 Comedy: February 02, 2022 Issue [#11189] |
This week: Walking the Walk Edited by: Robert Waltz  
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Some people walk in the rain, others just get wet.
—Roger Miller
A line is a dot that went for a walk.
—Paul Klee
Golf is a good walk spoiled.
—Mark Twain |
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For various reasons, I haven't owned a car since last July.
This isn't as big a deal as it would be in other circumstances, even though one of my favorite things to do is to drive around the country (which is what led to my car being totaled in the first place). It's not like travel is a lot of fun right now because, well, you know; and since I live in a city, I can walk most places.
And I don't mind walking.
Usually.
Walking isn't bad so long as the temperatures don't reach triple digits, and my doctors have been trying to convince me to do it for years, to little effect. By the way, I live in the US, so I'm using F (Freedom Degrees) and not C (Commie Degrees) here; triple digits isn't boiling, but it's pretty damn hot. A mile (again, Freedom Units) is nothing, two is easy enough, three is about my limit before I give up and summon an Uber.
Recently, a friend and I visited a town about six hours away, just to get out of town for a bit. I specifically arranged for lodging near all the places we wanted to go (*cough*microbreweries*cough*), so we could walk to most of them.
Naturally, the day we left, the sky opened up and dumped sn*w everywhere (I really, really despise sn*w), and the temperature plummeted, not quite to single digits (again, think in Degrees of Freedom), but damn close.
There wasn't much sn*w there, comparatively speaking, but it was enough to coat the sidewalks. So the combination of slippery conditions, blowing sn*w, and sub-freezing temperatures completely altered my perception of how far I was willing to walk.
"Okay, so this brewery is half a mile from here..." "Uber."
We get there, have a couple. Then pick our way across the frozen wasteland to one that was around the corner, arriving with icicles hanging from our chins.
Then we saw another one two blocks away and on the other side of the street. It had dropped even colder at this point, and the wind had picked up to thirty miles an hour.
"You can see the sign from here."
"So?"
"Uber?"
"Uber."
The next day, the daystar returned to the sky, most of the sidewalk ice melted, and the temperature rose to a balmy 45 degrees Freedom. (Please note that normally, I consider anything below about 60 to be "freezing.") And I walked four and a half miles that day, though not all at once, sweating in the extreme heat.
To be fair, it's not like I would have been driving, either way, because of the beer and all. It's just that now I know my limits. For walking, I mean; not for beer. |
And now for some Comedy to warm you up (or, for the readers below the Equator, cool you down):
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Last time, in "Winter Wonderland" , I complained about sn*w.
tj-turkey-jobble-jobble-hard-J  : I enjoyed the newsletter; I live in Minnesota and we get plenty of snow. Even so, most people never seem to understand how to drive in it, or perhaps I should say, how not to drive in it.
I enjoyed visiting Minnesota... in July. I don't think I'd survive a winter there.
So that's it for me for February. I'll be back next month -- until then...
LAUGH ON!!!
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