ...
Dhoc-li Llama : I missed the POOP story? *confused* How'd that happen???!!!
One thing to say to the world: When life hands you a Mia, make a comedy newsletter.
~Dr. B
Check the archives for the Poop edition, Dr. B. Love the quote! I may use that! 
spazmom : My dorm would have loved to have you in it. We were rather laid back in comparison. I loved the whole teddy bit...what a hoot. Good newsletter.
Aw thanks!
Bernie Thomas : Okay ... I gotta know how many gals went down the slip-n-slide before they figured it out.
If my memory serves me correct - three. Oh, and I should add that they were intoxicated.
werden  : An enjoyable story. I liked the part where they put all the prank-prone girls together so they wouldn't bother anyone else.
I loved the hanging bear gag
I have pulled that off myself at work from time to time.
:)
At work?? Really? Sounds like you've got some fun co-workers.
Keep the feedback coming, readers, and submit comedy items you’d like to see featured here!
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