 Comedy: November 08, 2006 Issue [#1363] |
  Comedy
This week: Edited by: Melissa is fashionably late!  
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A little girl goes to see the doctor. She's got a pea in one nostril, a grape in the other, and a string bean stuck in her ear. She says to the doctor, "I don't feel good."
The doctor replies, "The problem is clear to me. You're not eating right!"
A young businessman had just started his own firm. He'd rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear busy, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally, he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?" The man said, "Sure. I've come to install the phone!"
Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of the Comedy newsletter. I hope you find the punchlines to your liking!
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I had a whole other editor's letter written earlier this week, about knock-knock jokes, but decided to rewrite and use this letter in place of the other. I hope you agree that I made the right choice in using this topic, instead.
The Drama Of It All
Humor can sometimes be found in unexpected places, especially in our everyday lives. We tend to go about our day, taking everything in all seriousness. Gas prices are too high, fast food is too unhealthy, we could all contract cancer by living under high tension wires, and our blood pressures go up because we drink too much coffee.
We are all walking, talking disasters waiting to happen. It's amazing that more people don't suffer from spontaneous combustion with as much stress as they carry from one place to the next. But, things always happen that should cause us to change perspective.
I've been on a mission, for the past week or so, to pick a fight with my husband. I make my attempts by saying something snide and often mean, and he brushes it off like I never said it in the first place. No matter how hard I try, he won't get upset by my insistant right-jabs and left-hooks.
The situation came to a head when I tried, for a final time on Friday, to pick a fight. He still wasn't receptive to my intentions, and this further frustrated me. I left the room to go get ready for bed.
Through all of my motions in the bathroom, I further stewed. How dare he brush off my attempts at taking all of my life's frustrations out on him? How dare he not realize, by the way I'm acting, that I'm upset about something? And furthermore, how dare he not try to find out what that is, even though I haven't said something direct about wanting to talk about it? He should be able to know this because I've lived with him for five years and that should make him more receptive to my feelings.
I switched off the bathroom light, still deep in thought. I strode across the hallway, towards the bedroom, my anger rising with each step that my husband let me take towards sleep. My blindness in the dark only turned more red as I approached the door.
BAM!!!
The noise, as loud as a gunshot, echoed down the hallway and in my ears. Startled, I didn't realize immediately what happened. My foreward journey ceased as I realized my head hurt from an external wound.
I stepped back from the door, hand to my forehead, stumbling as though I'd been shot in the face. My nose and eye throbbed as the blood rushed to the offended area. I was too surprised to cry out.
Stumbling backwards through the hall, I finally had made it to the dark kitchen, where I landed on my rump in the middle of the floor. I held my face, nursing the pain and letting the shock subside.
"What was that noise?" My husband asked from the living room, pausing his movie so he could hear my answer.
It was then that the embarrassment hit. Should I tell him what happened> I thought, as I rubbed my eye. I blinked a few times, trying to determine the extent of the damage.
"Honey?" He stood up from the couch, concern in his voice, and peered around the door and into the dark kitchen.
"I think I forgot to open the bedroom door," I said, my voice dry.
"Are you OK?" He asked, still not realizing to what I'd just admitted.
"My forehead and eye hurt, but I think my pride was more damaged." I squeaked out the last words through a bit of laughter.
"Is the door OK?" He said, through his roaring laughter.
The entire situation was dramatic, wasn't it? Until I ran into the door, that is. And even then, I try not to let my reader in on exactly what happened until the end in order to intensify the drama of the situation, and then introduced the humor at the end. In this way, I've hoped to make the situation more exaggerated and the end result more funny for my reader.
It's much the same as telling a joke. You don't put the punch line at the beginning, do you? You keep it to the very end, otherwise it wouldn't be very funny.
And, yes, I know, for those who read my blog on a regular basis, that this is something I'd written about there, so I'd already ruined the story for you. But I thought it made an exceptional example of how to successfully turn a dramatic situation into a comedic situation. Plus, 20,000+ people don't read my blog, so only a few of you were privy to this information beforehand. Additionally, I could put the director's cut, which is not as E-rated as the edited version, in my blog.  |
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kiyasama writes, "Oh phooey, no knock knock jokes are coming to mind at this time.  But I thank you for the plugging of my story. This was a very informative newsletter and one I look forward to each week!"
Thanks for the encouragment! I try to make my newsletters fun and informative at the same time! I hope that I don't dissapoint anytime soon! 
dizzyduck writes, "I find this joke kinda cute:
Knock-Knock.
Who's there?
Old lady.
Old lady, who?
I didn't know you could yodel!
 "
That's one of my favorite knock-knock jokes, except I believe that it goes,
Knock-knock.
Who'se there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady, who?
I didn't know you could yodel!
It works well either way, though.
Being Diane writes, "I am so grateful for the exposure ya'll gave me with my little ole southern stories. They can be funny but you know any area can be funny. I really need to write you something about how cluttered my house is, Melissa, I am almost sure I beat you in that catagory. My Mom once told me, "Diane, you are going to be real embrassed when you die because of this mess you are leaving."
I said, "No I won't Mom. It won't bother me a bit."
Her face became redder and she was really mad, "I know good [and] well that you will be embrassed."
I polietly said, "No I won't, Mom. I'll be dead. I won't know a thing about it!"
I've had some funny stuff happened in my life. I could write a book. Hey, that's what I'm doing!
Laugh out loud or you'll be by yourself crying...
Diane"
Oh, I know our house is by far the least cluttered of some of the cluttered houses out there! We have friends and family who seem to have paths through each and every room in their homes. I cannot stand to live like that!
Breezy-E ~ In College writes, "Knock-knock.
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo Who?
Don't Cry!
Knock-knock.
Who's there?
Isabel.
Isabel who?
Isabel necessairy on a bike?
(This one isn't really a knock-knock joke, but it's a two-liner, so...)
What are you eating under there?!
Under where? (Try saying it out loud.)
Breezy-E"
I used to tell the same boo-who knock-knock joke to my sister when we were kids, except I'd change the punchline to say, "See, there you go again being a crybaby!" She never liked it when I told that joke, but she fell for it each and every single time.
And the winner of the knock-knock joke entry:
liquidmirror writes, "Horrible Knock-knock joke time...
Knock Knock
Who's there?
You.
You who?
No, ya bloody landlubber, it's Yo-ho! Savvy?
...If Jack Sparrow told knock-knocks...
PS-Thanks for the informative newsletter!"
You'll have your merit badge awarded following the release of this newsletter! Thanks so much for your compliment as well!
This month's Ask:
What is your favorite punchline? You can include this with the joke, if you feel like it, or just send me the punchline! The best, as usual, will receive a merit badge!
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