 Comedy: November 09, 2022 Issue [#11650] |
This week: That Old Standard Edited by: Robert Waltz  
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I say it is impossible that so sensible a people, under such circumstances, should have lived so long by the smoky, unwholesome and enormously expensive light of candles if they had really known that they might have had as much pure light of the sun for nothing.
—Benjamin Franklin
I don’t really care how time is reckoned so long as there is some agreement about it, but I object to being told that I am saving daylight when my reason tells me that I am doing nothing of the kind. I even object to the implication that I am wasting something valuable if I stay in bed after the sun has risen. As an admirer of moonlight I resent the bossy insistence of those who want to reduce my time for enjoying it. At the back of the daylight saving scheme I detect the bony, blue-fingered hand of Puritanism, eager to push people into bed earlier, and get them up earlier, to make them healthy, wealthy and wise in spite of themselves.
—Robertson Davies
I don’t mind going back to daylight saving time. With inflation, the hour will be the only thing I’ve saved all year.
—Victor Borge |
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Here on the East Coast of the United States, last weekend, we engaged in the annual ritual known as "fall back." This is when Big Government mandates that everyone in the universe (or at least certain parts of the US, which amounts to the same thing) turn back their clocks one hour to align with time-zone-adjusted Universal Time.
This observance also triggers the perpetual debate over whether we ought to be doing this or not.
I gotta be honest, though: it doesn't affect me all that much. Most of my devices automatically reset the time in accordance with arcane instructions from elsewhere. The only exceptions are my stove and microwave clocks, which I have to reset every time the power even thinks about dropping out. Admittedly, the microwave is a bit of a pain in the arse: for some occult reason, it demands that I set the date when I reset the time. Hence, my microwave perpetually exists in the latter part of 2011 or early 2012, because it's just easier for me to hit 11/11/11 when the prompt comes up.
But I digress. As I said, it doesn't affect me much. I don't have a commute. I don't have kids in school (or anywhere else for that matter). I sleep when I feel like it, wake up when I feel like it, and the total time of daylight or darkness is gong to be the same no matter what time we decide is sunrise.
There is, however, one overarching, compelling reason to stop with the annual time foolery: I'm bloody damn well sick and tired of hearing about it twice a year. Reminders, arguments for, arguments against: whatever.
Consequently, I don't care which time system we pick here on the East Coast: UTC-4 or UTC-5. Hell, split the difference and call it UTC-4.5. Lots of places are on the half-hour: parts of India and Australia, for example. Point is, I don't care. Just freakin' pick one and call it a day. Or a year. Or whatever.
Oh, you don't want DST to continue through the winter because then you have to get up before sunrise to go to work? That's not an argument against clock-switching; that's an argument about the social expectation of standard work times. Hell, back in the 70s, we were promised that the advent of computers would improve productivity so much that we wouldn't need to work an intolerable 40 hours a week anymore; we could get by with 30, or even 20. Instead, what happened? Now they expect 80. For a while there, I was commuting to work in the dark and coming home in the dark. In summer, even.
You think we need an "extra hour" of sunlight in the summer months? That's not an argument against clock-switching; that's an argument for leaving work an hour early.
"But what about farmers?" What about 'em? Same number of daylight hours no matter what, and cows don't have clocks (but they can see the sunlight just fine). Besides, farmers are like 1% of the population now, and tractors these days have headlights.
"But my kids will go to school in the dark." Easy: make school start later. It's better for the kids anyway. "But then I'll be late for work!" See above. Better yet, eliminate summer vacation in favor of winter vacation. Can't go to school on a dark winter's day if there's no school in winter. Bonus: fewer snow days to make up at the end of the term.
In short, you're not saving any time by having daylight saving time; you're just creating extra work for yourself, and for the computer programmers who have to keep up with that nonsense.
Best of all, you'll never have to see a rant like this ever again. Wouldn't that be nice?
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going back to November 11, 2011. |
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No comments from my last newsletter, "Comedy" , where I explored the original meanings of comedy.
So that's it for me for November. See you next month! Unless it's too dark to see. Until then,
LAUGH ON!!!
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