 Short Stories: May 17, 2006 Issue [#1035] |
  Short Stories
This week: Edited by: Vivian  
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When we write, often we try to make our work memorable by searching for words that stand out, that illustrate our word craft in a "showy" manner. Often what we do is show that we don't know the correct word to use.
Hopefully this editorial will help all of us think about what and how we use words, whether in a letter or a story.
Next week's editor will be Leger~ 
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Write the Right Word - the Correct Word Matters
One glance at the following sentence causes a reader to pause and wonder what is wrong since some words don’t seem to “fit”: The peasant trotted into his bungalow, his shoulders dipped from languor and cold. Good writers find ways of tightening and strengthening their work by using appropriate, specific words. They create concrete images as they avoid general, overused, “cringe,” and/or incorrect words, whether in stories, articles, business letters, policy manuals, or speeches.
One source of appropriate and specific words is a thesaurus or synonym dictionary. However, as illustrated in the sentence in the preceding paragraph, unless the word is appropriately specific, it doesn’t work. Several words in the sentence are synonyms of general ones, but are not specific enough. For example, the word trotted indicates a jaunty type walk or run. A bungalow is a house or dwelling, but one that would be better than something that a peasant would occupy. Shoulders may dip, but only momentarily. Languor creates a picture of almost laziness.
Rewriting the sentence using appropriate synonyms results in something such as “The peasant stumbled into his hovel, his shoulders bowed from weariness and cold.” Using the right word or words makes a big difference.
William G. Tapply (“Don’t be a SHOWOFF,” The Writer, November 2005) states to stay away from fancy words. He gives a quote from Mark Twain that underscores the need for using the right word, “The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug.”
Being specific is a must for vivid, strong, and correct writing. Avoiding “cringe” words is also necessary. Words that cause a reader to cringe include those that are repugnant, outdated, painfully inept, old hackneyed and archaic, cloyingly sentimental or weaselly, or misused. According to Arthur Plotnik, in the April 2005 The Writer, some medical terms have become popular, but their use is repugnant to many readers, especially when the medical term is used metaphorically, out of synch with the context of the term. “The gravy oozed like ______ from a _______.” Cringe words don’t belong in business, but in fiction works, such language should come from the mouths of characters or narrators who are themselves cringey.
According to Tapply, “If creative figures of speech risk distracting readers, old hackneyed ones will surely bore them.” Therefore, such wording shouldn’t be a part of anything that needs to appeal and keep the attention of a reader.
Misused words or grammatical errors hurt writing. A business letter with incorrect or misused wording harms a company’s reputation. Such errors weakens all writing. So does the use of outdated, inept, or archaic words.
For example, certain words or word usages make a person or company appear ignorant even if neither is. Intriguing needs to tell with whom, with what, or what is meant. Puzzling, enigmatic, ambiguous followed by “because ...” are better usage. It’s means it is, not its, the possessive pronoun of it. Irregardless isn’t a word, but it is one of those inept useages. Highlight, signpost, and transisiton are not verbs. Verbs impact, finalize, interface, or share do not mean to talk or to discuss. Input and outgo as the opposite should be avoided.
Then between you and I shows poor grammar usage, since the correct form is between you and me. Between is a preposition and requires the object form of any pronoun. All right is always two words. Affect is always a verb; effect is usually a noun.
The list of misused words continues possibly into the hundreds. The following is a very short list of others that should be examined:
Who and whom are often used incorrectly. Who is the subject form of the pronoun while whom is the object form.
They, their, them are plural forms. He or she are singular. Due to politically correctness, many people use he (him, his) or she (her) IF the gender of a person isn’t known. Such usage is awkward. Some writers then use he in places and she in others. Perhaps a better way would be to make the antecedent plural and use they (them, their), such as in the following examples:
Anyone who likes honesty will give his or her honest opinion. Anyone who likes honest will give his honest opinion. People who like honesty will give their honest opinion.
Please note that using anyone with their is incorrect: “Anyone who likes honesty will give their honest opinion” mixes a singular antecedent (anyone) with a plural pronoun (their). A singular antecedent requires a singular pronoun which refers to it.
The verb to lay means to place and requires a direct object. The verb to lie (unless meaning to tell untruth) means to recline and never has a direct object. The forms of lay are lay (present tense), laid (past tense), and laid (past participle). The forms of lie are lie (present), lay (past), and lain (past participle). Yes, lay is found as the present tense of to lay and as the past tense of to lie. One needs to look at how each is used.
A complete course in grammar and composition or a book over the same subject would show more problems and ways of correcting errors. However with work, consideration, and a large dose of common sense, we can learn to write the right word and realize that the correct word does matter.
Sources:
1. William G. Tapply, “Don’t be a SHOWOFF,” The Writer, November 2005.
2. Michael Creurer, “Using the right words,” www.changing.ca/right_w3ords.php
3. Arthur Plotnick, “Clear out the cringe words,” The Writer, April 2005.
4. Constance Hale, “Writing basics: 7 ‘deadly sins’ of grammar,” The Writer, May 2006.
5. “Writing Better: A Handbook for Students,” www.amherst.edu/~writing/writingbetter/pitfalls.html
6. Lesson plans and note from Vivian Zabel
One of my stories which contains fun with words
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Notes and Letters from Readers
I appreciate all feedback, whether the reader agrees or disagrees with what I've written. Please keep those comments coming.
FG - The Power of the Circle 
An excellent newsletter Viv, which certainly made me think about some of the problems I face when writing emotional scenes. I think there'll be less grey areas now in my emotional writing. Thanks!
Thank you. I included your short story in the highlighted items this issue.
darkin
Wonderful newsletter, Viv! Very informative!! Keep writing and I'll keep reading
Darkin
Thanks, Darkin. That sounds like an excellent bargain.
Ruth
Thank you for this practical advice on how to "show" rather than "tell'. This is very useful to me at present as that is what I am trying to improve in my writing.
cheers Peacelilly
Since I research topics that will help me be a better writer, and then I share what I learn, I also learned how to better "show" and not "tell." I'm glad when I can help others, too.
Strange Wulf
Interesting NL. I don't know if I use sentimentality in my writing or not. So far as I know, I focus on the character's reactions, get myself into their head and think how they'd react.
I think I've actually cried a few times when getting into the head of a character with a troubled past. I guess I just relate to those who hurt 'cause I know how it feels.
But that's getting into personal stuff, and I'd rather not go there. =D Please keep up the good work.
Getting into the character's head is a good way to avoid sentimentality and use emotion, as needed to show what it felt rather than skimming the surface.
April Sunday
YO! Viv, this one's a keeper. Gd biblio. Don't forget setting builds feeling.
Setting is another subject that may be covered some other time. I'm glad you believe this was good. Thanks. I also included your story in the highlighted items.
Iva Lilly Durham 
I enjoyed this comprehensive newsletter very much. I would be interested in your view of the difference between 'emotion' and 'sentimentality.' If you have the time...
Good job!
Iva
Emotion is the actual feelings and actions that the feelings cause, the depth of sensations, passion, physiological changes in the body and mind due to feelings. Sentimentality, as I stated in the newsletter, is the surface-only generalities using cliches or sterotype discriptions of emotion. The writer does not allow the reader to "see" or "feel" what the character does, but simply "tells" generally what the character feels.
I'm glad you enjoyed the newsletter.
Until next time, read and write exciting and well-written stories.
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