  Action/Adventure
This week: Edited by: Puditat  
More Newsletters By This Editor 
1. About this Newsletter
2. A Word from our Sponsor
3. Letter from the Editor
4. Editor's Picks
5. A Word from Writing.Com
6. Ask & Answer
7. Removal instructions
Life without action is static, and by necessity, it would therefore be dead. Action writing takes the normal and shares it for all to live vicriously.
Adventure is the spice: the exciting, adrenalin-pumping, thrill that makes one feel so alive. Everyone has an adventuresome spirit. Maybe dreams of excavating some long-lost treasure, visiting a new country, or trying a new flavour of potato chip.  Some of us prefer our adventures to come between the pages of a book, and many of us like to write that adventure.
|
| ASIN: B01DSJSURY |
Product Type: Kindle Store
|
Amazon's Price: $ 5.99
|
|
** Image ID #1092365 Unavailable **
**Word Choice - The Repetition Continues**
This week's subject arose from reader feedback by neverwanderer (quoted under 'Ask and Answer' below). Thank you for the inspiration.
The maid placed the lemon drink on the side table in the hallway before opening the door to greet the guest.
Ugh, the above sentence is a bit much, isn't it. Deliberately designed to highlight the issue raised by neverwanderer, it raises an interesting issue. "The" is arguably one of English's most commonly used words. Small and comfortable, it blends with ease into a sentence, like an old sweater on a cool day.
On most occasions, the unassuming determiner 'the' merely blends in with its surrounding words. However, in certain circumstances it can become all-too obvious and annoying, as in the red sentence above.
"The" is a definite article. That is, it's a specific referencer. "The chair" refers to a specific chair required. Compare that to "a chair" which implies any chair will do.
Okay, so now we kind of know what "the" is and what it's function is. How can we avoid it becoming the dreaded dominator of a sentence?
Let's take a look at my red sentence.
"The maid placed" - "the" specifies a particular person. We could, instead use her name (Sally), her boss's name (Mrs Childs' maid). If the character has not been introduced yet, we could open out the sentence (Mrs Childs' maid, Sally, placed).
"the lemon drink on" - "the" references a specific object. Treatment of this depends on the intent or meaning. "the" is perfectly fine and could be left if other instances are changed. However, for agument's sake, let us look at possible changes. If it belongs to the maid (her lemon drink), or to her boss (her mistress' lemon drink, or Mrs Childs' lemon drink).
"the side table" - is it important to note a specific table? Here, "a" would suffice just as well (a side table).
"in the hallway" - We may not need to know where the table is that she left the drink on, and it could be omitted entirely. Assuming it is important to the scene, however, I would suggest this is one "the" that should stay.
"before opening the door" - Again, this is one "the" which needs to be present for the sentence to make sense. Any attempt to substitute it would make the sentence unnecessarily clumsy and very difficult to get grammatically correct.
"to greet the guest" - The guest may not be a specific or expected party, nor one intrinsic to the storyline (a guest). We could also use reference to the other people in the house (Mrs Childs' guest / young Adam Childs' playmate). If the character is important, it is perhaps a logical place for the person to be introduced (greet Mr Appleby). Maybe the location and role of the visitor can provide an alternative reference (greet China's embassador / greet Colby's sole electrician). Sometimes the person is not as important as the action it creates or iterrupts (greet whoever was intruding on her morning tea break / greet someone important enough for Mrs Childs to have ordered the silver polished).
"The" forms a very easy and useful part of the English language. It is certainly not a word which we should avoid, and it would be impossible to try for any great length.
However, even the most useful of words has the potential to overcrowd our writing. Should this occur, try asking the following questions...
 Is using "the" the most direct way to specify a relationship?
Could more detail be delivered to the reader by using a proper noun instead of "the"?
Would an indefinite article (a, an) suffice?
Is a personal pronoun more appropriate? (eg. her, his)
Can another determiner be substituted? (e.g. this, some, any)
I would like to leave you with one last thought on this topic.
"The" is a common inclusion in titles. Sometimes it can make a statement ("The Promise") as it focuses attention on a particular thing. However, all too often it becomes a crutch for a title. A stronger title can be created with the use of a single word (The Stalker Stalker / The Runaway Runaway), or a bold combination which avoids it (The Cure of Abraham Curing Abraham).
