Hello, ruwth!


INITIAL IMPRESSION / OVERVIEW:

I enjoyed reading your "Be Thankful..." senryu poem every time I read it, including today.

Your writing kept me riveted and I read straight through to the end every time.



MORE DETAILED FEEDBACK:

Happy Writing.Com Anniversary month! I read this "Be Thankful..." senryu poem of yours multiple times in the past, when you submitted it for the Thankful Poetry Contest, and quite a few times during judging, and enjoyed it, but didn't have time to review it on those occasions, so I flagged it for an anniversary review (meaning I saved the link to it in a special "January" file. ). I hope you enjoy this review as a celebration of your time here and find the review uplifting and encouraging.

I could totally relate to this "Be Thankful..." senryu poem of yours. The Bible verse you based it on is one that is near and dear to my heart. Everything good, including our very lives, is indeed a gift from the Lord God Almighty. It is to Him

I suspect that most people who believe in God could relate to this poem of yours.

My favorite line was: "All things—life and godliness." I liked that you incorporated scripture into your poem.

I thought you did a great job with writing to the spirit of the Thankful Poetry Challenge, giving an uplifting and relatable poem. I liked that you kept the traditional 5-7-5 syllable count too. Congratulations on your honorable mention win in the contest this year!

I didn't notice any spelling or grammatical mistakes (or mistakes of any kind) in your "As the Day Unfolds" poem. Though, to be honest, I don't really know the grammar rule about whether there should be a space between the hyphen that you have between "things" and "life." It feels like there should be one before and after the hyphen, but for all I know, you have it right. So I can't judge correctness or wrongness there.

I thought the experience, biographical, and spiritual genres you selected were appropriate for this "Be Thankful..." senryu poem (and overall folder) of yours.



IDEAS TO MAKE YOUR PIECE STRONGER:

In the spirit of helpfulness, and because of the requirements of a new review challenge I joined today, I have a couple little suggestions to make your piece stronger. If you're interested in some constructive criticism, read on. But if you aren't, no worries. Just know that I enjoyed your piece and move on to the next section.

Still reading? You're brave! Yay for you!

It's always nice, especially for potential readers not familiar with the form, to either explain it or include a link that explains it. Most people probably don't know what a senryu poem is (in case anyone reads this and doesn't know, it is a non-nature / human interest kind of poem in the haiku format... so, like a haiku, but not about the traditional nature topics of a haiku poem), so that makes it extra nice if you included that. That was not a factor in my judging, in case you wondered. Just something for your future potential readers.

I think it'd be really nice to include the scripture reference, and even better, to include the full verse in your grayed out notes section at the bottom. Sure, it might be longer than the poem, but you have wisely made it a smaller font, in addition to making it gray instead of black, so I think folks would understand that. And maybe it would inspire more people to read the verse than had before. Just in case anyone reading this needs the information, here it is: 2 Peter 1:3-4a (King James Version)
"According as his divine power hath given unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue: Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises:" PS: I know it's grammatically incorrect to end that sentence with a colon, but I don't believe in altering Scripture, even for punctuation.

As with any review, please take what serves you and release or ignore what doesn't.


CONCLUSION:

I enjoyed reading your "Be Thankful..." senryu poem, and related to your sentiments and thoughts that you expressed in it.

Thank you for sharing your time, creativity, heart, experiences, and writing with the Writing.Com community!

Thank you for entering my contest! I hope you'll enter again next year, should the Lord bless me with being able to run it again.

Once again, happy anniversary month! I hope the year ahead is filled with blessings and joy for you!

May healing, love, joy and peace be yours in abundance during this New Year, your anniversary month, and always!

PWheeler










Positive Hearts
A Review from: "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" 





The B.E.A.R. Fund




THANKFUL POETRY




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .