 Spiritual: August 05, 2020 Issue [#10308] |
This week: Knowing Me and Knowing You Edited by: NaNoKit  
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Do you have any secrets? It's okay! So do I...
This week's Spiritual Newsletter is all about knowing, and being known.
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Do you have any secrets? There are some thoughts, feelings and experiences that I wouldn't like to open up about. I am fortunate in that I don't have any major skeletons in my closet, but there are moments in my past that I am not altogether proud of. I have my share of cringeworthy memories that like to prod me in the middle of the night to remind me that, yes, they happened.
There's stuff that I could probably share now with the people involved, but that felt very important to keep secret way back when. Like the time, when I was a teenager, when I developed a crush on the boy my best friend had a crush on. I didn't mean for it to happen. One day we looked the other in the eyes across a teacher's desk and all these feelings struck me. I never told him, as that would have been wrong. I never told her either, as why hurt her feelings when I wasn't going to act on it? I never sought to have secrets, but they've happened as life unfolded.
Sometimes, the secrets that have happened have not been my own. People have told me of their life, their thoughts, and feelings, and experiences, and asked me not to share these with others. It is nice to be trusted, nice when people feel that they can open up to me. I confess, though, that there are secrets that I would rather not have known, and secrets that are difficult to keep. I have been known to encourage people to open up to others about what has happened to them, and I have pondered whether or not I should pass on the secret myself, but the fact that it's not mine to share tends to stop me.
Being married is an interesting experience. Out of all the people in the world, my husband is the one who knows me best. Which, in my opinion, is how it should be. I have felt comfortable enough to tell him my secrets including those that haunt me at night, and he still loves me. He has told me his secrets and I still love him. I feel free to be myself with him, and I love it. It's liberating. Yet, still, he does not know everything, just as I do not know everything about him. We cannot share our every thought, our every feeling, moment to moment - it would be too much. There is a limit to how much us human beings can know about the other. And I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. Having that bit of privacy is healthy; some things we can take on faith.
If, like me, you believe in a Higher Power, you may also believe that that's the one Power that we will never have any secrets from. If I were to create a Facebook relationship status about my beliefs I'd place it at 'it's complicated', but I do believe in God, and I believe that He knows us, through and through. I am not always certain how I feel about that. My thoughts aren't always as pleasant as I would like them to be. I get irritated with people's actions. I write sarcastic letters in my mind that I would never actually send - they're a way for me to get negative feelings out of my system. Nobody knows about these thoughts and feelings, nor do they have to. God knows, though. At times, I find it difficult to believe that He can know all this about me and still care. There are moments when I don't even like myself very much! That, however, is another thing to take on faith.
It's said that we are our own worst critics, and I think that's true. Most of us are fortunate enough to have people in our lives who we can confide in. People who, even when we feel ashamed, help lift us up and reassure us that we matter. In the same way, we see the good in our friends and our family, even when they want the ground to open up and swallow them. We may not know all there is to know about them, but we know enough. And He knows everything, and will still be by our side.
NaNoKit
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The Spiritual Newsletter Team
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