 Comedy: October 09, 2024 Issue [#12776] |
This week: Hurricanes Edited by: Robert Waltz  
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Perhaps one day earthquakes, hurricanes and financial crashes will all be predictable. But we don't have to wait until then for seismology, meteorology and economics to become sciences; they already are.
—Eric Maskin
Some of us don't respect water. We waste it and pour it out. But a lot of disastrous stuff involves water. Tsunamis. Hurricanes.
—Gza
I've been through quite a few hurricanes. I worked in North Carolina, where there's a housing development whose name was Landfall.
—James Van Der Beek |
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Let me clarify up front, here: there is nothing funny about a hurricane (or, depending on where you live, a cyclone, typhoon, or whatever a tropical storm is called). However, as with many other disasters over which we have no or limited control, holding on to a sense of humor can sometimes help us get through. In no way do I intend this to minimize the devastation such storms can bring.
I live in the southeastern US; Virginia, to be more precise, but far enough inland that true hurricane-force storms are very rare. When they do blow through, they tend to be no worse than a cold-front thunderstorm... which is bad enough when it comes to flooding, wind damage, and general, all-around misery.
However, as we've seen recently, being inland and at a higher elevation is no guarantee of anything. Which is generally true, anyway; we don't get guarantees, only risk assessments. Nature is going to nature, regardless of where you are.
Many years ago, one September, my (at the time) wife and I spent some time on vacation at Hilton Head, South Carolina, a place not exactly known to be hurricane-proof. Naturally, as soon as we left, they started predicting a hurricane. Fortunately, we didn't get much bad weather at the vacation spot, as the storm passed east of the shore, well out into the Atlantic.
And then it took a turn to the northwest, on a collision course with my house.
We came back, days later, to a neighborhood still cleaning up. Trees were down; the power had been out for a very long time. The neighbors had organized trips to relatively unaffected areas to buy ice, booze, and other necessities. Also fortunately, the enormous tree in front of my house remained in front of the house, and not inside it.
Approximately one hour after we got home, the neighborhood's power came back on. Sure, we had to clean out the refrigerator and freezer, but as that was the limit of our losses, we counted ourselves lucky.
Like I said, that was many years ago, and we've been relatively hurricane-free since then. But that luck couldn't possibly last, so this year, I thought, "Why not go to Europe in early autumn? That way, I might miss another hurricane." Sure, I might come back to that tree, now 20 years older, taller, and heavier, inside my house, but at least I won't have been in the house at the time, right?
So, of course, as I write this, an Atlantic hurricane is on a direct collision course with Europe. Specifically, its projected track takes it directly over Belgium. And I'm in Belgium.
I can't help but feel personally targeted.
By the time you read this, the forecast could have changed. Probably did. Hopefully did. Because otherwise, that hurricane (at "only" tropical storm strength, which is plenty bad) will hit Belgium on the precise day that I plan to leave, and I'd be stuck in Brussels for another three days.
There are worse fates.
If you live in hurricane country (which shouldn't include Europe, but like I said, there are no guarantees), please stay safe so you can keep on not laughing at my jokes. And maybe call in an expert about that enormous hurricane-bait tree in your front yard.
Ooooh... I should take my own advice, one of these days. |
Some funnies:
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Last time, in "Fall Out" , I ranted about the horrors of the season between summer and winter.
oldgreywolf on wheels  : Right. Go to the tropics. Find out how big centipedes and spiders can get. Learn about "jungle fever" from a single mosquito bite, and be reminded off and on for decades. Take a camera with high speed and color capability for the birds, the flowers, the women (you are single, right?), the contrast between the modern and for-the-tourist architecture. Don't drink the water; that's what alcoholic beverages are for. Ask for an English translation of what's for dinner and watch your tablemates' eyes.
Biggest problem with the tropics is that an old fart's body takes too long to readapt.
Well, certainly, no place is perfect, though I can handle imperfections better if I'm warm. But I did avoid February one year by going to visit a friend on Maui. Which is, in fact, in the tropics, mostly English-speaking, and relatively giant-centipede-free.
GeminiGem🐾  : I think women (as a very general rule) are the ones who love fall. Since I am a woman and I love fall, I feel like I can get away with that stereotype.
Vermont IS stunning in the fall. I used to live there. I didn't appreciate it at the time because I moved away when I was 17. To put it in my teenage vernacular, I never understood what the "big whoop" was. The town we lived in would get over run with touristy "leaf peekers", and the people who lived there would give up trying to drive through their own town.
Now, I live in a place where the wind takes care of any leaves that fall from the trees, and nobody cares if you let nature take care of them. Of course, I don't live in the city, either.
It's a general failing of humankind that we don't appreciate what we have until we don't have it anymore. The upside of this is that it makes for some good comedy.
So that's it for me for October! See you next month. Until then, stay dry and...
LAUGH ON!!!
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