 Romance/Love: June 07, 2006 Issue [#1086] |
  Romance/Love
This week: Edited by: Lexi  
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Love cannot endure indifference. It needs to be wanted. Like a lamp, it needs to be fed out of the oil of another's heart, or its flame burns low. ~ Henry Ward Beecher
Amor vincit omnia. ["Love conquers all"] ~ Geoffrey Chaucer
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 In The Real World
Have you ever noticed that marital bliss can fizzle quickly into routine's abyss? At the beginning of a marriage, the romance can be very exciting and abundant. Then, as time moves on, it erodes as the novelty wears off. As a newlywed, it is difficult to determine whether or not the romance will last in a marriage; however, that should be the furthest thing from your mind.
In order to have a solid and lasting marriage there needs to be communication, respect, faithfulness, and honesty. If you do not have these qualities in your own marriage, then not having romance in the relationship is the least of your worries.
If a marriage lacks romantic moments, the ordinary moments can be uncomfortable and seemingly not worth it. We want our hearts to beat with anticipation and our stomachs to feel butterflies, just like when we looked at our partners on our wedding days. We want these emotions to still be present even after years of marriage. They may not be as frequent, but they should still remain.
You ought not stop loving someone simply because they have changed. You should have the desire to work together to discover ways to keep the relationship feeling alive and fresh. W. Somerset once said, "We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love. It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person."
Communication is an important factor in maintaining a healthy and romantic relationship. If you do not talk about thoughts, opinions, and concerns, then you will never know what the other is thinking. You need to talk about the entire situation and offer suggestions as to what might bring back the romance. Do not just say, "This is not what we used to be like." That statement offers nothing constructive.
Explore different options. Romance can be hidden where you least expect it. There are certain ways that you can create a romantic mood or setting in places you never thought you could. Something as simple as writing a love letter could make all the difference. If you use some imagination and creativity, you too can turn an ordinary moment into a magical one.
The most crucial thing is to not give up before trying, if you are serious about wanting the marriage to last. You stand to lose all the investment of the past years if you give less than your best effort. Some people say, "It's sink or swim time." Do not sink quietly into that abyss of routine. Rekindle that romance which will keep you buoyant.
In The Writing World
While readers want relationships to work out, a fairy tale courtship is rather boring. As characters grow, hardships and interpersonal issues develop. Use it! Make these trials and tribulations into the spice which really makes a romance special.
First, create expectations. If Joe and Mary are the first characters who bat eyes at each other, naturally the reader will root for them to be a couple. Next, throw some wrenches into the works. They need difficulties to overcome, by way of proving how strong their feelings are.
Then, create some doubt. Perhaps something (or someone) comes along to make the reader honestly fear that their expectations might not come true. Assumed deaths, strict customs, and fixed marriages would be common examples. Finally, reach the climax with some sizzle. Whether the original couple gets together or not, make a good impression. The reader has been waiting to see how the relationship develops, and fireworks of some kind are in order.
If characters start out as a couple, operate in reverse. The deconstruction of a relationship can be a slow and sad thing. The expectation then becomes that they'll break up or divorce. You can make the couple find their love again after overcoming an ordeal together. Go ahead and let art imitate life; it is more believable that way.
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Katya the Poet : Loved the Casanova excerpt!
monty31802: Super Newsletter Lexi, I really enjoyed it and not because I was one of your picks but because you had a couple of others that were great, and although at my age Casanova surely was no new name in romantic terms to me, I had never heard that his cross tore lady's dresses, just proves Love never dies.
billwilcox: Lexi, What a great article about Casanova. Superb!
spazmom  : Interesting stuff on Casanova. Have you seen the movie? How realistic is it compared to what you know of him? It's too bad romance is so confused with Love that many do not know the one from the other. good job.
Lexi : I haven't seen the movie, but I did read a lot of research on him. There was more to his character than I would have imagined.
All comments or questions are appreciated.
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