 Comedy: January 03, 2024 Issue [#12343] |
This week: New Year, Same Person Edited by: Robert Waltz  
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This is a new year. A new beginning. And things will change.
—Taylor Swift
Rather than turning the page, it's much easier to just throw the book away.
—Anthony Liccione
You can initiate a phase of death and rebirth at any time. You don't have to sit idle and wait for an outside force to make that happen for you. Choose to end things. This will always spark an opportunity for a new beginning.
—Robin S. Baker |
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This newsletter is scheduled for January 3, and you know what that means: That's right, it's time for me to pretend I'm not laughing at you for already failing at your New Year's resolutions.
Thing is, though, I'm not. Laughing, that is. I'm not one for resolutions, myself, but I have some experience with trying to improve myself, and failing.
I'm just not convinced that a resolution is the way to go about it. You think you want something—to add something to or subtract something from your life—so you set an arbitrary date to make the change.
Say, for example, you decide to, I don't know, stop eating cheeseburgers. Why you'd want to stop eating cheeseburgers, one of nature's most perfect foods, is beyond me, but I wanted to choose something relatively inoffensive.
So, say, in August of some year, you tell yourself to quit eating cheeseburgers... on December 31. Meanwhile, you spend the rest of the year munching on delicious warm sandwiches (maybe philosophizing to yourself and anyone who will listen about whether a cheeseburger is technically a sandwich), enjoying every last bite, while counting down the days.
Thing is, if you really wanted to quit eating cheeseburgers, you'd just do it. Right then, right there, no waffling, no deadline-setting. You have already eaten your last cheeseburger, and that's that.
Clearly, you don't actually want to stop eating cheeseburgers. What do you want? Well, answer that one honestly, and you might have some success.
No, I say, save your New Year's resolutions for things that you think you actually have a chance of accomplishing. For example, resolve to make no further resolutions.
Over the past few years, I've had some success in doing certain things every day. Writing, for example. That one started in December of 2019, and continues to this day. Or doing language lessons; I started that one in August of that same year, meaning I've done nearly 1600 consecutive days of lessons, and I can now ask a French person where my pants are. Badly.
Will I fail at these things at some point? With absolute certainty, I will. I could get my arms bitten off by a shark. I don't swim anymore, but hey, it could happen. If nothing else, I'm over 97% certain that I'm not going to live forever.
Or, you could always use your resolutions for revenge. Still mad at your ex? Resolve to send them a glitter bomb. Remember that tool who stole your parking spot in 2006? Decide that now is the time to find them and let the air out of their tires.
If you fail at those, you've lost nothing. But if you succeed, how sweet it would be. |
Some comedy to bring in 2024 with a smile:
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Last time, in "Travel Advice" , I dispensed some important wisdom concerning travel.
🌕 HuntersMoon  : First, thank you for noticing that I wrote something even though it was a hundred years ago. 
Second, try asking "Where's the last place you ate that wasn't at home?" Just a thought...
Thanks for sharing. Hope your trip is more uneventful than the last!
1. Sometimes I find an old item that I forgot I wrote, and I laugh at the wit and wisdom of the unknown, but obviously brilliant, author. I can only assume this happens to everyone else, too. 2. Hopefully not Chipotle. 3. Well, my car wasn't totaled by a rogue deer this time, so, yes.
Happy New Year, all! See you next time. Until then,
LAUGH ON!!!
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