 Comedy: December 09, 2020 Issue [#10506] |
This week: Apples Edited by: Waltz Invictus  
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If life gives you lemons, make apple juice and make people wonder how the hell you did it.
-Gurbaksh Chahal
Relationships are like apples: they can be sweet and satisfying. But once you bite into a bad one, it's hard to go back to the barrel again.
-John Avery
The revolution is not an apple that falls when it is ripe. You have to make it fall.
-Che Guevara |
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This time of year is not known as a time of healthy eating. I guess people figure they can turn their lives around come January 1, when they'll make a resolution that might last at least four hours. And yet, it's always important to try to eat healthy fruits and vegetables, and really,what could be more healthy than an apple?
So here are some facts
| Some of these might not actually be facts |
1. "Apple" was originally a generic word for "fruit." The French equivalent word, "pomme," was also a generic word for fruit, hence "pomme de terre" for potato ("fruit of the ground") and "pomegranate" ("fruit that's as hard as a rock").
2. Apple, Inc, formerly Apple Computers, formerly "that thing Steve's cluttering the garage with can you ask him to move his stuff?" wasn't named after the fruit but after the Beatles' record company of the same name. Hence one of the early Apple computer's names, the Macintosh, which is named after a common raincoat from Liverpool.
3. An apple invented gravity. It is not known whether this apple was red or green, but at relativistic velocities it doesn't matter.
4. Johnny Appleseed is credited with introducing apples into North America, where they became an invasive species and had to be eradicated by planting kudzu.
5. Contrary to popular belief, it was not an apple that Eve ate, but rather a banana. When Adam saw this, he got Ideas and God got Angry.
6. The botanical binomial of the commonly cultivated apple tree is Malus Domestica, which four years of Latin classes taught me means "Bad Servant." Apparently nobles used to throw apples at their peons who were misbehaving.
7. When an apple is cut up for making apple pie, it generally loses its a-peel.
8. New York City is called the Big Apple because Dutch merchants traded a big apple for Manhattan Island. Later, the English took it over and corrected the spelling from "Appel."
9. Red apples get their coloration from the blood of the sacrifice victim buried under the tree's roots.
10. It's said that "an apple a day keeps the doctor away." I don't know how true this is, but I keep a few by the door to fend off roving bands of surgeons.
Yes, I cribbed this editorial from my own blog. It's December and I'm lazy. |
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