 Horror/Scary: December 22, 2021 Issue [#11129] |
This week: Christmas Ghosts Edited by: W.D.Wilcox  
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“The house smelled musty and damp, and a little sweet, as if it were haunted by the ghosts of long-dead cookies.”
― Neil Gaiman, American Gods
“The people you love become ghosts inside of you, and like this you keep them alive.”
― Rob Montgomery
“Conscience is no more than the dead speaking to us.”
― Jim Carroll
“The muses are ghosts, and sometimes they come uninvited.”
― Stephen King, Bag of Bones
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Christmas Ghosts
'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.'
Now I don't know about you, but to me, this sounds like the beginning of a good ol' horror story. But it seems towards the end of each year, as fireplaces are lit and hot cocoa is made, Americans have made it a tradition to revisit their favorite classic holiday books, movies and songs. And though ghost stories may seem out of place in present-day American holiday celebrations, they were once a Christmas staple, reaching their peak of popularity in Victorian England with Charles Dickens. Halloween might seem like the spookiest time of year, but Charles Dickens felt otherwise.
Allow me to ruin the holiday spirit for just a moment. Being the darkest and coldest month of the year, December has traditionally been a time of horror stories. The 19th Century is full of Christmas-themed horrors, especially ghost stories. And long before that, ancient pagan religions and rituals have some truly terrifying figures who do a lot worse than stuff some coal in your stocking for being bad. Here are just a few . . . .
Perchta
This Celtic goddess is a hard-core Santa Claus, and not in the fun way. She came up in the Alpine regions around the Middle Ages as a sort of "traditions" police. She made sure cultural taboos didn't get tabooed. During the twelve days of Christmas (and especially on the twelfth night, because she procrastinates like a college student and crams everything in at the last minute) she would roam the frozen countryside and sneak into people's homes. If the children and servants of a house had behaved and worked hard all year, she might give them a small silver coin, hiding it in a shoe or pail. But if they were on the Naughty List, Perchta would slit their bellies open, remove all of their guts, and stuff the body with straw and pebbles. To get this treatment, you don't have to do much. Girls who hadn't spun all of their flax or wool that year would become Christmas straw dolls. Or even if someone ate something on their day of feast other than the traditional foods of fish and gruel. So, you know, everyone was up for grabs.
St. Nicholas
When he wasn't committing crimes such as breaking and entering, the French version of Santa Clause (St. Nicholas) was out solving crimes. His specialty was murder. And if he was in a particularly good mood, he'd bring them back to life (in a disappointingly non-zombie-like fashion). One such story begins with three children who got lost in the woods- because you know, terrible things like this happen when children venture off into the woods. They stumble upon a butcher's house and ask for help. He invites them inside, fattens them up, and sends them to bed. Then he gets the Worst Host of the Year Award by chopping them up into little pieces and sticking them in a barrel of salt for petits salés, a salty pork dish.
Krampus
You can't have a spooky Christmas list without Krampus. This guy is Saint Nick's evil twin. While Saint Nicholas focuses only on the good children, Krampus dedicates his attention to the less goody-two-shoed. Tamer versions of Krampus have him doing nothing more than scaring kids and giving them lumps of coal, while their friends get candy from Saint Nicholas. Sometimes he whips them into shape with a birch. The more hard-core version has him with a sack or basket to kidnap children. Depending on who's telling the story, Krampus either eats them, drowns them, or sends them straight to Hell.
Grither
The Grither is a monster who lives in the North Pole, probably just down the street from Santa Claus. He has these really large hands that he uses to reach into people's houses and squeeze their heads until they pop. Oh, and I hope you're not reading this out loud. The Grither hates the sound of his own name. His victims are the ones who say it out loud.
Now everyone knows, Christmas is all about the birth of Our Lord, Jesus Christ, but even on that momentous occasion, Herod the Great, ordered that all babies of Bethlehem, two years old and under, should be slaughtered. Now that is horrifying.
Merry Christmas,
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Ghost Stories
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DEAD LETTERS
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The most unique book I've read? I think it might be the book about dragons that my kids had when they were kids. I have forgotten the name of it but it was beautifully illustrated and, more importantly, contained a detailed consideration of the dragon physiology. This was extremely well thought out, including an explanation of how they were able to fly with such tiny wings in comparison to their body size, and the reason for their exhaling fire. It all made such perfect sense that it became possible to believe that there were once such things as dragons with all the usual powers attributed to them. It was unusual in that it demonstrated that logic can be as beautiful as any illustration.
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