 Poetry: November 29, 2006 Issue [#1406] |
  Poetry
This week: Edited by: Red Writing Hood <3  
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I groan in retrospect over the weak words and useless pages I have written; Henry Brooks Adams (1838–1918), U.S. historian. Letter, March 30, 1886, to Emily Ellsworth Ford.
Henry B. Adams and His Friends, p. 160, ed. Harold Dean Cater.
Source: http://www.bartleby.com/
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Making the Most of Your Poetry:
Eliminate Weak Words - The Aftermath
Aftermath is probably too strong for this instance, but doesn’t it give you a vivid picture? Perhaps you picture broken bodies on a battlefield, or broken buildings after an earthquake or even broken brains after Algebra finals.
It gives you more of a picture than if I had simply said: Eliminate Weak Words – Challenge Results. 
Here was our poor example:
“Lovely lady
With the soft,
Sweet smile
Don’t go away,
Stay with me
A while.”
He found love
That dark
December day.
In a boat
By the
Bay.
Your CHALLENGE: Take the poem above and paint up a picture for me. Keep the rhyme or toss it out. Keep the essence of the poem intact – so we can recognize it as an improvement – but after that it’s your paintbrush and canvas. I want to barely recognize these poems as coming from my example.
Yes! You were up to the challenge and sent me these:
alfred booth, wanbli ska 
"Invalid Item"
to thee I would worship
your smile beguiles Mona Lisa
painted in velvet
will you leave so soon?
stay here in my arms
until the horizon reddens
my heart at once throbbed joyously
after an early sunset
a week before Christmas
as we set out on a seaward adventure
silken sails billowed
love's first snapshot : harbour peace
Wren
You smiled at me.
A simple thanks, when I offered you a seat.
A courtesy extended, and courtesy returned.
We traveled on the ferry, side-by-side, unknown,
Our separate selves like islands in the sound.
But in your smile I found
A kindness that I yearned to feel.
Your eyes were light and warmth
In my dark December day.
I prayed that you would turn and speak to me,
Would take the time once more
To smile before we reached the shore.
Your body felt relaxed and soft beside me
On that peaceful ride
Until a man’s voice called to you across the aisle.
“June, come now. This man’s gone and left his seat.
There’s room for us together now.”
You gathered up your coat,
Reluctantly? Or was it weariness?
In any case, your face came close to mine.
Our eyes met one more time,
And you smiled.
Soul Mage
Sunshine lady
with the
Peppermint smile
Bless me with thy presence,
And stay with me
A while
He found warmth for his soul
On that cold, overcast
December day
In a boat
by a cold, windswept
Bay
Karl
lonely lady
putting on
a smile.
you and I
could be us;
stay a while.
His empty heart
filled with love
that wintry day.
Aboard a ship
where his love
sailed away.
Hanna
In the depth
Of your eyes
A smile lingers.
Hesitant to stay,
I reach for
Your fingers
It's winter outside
But my heart
Is warm.
By the bay
I found you,
Riding the storm.
While some of you made the poem more your own than others, I was delighted to see everyone's efforts. I love to see the different takes on the same thing. Whether written long or short, each of you gave me more of a picture than I started you out with. Bravo!
If you'd still like to try the challenge, please do! I will add them to the Ask & Answer section next month. 
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Theme: Strong word choices...
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Have an opinion on what you've read here today? Then send the Editor feedback! Find an item that you think would be perfect for showcasing here? Submit it for consideration in the newsletter!
https://www.Writing.Com/go/nl_form
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Gotta question, answer, problem, solution, tip, trick, cheer, jeer, or extra million lying around?
If so, send it through the feedback section at the bottom of this newsletter OR click the little envelope next to my name Red Writing Hood <3 and send it through email.
Comments on last month's newsletter:
Submitted By: monty31802
Submitted Comment:
I love that lady with sweet smile,
Convincing her to stay awhile,
We found true love that winter day,
The kind that would forever stay.
Great Newsletter, Thank you.
Submitted By: Karl
Submitted Comment (with challenge poem):
Editor,
I agree that limiting words is good. Karl
Submitted By: billwilcox
Submitted Comment:
Red,
Just a plain common sense article, explained in a simple logical way. Write On!
Submitted By: Hanna
Submitted Comment (with challenge poem):
Hi, I couldn't resist your challenge!
Submitted By: GabriellaR45
Submitted Comment:
This is a remarkable newsletter. Thank you so much for taking the trouble to assemble a real winner! Your editorial is fabulous, a wonderful reminder to all of us who struggle to write without overwhelming our readers with too many adjectives/words I'm going to save your editorial to read over and remind myself to keep what I write as powerful and spare as possible, not an easy task-- but thoroughly worthwhile! Thank you and bless you! You did a great job!
Warmest best, Gabriella
Thank you all for your wonderful comments! I couldn't ask for a better group of readers and writers to share my acquired knowledge with. 
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