 Comedy: May 12, 2021 Issue [#10749] |
This week: A Toe Hold Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ  
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One day a pool inspector showed-up and asked if our toes could fit into the heat/air circulation pump holes in the bottom of the pool. When one lady responded that she could fit her toe into the hole, the inspector told management to place spout covers over all the holes. That made the holes much narrower and they couldn’t get a toe stuck.  |
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The day the pool guy showed up with a scuba suit we were naturally curious. He also had a huge tank and some hoses. I asked him if he was plugging that tank into the electrical outlet. He said he was because it would supply power to the oxygen hose he needed to spend a longer time underwater. That was the red cord. Whatever the yellow cord was for, I have no idea, but it connected to something noisy. Just to be funny, because, well--that's what I like to do, I asked him if he was really a serial killer trying to throw a live electrical cord into the pool in order to off all of us enjoying our time there. He laughed, but I still insisted he got into the pool before turning on any switch. I figure if he was on the up and up, he wouldn't refuse to do that. After all, there was no reason to fear electrocution if he were willing to join us, right? Then my mind went to the other angle that turns up on mystery stories, murder-suicide!  ( No, this is not the Horror/Scary Newsletter. )
All did go well. When he was packing up, I asked him if the things placed on the holes were really detonators that he would set off after he was safely out of the pool. He laughed and kept packing up the equipment. Just as he was ready to leave, he leaned over the pool and whispered, "You know I don't have to be near the pool to set off the detonators. I could be blocks away from the scene." I knew I liked this guy from the start. He was fast, efficient and had a good sense of humor. When I asked him how much longer he would be gathering up equipment and packing his truck. He told me it would be another half hour before he was leaving the park. Yes, folks, I actually got out of the pool before that half hour was up. Better safe than sorry, eh?
When I returned to the pool the next day the fittings he placed into the holes had a smaller diameter than the holes before the new additions. It caused the air flow through them to be more concentrated. I noticed many smiling ladies gathering over the new improvements.  After so many amenities were cut during the past year, there was one added amenity to the pool that was …
Wait for it …
Wait for it …
A great foot massage! 
Oh, please, get your minds out of the gutter. What did you think I meant? 
That’s all she wrote for this edition of the Comedy Newsletter.
Until next time—laugh hard, laugh often!
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Some feedback from last month's newsletter! "Comedy Newsletter (April 14, 2021)"
Joy 
 I know--way too well--of the troubles with red tape in NY and FL. When it comes to giving people a rude run, NY takes the cake.
FL, on the other hand, is a hit or miss. More miss than hit, although eventually, things correct themselves in a heated way.
And I think, you must be psychic.
The poor man is still waiting! The eye doctor signed the form stating he was A-OK to drive after his new eye exam. He brought the doctor's results in a sealed envelope to DMV. They told he they'd have to send it to Tallahassee, for approval. So he waits ... and waits ... ahhhhhhhhn ... 
Thanks for your feedback, Joy! 
BIG BAD WOLF Feeling Thankful 
I can understand the whole ID issue - Late February, wanted to take money out of the bank that my Unemployment was sent to - Let's call it Bank K, and not just an ATM. Normally I use Bank A1, which knows me - Bank K didn't know me. My Non-Driver's ID was expired since June. Made appointment to DMV - had to wait a few weeks. Finally get in, wait 20 minutes or so, give them my expired Non-Driver's ID, only to find that my expired Non-Driver's ID had been over-written by my Learner's Permit that had expired several years prior - luckily, I still had that, and they could use it. Then the DMV lady told me to use the expired Learner's Permit and to cut up the old Non-Driver's ID, and when my new ID came in to cut up the expired Learner's Permit - funny how they didn't mention that the last time. Ah well, at least I can get money out of Bank K now!
Oh, my gosh! Again the nonsensical red tape of all things bureaucratic, or somehow federally connected! So happy you got that worked-out. OBTW, did you throw out the Learner's Permit, or are you keeping it for future issues just in case? Asking for a friend!
Beholden 
Thanks very much for including my story, Boulderman, among the Editor's Picks.
You are most welcome, sir. 
Thank you for your feedback, folks. It really makes an editor's day/month ...
See you next month!
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