 Short Stories: October 04, 2006 Issue [#1297] |
  Short Stories
This week: Edited by: Vivian  
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The mantra for good writing has become "Show, don't tell." Yet, what does that phrase really mean. Perhaps I can help us all to better understand.
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Show, Don’t Tell: Not Show and Tell
Well-written material allows the reader to see, hear, and feel what is happening rather than being told what happened. This show, don’t tell idea makes stories, whether fiction or non-fiction, and poetry live in the mind of the reader. News stories haven’t yet come under the umbrella of showing, but the purpose of straight news items is different. Let’s look at the difference between telling and showing through the following examples:
Telling:
The couple walked down the road until they reached a house. The man hurried around the side of the house to peek around the corner as the woman knocked on the door. When an elderly man opened the screen, the hidden man jumped onto the porch with a gun in his hand, shooting the older man in the chest.
Showing through dialogue and action:
“Jason, I don’t think we should be a doin’ this.” Marla pulled against the scraggly-haired man forcing her along the country road. “Look, we can manage some other way, can’t we?”
With a sharp curse, Jason jerked her to a stop. “We’ll do what we planned to do. You better not back out now. Don’t even be thinkin’ that way, or I’ll make you hurt real bad.”
Tears pooled in Marla’s eyes as she shuffled along the side of the dusty road. She wiped her nose on the arm of the faded sweatshirt she wore with tattered jeans. “Okay, okay, I’ll do it. Jest don’t hurt me any more.”
With a rough push in her back, Jason caused her stumble a few steps before she caught her balance. “Jest get on up the drive to the house, and don’t knock on the door until I get hid.” He ran ahead of her, up the steps to the wrap-around porch, and behind the corner of the house from the door. He waved for Marla to knock on the door when she paused at the top of the steps. When she hung her head without moving, he hissed until she glanced toward him. Once he had her attention, he glared at her and shook a fist in her direction before jabbing a finger toward the door.
Marla’s shoulder rose as she took a deep breath. She stepped to the door and lightly rapped with her fist. She started to turn away when the screen creaked open. An wizened man with wisps of gray hair standing away from his head stood in the opening.
“What’s ja need?” he asked, leaning against the door jam.
Jason leaped from behind the corner of the house, a gun in his right hand. The elderly man jumped back and tried to slam the door, but he couldn’t move as rapidly as the younger man. Jason fired the gun twice. Marla stood staring at the blood squirting from the man’s narrow chest.
He doesn’t look like he could of had that much blood, she thought as she backed away, a hand at her throat.
Showing through action:
The couple moved in stops and starts down the country road. The young man with the stringy hair would pull the stumbling woman, no more than a teenager, and she would resist. They stopped, and the man shook the girl, yelling at her. The girl’s shoulder heaved, but she no longer fought him as they proceeded to a house set back from the gravel road.
The man hopped onto the wrap-around porch and hid behind the corner of the house. He motioned to the girl to knock on the door. She hesitated. He pumped his fist in her direction and pointed to the door. She lowered her head but did as directed.
When an elderly man opened the screen, the younger man leaped from behind the corner of house, a gun in his right hand. The elderly man jumped back and tried to slam the door, but the younger man was faster. He fired the gun twice. The girl stared at the blood squirting from the older man’s narrow chest.
Showing in poetry:
Anger
" Anger"
Black, billowing smoke, fed by blazing flames,
Twists the mid and soul like a blade
Turning within a blast furnace of molten steel
Thought becomes muddled with eruptions of agony;
Nothing is clear or positive, but all confrontational,
Filled with the desire to hurt, to maim, even kill.
The pounding of one’s heart closes his ears
To reason, to the cry of control, of restraint.
When the final explosion destroys all reason,
What is left is ashes of physical insanity,
The remains of emotional destruction,
The exhaustion felt by losing all inhibition.
Joy becomes a dim memory lost in violence.
copyright 2006 by Vivian Gilbert Zabel
If we as writers try to write as if the narrator is an observer recording the actions, behavior, and story as it unfolds before him, then we are showing, not telling.
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Some Words from Our Readers
merlin 
Dear Viv,
I think anyone who writes a "how to start writing" newsletter is being very brave. Lots of people use the advice of others as an excuse for any failure on their own part. When I'm asked the how do you do it question, I usually answer - with pen and paper! Actually I use all the methods you mentioned, cupboards full of stuff waiting their turn to be used. The best one? I call it the organic method, start one story and at least one more is lining up in my head. There are times when I wish I could write more than one at a time.
Best Wishes
Wyvernz
One reason I gave more than one way is because everyone starts writing a different way. If someone wants to blame another person for failure, then that's a failure many already have. I'm glad you have used many ideas already. I understand what you mean about wishing to write more than one at a time.
scribbler 
What about when you are just hit with an idea out of the blue? That usually happens to me.
Sounds good to me. I just gave some ways people could get started, not that they have to use any of those ways. Whatever works, please use it.
Caren Rose
Thanks for all the great newsletters! There seem to be a lot about how to get started on a story, but I'd like to see a NL about what to do if you already have a pretty developed idea but you're just STUCK. This is always my problem . . . maybe the way to get un-stuck just varies from person to person, though. I don't know.
~Caren
Why not try some of the ideas to get started to get unstuck? Perhaps, you can role play: become one of your characters and work through the problem area as that character. Just a couple of suggestions that I hope may work.
zwisis
Wonderful newsletter. A reminder that inspiration is all around us, just waiting to be used to create a story.
Thank you so much.
billwilcox
Heya, Viv, another great lesson from teacher. I am a role-play writer. I become the character, and then he tells me how the story will go. I am also a bit weird...which helps. Great ideas and a great newsletter. Write On!
It's good to have you back, Bill. Role-play on.
writeone
Thanks for a great newsletter. I choose the stream of consciousness if a first line pops into my head, or if I have a prompt. That usually works pretty well. I carry a digital voice recorder for those time when I need to capture the thoughts running through my head and it is not safe to write (while driving!), that might help others also. A word to the wise: try not to get your ideas from a fiction novel, unless it comes from thin air and is nothing like what you are reading. There could be the danger of slipping into the author's story.
Keep up the good work!
writeone
Good advice. Other authors don't like copyright infringement very much.
kelly1202
Great newsletter Viv. A lot of helpful ideas to get started, especially when writer's block seems to settle in. I'm going to print these ideas off and next time I get stuck, I'll know where to start.
indent} --kelly1202
I'm glad my article can be of help. Thanks, Kelly.
Until next month, read and write beautiful short stories.
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