 Spiritual: April 14, 2021 Issue [#10716] |
This week: Some Lessons Are Hard To Learn Edited by: NaNoKit  
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What is the most worthwhile lesson you have learned in life? Some lessons are hard to learn, but in order to grow we must persevere.
This week's Spiritual Newsletter is all about facing the truth. And about kindness.
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Some lessons are hard to learn. Whilst most of the time it only takes one bad experience to help you avoid making that particular mistake ever again, this is not always the case. I can attest to that.
I am not good at making friends and worse at keeping them. It’s not that I don’t want the kind of friendship that lasts for life. I do. I truly care about my friends, and value them. I go through these stages, though, where I can’t bring myself to contact anyone – not even my family – and I go into this bubble for however long, and then it gets harder and harder to get back in touch with people because it’s happened so many times before, and apologies will sound empty by now, and the fear of anger and rejection makes me postpone and postpone, making everything incredibly difficult… it stands to reason that nobody will put up with that forever. Yet, it keeps on happening. It takes a tremendous amount of effort for me to maintain social relationships and if there are stressful things going on in my life, and I already feel drained, the bubble will happen sooner rather than later. Meaning that I will hurt people’s feelings and, at some point, they give up on me. I can’t blame them. It’s been an extremely hard lesson to learn that I can’t just expect others to be around and be the same with me whenever I happen to surface or, I never truly expected it, as I always felt terribly guilty, but I hoped. It was selfish of me. Friendships are supposed to be reciprocal, and if I cannot uphold my end I have no business taking up other people’s time and emotional effort.
I didn’t mean to bring you down with that confessional paragraph. You may think it more suited to my blog. The reason that I placed it in this newsletter, however, is that we sometimes have to be brutally honest with ourselves as it’s the only way that we can learn and grow as human beings. It’s too easy to avoid the truth, to hide it in a mental drawer. To not even dare face it when we pray or meditate. As if, if we don’t think about it, it isn’t real. Putting it out there may be unpleasant, and it may be embarrassing, but at least it is out there and that means that we can do something about it.
Now, my life isn’t as tragic as it may have sounded. I have a husband. I have family. I am surrounded by a lot of love. It sure would be nice to form some long-lasting friendships, though. My granny had friendships that lasted for decades. My uncle’s still friends with someone he met when they were Boy Scouts. They’re in their 60s now. That’s special, and that’s incredibly valuable to have someone who is there with you through thick and thin. Someone who you can trust. Someone who knows you, warts and all, and who’s got your back anyway (and you theirs). I am uncertain that I can ever form a friendship like that, but I’d like to get into a position where I can try.
There are other people who are much worse off than I am. People who face huge obstacles even when they dare confront their problems. For example, people with addictions often not only face overcoming that addiction; they also face the negative judgments of others. One of my neighbours has been battling an addiction for years now and even though he has been doing so well, there are some who cannot see past his, well, past. They won’t even give him a chance. That can make a person feel like their hard work is futile and place them at greater risk of setbacks.
Of course, it is not as straightforward as that. The issues surrounding addiction are complicated. Many problems that we people cope with are complicated. Being human is complicated!
Still, it is good to be kind to others whenever we can. It is also good – I would say essential – to be kind to ourselves. If we are not kind to ourselves we risk becoming our own worst enemy and stand in the way of any potential progress. We deserve kindness, you know. That may be the hardest lesson of all… yet incredibly worthwhile to learn.
NaNoKit
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The Spiritual Newsletter Team
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