 Comedy: May 25, 2022 Issue [#11374] |
This week: Once Upon a Renfairy Tale Edited by: Robert Waltz  
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[how can anyone] be silly enough to think himself better than other people, because his clothes are made of finer woolen thread than theirs. After all, those fine clothes were once worn by a sheep, and they never turned it into anything better than a sheep.
― Thomas More, Utopia
The next time somebody announces that he plans to get Medieval on your ass, tell him you're going to get Renaissance on his gonads.
― James Morrow, The Last Witchfinder
Just as not all butterflies produce a hurricane, not all outbreaks of bubonic plague produce a Renaissance.
― Eric Weiner |
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I had occasion recently to visit a Renaissance Festival, or RenFaire for those who can't spell either Renaissance or Fair.
This wasn't my first rodeo, though for reasons that should be obvious, it's been a few years since my last one. Around here, May weather is unpredictable up to 5 hours in advance, so my friends and I did the best we could, picking a weekend that didn't look like it would pour down rain upon us. In that, we were successful, instead having to deal with the accursed daystar beating us with temperatures in the mid-90s. That's Fahrenheit, for those of you who live in logical countries and were about to make a comment about global warming being even worse than we thought.
Still, 95F is plenty hot, even for those of us, like me, who consider anything below 60 to be freezing. I even overheard the old saw in passing: "I like it cold because you can always put on more clothes, but you can only take off so much." That nonsense annoys me for two reasons. One, have you ever seen people who live in hot open spaces? They don't run around naked; they cover themselves head to toe in loose-fitting clothing, often black. This seems counterintuitive, but it works: It provides portable shade, keeps some moisture in, and lets the wind do natural air-conditioning. Second, this is a RenFaire. No one expects you to be fully dressed. I wore street clothes, but half the other guys there were wearing kilts. Now, those make sense for hot weather, even though they were specifically developed in one of the coldest inhabited regions of the planet.
Speaking of dressing, RenFaire attendees are all over the map. A lot of tourists (and any of us without the means or creativity to create period costumes) just wear whatever, but the staff, workers, entertainers, buskers, and many participants really go all-out. And if you've ever seen a bodice, you know exactly what I mean by "all out."
This is, of course, one of the primary reasons I go to RenFaires.
Despite the actual Renaissance having taken place in most of Europe (yes, other areas had their own renaissances, but in the US, these things are Euro-centric), most faires I've been to focus on Elizabethan England, with maybe a touch of France (as is appropriate for Elizabethan England, as they touched a lot in that period, usually with swords and arrows). Which is fine; it's bad enough everyone who works there affects a fake Elizabethan accent -- I say "fake" because we don't know how they really spoke, but that particular lilt has become a trope -- it would be even worse if they attempted Middle German, Old French, or, gods forbid, Latin.
And you know what I'm talking about, even if you haven't been to a faire. Lots of weird pronunciations, with a bunch of "milord" and "milady" sprinkled in, sometimes even directed at the appropriate gender.
But they don't limit themselves to that period, oh no. Or even reality. I saw a whole passel of elves, a few steampunkers (different Queen, guys), full body armor, and even a couple of furries. And I'll just take this opportunity to remind you that it was 95 freaking degrees out there; I can only admire the dedication of the furries.
It was, in fact, more like a fantasy convention than a RenFaire. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
There were lots of things to blow money on to support the otherwise unemployed actors running the place, some traditionally Renaissance, some very modern. Also modern were the very prominent ATMs, complete with Renaissance bunting, scattered all over the place, in case you wanted to spend more than you brought with you.
At least the food was less likely to kill you than traditional Renaissance food. After all, as much as people romanticize the past, you can't argue with modern sanitation.
In any case, it's a great source of fun and amusement, and if you haven't been, give it a try. You don't have do dress in a gown or knightly armor. Just be prepared to deal with the idiotic accents. |
A few bites of humor, post-Renaissance:
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Last time, in "Cheese" , I sang a hymn of praise to Cheeses.
🌕 HuntersMoon  : Cheese as an object of comedy? You gouda fooled me.  And, thanks for the highlight!
Thank you for making a gouda pun based on a different word than "good."
Fivesixer  : One of my favorite local bands back in the late 90's released an album called "Cheeses Of Nazareth". Your pun is forgiven.
Please tell me it wasn't a Nazareth cover band.
Beholden  : It's worth pointing out that, at the very least, cheese is a reason for the existence of the French.
C'est vrai ? Mais il y a aussi du vin.
GeminiGem🐾  : I recently decided to improve my diet. I was researching foods that support a healthy brain and the first thing it said was that I should avoid eating cheese.
My reaction to this bit of advice? "Well, that sounds stupid," as I bit into a hunk of Monterey Jack.
Not worth it. Even if it's true. Which I sincerely doubt.
NaNoNette  When I was younger, I ate a lot of Gorgonzola. In my mind, the logical progression would be that I would mature to love the spiciness of Roquefort. I like it, but it turns out I'm a softy Cambozola eater.
I never trusted Gorgonzola. Because in my twisted brain, I always figured one of Medusa's relatives made it.
So that's it for me for the merry month of May! See you next month. Until then,
LAUGH ON!!!
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