 Comedy: June 10, 2020 Issue [#10214] |
This week: Community Comedy Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥmas  
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2020 is hitting its half-way point. Our lives have changed suddenly, unexpectedly. In this Newsletter, we will enjoy some community humor that has been passed on to all of us.
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Hello folks! Welcome to the June edition of the Comedy Newsletter.
Do you believe the year from Hades is approaching the half-way mark of being O-V-E-R? I think a majority of us will be happy to goodbye to 2020. But we are here, now, trying to find some semblance of normalcy. Just when it seemed to be within reach as hair salons started opening again and roots, beards and shaggy hair got tended to as soon as possible. Nobody really wants to know what's under all those highlights, low lights and whatever our natural hair color used to be. It's the job of a professional hair stylist to make it go away or blend in better. We found out quickly that next to a mechanic and plumber, who keep our cars and toilets in working order, a hair stylist is the person we missed most of all to help us return to our perceived self-image. My timing is lousy since I cut my own hair one week before hair salons were allowed to open. 
I was feeling unfunny the other day on the Newsfeed, and requested members to send me some one-lines, or funnies that would help bring others some humor. Below you will find some of their contributions. Lifting spirits sometimes takes a village! 
Community Contributions!
Lilith 🎄 Christmas Cheer
“Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.”
~Brian K Compton~ (On a Rolllll! )
“ Do you suppose they replaced the word dump with landfill because it sounded too trashy?”
“If there were a professional Solitaire league I'd finish in first place.”
“If you need people to give you space at work, just have a melt down. It worked for me.”
“I tell you I want to move mountains for you until the moment I'm told it needs to be done.”
quiet web
“Talking to you is like beating my head against a dead horse”
Prosperous Snow celebrating
“Don't just do something, stand there.”
🐕GeminiGem🎁
“Did you hear about the agnostic, dyslexic insomniac?
He was awake all night wondering there really was a dog.”
runoffscribe
“I cried when I wrote this, then I sat back down and fixed it.”
Silverwindrose Dragon Minstrel
OK so this is not so much a one liner as much as a reaction to my 13 year old son causing stress. Grant it he was just trying to show off and one up his friends but it was getting on my nerves that day so as he was getting ready to go chase down his friends I simply said:
"Just because you have one you don't have to be a dick."
There was a pause of silence then I watched as my son fell to the ground with laughter he laughed for a good 2 minutes but I knew when done I had hit a mark that sank home.
DRSmith
“My local restaurant finally opened up and I was gonna give the surely new waitress a nasty look... but she already had one!”
The above members each received a "Newsletters" Merit Badge.  Thank you so much for your responses!
And, not to be a fuddy-duddy ,here are some of my favorite one-liners seen around Social Media and the Interwebs! 
This morning a cop pulled me over for speeding. He told me, "I've been waiting for you all morning!" "I replied I got here as fast as I could!."
He didn't give me a ticket
The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.
If you're not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?
I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
I hope you had a few chuckles, folks. Many thanks to all those who participated in the making of this Newsletter with their puns, one-liners and humorous moments!
It's a One-Line Wrap for this edition of the Comedy Newsletter.
Until next time--laugh hard, laugh often!
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I've given up dieting until after lockdown... I've just made a great brew of pea and ham soup and we are enjoying that' with fresh bread mini loaves.
