 Comedy: February 19, 2020 Issue [#10022] |
This week: Picture This,Framed Again! Rabbits Swim? Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥmas  
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Hello folks! Welcome to another edition of the Comedy Newsletter. I hope you are enjoying your February and finding the romance in the air to be to your liking. Valentines and Cupid are not my favorite part of the month, nope! February is my birthday month, and that’s what rocks this witch’s broom. 
Since February is the shortest month, although we do have an extra day this year due to Leap Year, I try to take full advantage of all the days leading up to my birthday, and live in the afterglow of the days remaining past my birthday. My plan is to save up enough Amazon gift cards from my family to purchase a new digital camera.
Yes, I wore out my old camera after years Many years of trudging through the forests and swampy areas of Florida to take pictures of all things nature. y current camera has a disability resulting from a worn-out part that clips the battery case shut so that they are secure and register when turning the camera on and off. I tried to put some tape over the top of the case, but it made it difficult to change batteries, plus I had to be careful not to over-tape the lid because it got in the way of the macro-lens’ opening. In other words, it was too much of a pain in the butt to continue any serious picture taking expeditions.
There was a small window of photo taking when I pulled a ponytail band from my hair and wrapped it around the battery case. That actually worked well for a while. However, the elasticity started to give-way a bit due to the multiple battery changing needs as well as the memory card grabbing to upload the pictures of that particular expedition. I replaced it with a new elastic band, but it’s just not the same, folks. Too many distractions to really enjoy photography. So, this birthday month I resolved to replace the old one with a new one. Maintaining the status quo is no longer an option. It actually makes me “shutter” to think. 
Back in early November, I ordered a bed and a bed frame. The frame was supposed to arrive a day before the bed, which is perfect because I had some time to get the frame put together before the bed in a box arrived the following day. It didn’t turn out that way, folks.
I had an ongoing correspondence with Amazon when it showed that my bed frame was delivered on the day stated. Yes, it may have been delivered then, but it wasn’t delivered to ME!!! I got a replacement shipment two days later. In the meantime a large box with a mattress inside was sitting in the middle of the living room floor. The holidays came along and I had no more issues about the new bed and frame, until …
After the holidays passed, I got a call from management that a box containing a bed frame was dumped on the lawn of the office when they were closed. I was shocked that the bed frame had been out and about since November and ended up dumped there. Evidently the resident who received the miss-delivered frame decided to keep the sheets that arrived on the same delivery time and ponder what to do with the bed frame. After all, sheets are a great commodity to go along with a bed, right?  However, the frame just didn’t fit into their plans. I guess they figured a night-time dump at the park manager’s office would become his problem and not theirs. The management trying to be helpful sent a couple maintenance guys to deliver the frame to me. Oh, great! Now I’m stuck with a frame in an opened box and the bothersome task of alerting Amazon about it. I wanted nothing more to do with the traveling, hidden, opened and battered bed frame. That’s right, folks – I had been framed again!
I certainly didn’t want to drag it to UPS for it to be returned. Amazon’s customer service chat was very helpful. They said they would contact UPS with a pick-up receipt for damaged goods. I thanked him and told him I will leave it out by the door steps and the UPS guy can grab it whenever the show up. I had my fill of it mocking me and reminding me that the sheets were still missing. Which makes me believe the wrong resident kept them but didn’t feel comfortable enough to keep the frame. Also, they would have to store it in a closet or shed and out of sight. I guess they needed the room and wanted the opened box off their property.
I’m thrilled to say that our UPS delivery guy came with receipt in hand for pick-up at the same time delivering something I ordered. The broken box with duct tape struggling to keep the insides in, in all its standing ugliness, was removed within 48 hours. I can finally put the whole bed frame debacle to bed.
It was a sight to behold!
Yes, folks, I must admit, I never knew rabbits could swim! However, while paddling around in the pool the other day, I saw a sight I shall never forget!
It was the day of the week that our lawn maintenance guys were mowing, clipping, trimming and blowing away! The mowers are loud enough, but the blowers are top gear on the noise level. One of the workers was beyond the fence on the lake-side of the swimming pool near the shrubbery, cleaning up the debris caught within the fence posts. I happened to look up toward the bushes at that very moment a rabbit bolted out from behind one and ran like an athlete all around the wall of the clubhouse while trying to escape the frightening noise maker. It seemed disturbed, that there was only a pool and walls, and no visible safety spot from what frightened it. As it got closer the entrance nearer to the six foot part of the pool, I called out to it, "Don't you dare jump on my towel!" Poor thing didn't know which way to turn to escape the blower-noise and veiled threats upon its person should it jump on my pool towel. 
The next thing it did was unexpected. I thought it would be repelled by the chlorine scented water and just stick to a "land-path" to get away. But, Noooooooooo! This Olympic-ready rabbit ran toward the edge of the pool wall and jumped in. It started to paddle those legs at a pretty good speed. Tried to exit halfway down via pool wall, but didn't get a good lift-hold. It decided to finish the water-course all the way to the other end of the pool. It threw its forelegs up on the wall and did a quick jump leaping out of the pool, through the bushes and through the space between the fence rails, kept heading toward the lake. I do not know if it attempted to swim across the lake at that point as it was out of sight. That was my first experience with a biathlon rabbit! This time it's "Fur" real!
Th-th-th ... That's allllllllll, folks! 
Until next time—laugh hard, laugh often!
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Elfycia Lee ☮ 
8 Screws to an Upgrade! O Brave Soul Thou Web Witch, thee would never attempt such courageous adventure in this lifetime. One would assign a minion to do all tasks impossible. There are too much screw-ups in life to deal with. No time to bother with real-life screws. Well done, Courageous One.
That's true! Why did I attempt this? I guess I've got a screw loose!
ForeverDreamer 
Technomancy at its best!
Love it!!!
I do believe there was some magical something going on there between witch and laptop!
Thank you, folks!
See you next month!
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