I hope these little tips may help polish those fantastic Action/Adventure pieces you're all working on.
Thanks for reading.
Puditat
|
Have an opinion on what you've read here today? Then send the Editor feedback! Find an item that you think would be perfect for showcasing here? Submit it for consideration in the newsletter!
https://www.Writing.Com/go/nl_form
Don't forget to support our sponsor!
| ASIN: B083RZJVJ8 |
|
Amazon's Price: Price N/A
Not currently available. |
|
 I can understand the need for action. But shouldn't there be a balance? If you have too much action without enough expository then the reader would be scratching his/her head to try and figure out what is going on. Or he/she will know what is going on but won't know why and will eventually stop caring.
werden 
There is definitely a balance to achieving a comfortable mix of action and background, or supporting, information. It is a lot easier for films to get away with mostly action, since the very nature of the actions keeps the watcher, well, watching. When it comes to reading, there has to be some substance between the action scenes or it's all a bit too disconnected, or jumpy. Thanks for the interesting point. 
Puditat, thanks for pointing out the repetition problem. I find that a lot and usually will write out my thoughts, then go back to use synonyms to avoid repetitious errors. It's a bad habit that I think everyone falls into at one time or another. Thanks for a great newsletter!
fleckgirl
Absolutely, no writer is impervious to lapses into repetition. That is part of why editing is so essential.
i really needed that and thank you
Adela
You're welcome. 
Great topic, Puditat! I can identify with each and every example you sited. I often run into the "name" issue in my own writing, like your "Edith" example.
Though, another one that I struggle with all the time is the "The" problem. When trying to pace the revelations of certain information in a story, I end up decribing things rather than naming them. It becomes "The this" and "The that". "The cloaked figure." "The creature." "The howl of a lone wolf pierced the night sky." The, the... the.
They can stack up without me noticing it, until "The" becomes the dominating factor in a sentence, rather than whatever the sentence is about. I'm still trying to figure out how to beat that one.
Looking forward to more great installments!
neverwanderer
An interesting point. I hope you find this month's editorial from me useful. Thanks for the great topic suggestion. 
Great newsletter! I definitely learned something from this issue, and was also reminded of some points I needed to remember. Well written!
Equilibrium
That's great! Thank you for letting me know. 
I loved your topic of repetition. I am so guility of "Slipped by the Radar." I agree that repetition can slow a story down. A nice reminder for us action/adventure writers.
StephBee 
Thank you.
Thanks for your good work on this newsletter, Puditat. All the problems you highlighted need attention everytime I go to edit something.
I've found in my reading that an author can use an uncommon word, disingenuous for example, and I won't look at it twice. But if it appears again, say in the next 300 pages, repetition alarms will suddenly go off! And it isn't just words; phrases and descriptions can be unconsciously duplicated as well.
nomlet
You are right; unusual words are very obvious when they're repeated. I find the repetition of everyday words within a story that much more distracting.
Something to think about when I'm editing. I'm sure its something I'm pretty guilty of. I even almost used it in this comment. lol.
A thinker never sleeps
 It is all too easy to become repetitive, even some of the novels of my favourite authors have laopsed into it every now and then.
Why don't you guys have a sci/fi fantasy newsletter? I think you should put one in, it is my favorite genre, and you can it is the one where you can play around in the most.
PenName
You will be pleased to know there is indeed a Fantasy newsletter, published every week just like teh Action/Adventure Newsletter. To subscribe to it, go to your "My Account", then click on "Manage Newsletter Subscriptions". Place a check beside the Fantasy Newsletter, and any others you're interested in, save the changes and you will receive it direct to your email inbox every week.
|
| ASIN: B07P4NVL51 |
Product Type: Toys & Games
|
Amazon's Price: Price N/A
|
|
To stop receiving this newsletter, click here for your newsletter subscription list. Simply uncheck the box next to any newsletter(s) you wish to cancel and then click to "Submit Changes". You can edit your subscriptions at any time.
|
Action/Adventure: March 21, 2007 Issue [#1609]
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
