 Comedy: June 09, 2021 Issue [#10806] |
This week: Northern Command Center At Last! Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ  
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I should have been home mid-May, but my plans were hijacked by some Russian hackers! |
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Have you ever watched the old movie, "The Russians are Coming?" I started thinking about that recently. Yes, I know, Russia was one of our enemies with the Cold War being a constant fright hanging over school children's heads back in the mid-century. I always wondered how taking cover under a desk would stop a bomb, but in my case, it was a Catholic School and we kids had the "Big Guy" above watching over us, so we felt safe. 
That was a flash from the past, folks! However, I see a new kind of horror coming at us, at least all of us who love using the internet for so much of our daily conveniences. Online banking makes it easy to pay our bills with the touch of a few keys. Also, a big plus for a germophobe like me is never having to lick another envelope -- EVER! Greetings are sent, gift cards to to along with them gets us through birthdays and holidays when we are a long distance away our loved ones. So, when the internet or banking facilities or medical records get hacked, we are left feeling exposed and vulnerable. Yup, this is how the new age battles are fought. They take away our electronic lifelines! 
With all that said, you now understand how my travel plans got interfered with by some Russian hacker!
Who knew hijacking a natural gas pipeline, that pretty much bisects the North and the South would cause so much trouble for travelers? I mean we use gasoline in our cars, right? But, even though the ransom demands were met quickly, the gas stations still ran out of gas at a high percentage rate throughout Georgia and the Carolinas. Seemingly North Carolina took the longest to recover with around 75% of stations being out of gas. Whatever the rhyme or reason of it all, it kicked up a whole lot of fear and hoarding. The news showed cars lined-up for miles awaiting their turn at the gas pump. One pump in South Carolina only had regular, dirty gas left, which surprised me because I figured the cheapest gasoline would be the first to go. But not here, no! It was the Premium gas that ran out. It didn’t affect me, since my Ruby is not fussy about whether it’s gourmet or fast-food fare, she just wants to get fed.
Thankfully the trip went on almost uneventfully. However, with all the panic at each exit and I suppose mix-in the sense of freedom to finally travel, as states were opening back up from the Covid 19 shutdowns, people seemed to be involved in more fender-benders, and other road cluttering, traffic stopping accidents on the interstate. One in particular made me angry and made me laugh at the same time. It appears that our delay in traffic due to gaper-blocks, rubber-necking, whatever you prefer to call it, curiosity always slows down traffic even if the lanes are otherwise opened freely for travel. There were two 18 wheeler semi trucks on the left side breakdown lane near the median strip. One had a good dent in its trailer and the box had shifted to the left on its trailer. The other, the perpetrator of the mishap stood in the median strip on his cell phone, probably calling his lawyer. Perhaps he shouldn't have been on that cell phone when he drifted over the center lane and nudged the other trucker in the passing lane nearly making him toss his load, so to speak. 
Anyway, it's good to be back in my Northern Command center, with 24-7 hot and cold running internet! (Mostly, I do live in the boonies, ya know.) 
I'll leave you with some signs posted on business sites, and billboards, across the fruited plains of America ... And the social media memes, of course!
"If one door closes and another door opens ... Your house is probably haunted"
"With all This Rain, We Need an Ark. Fear Not ... We Noah Guy!"
"A guy just threw milk at me ... How DAIRY!"
"Commercials in 2030 will be like: Were you or someone you know overly exposed to hand sanitizer, Lysol or Bleach during the 2020 pandemic? If so you maybe eligible for compensation"
That's all she memered for this month's edition of The Comedy Newsletter.
Until next time--laugh hard, laugh often!
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