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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4776315
Review #4776315
Viewing a review of:
 The Renfaire  Open in new Window. [E]
Ali feels out of place in a festival like this, until she sees a jaw dropping performance
by hihohyena Author Icon
Review of The Renfaire  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

What an interesting and engaging vignette. I call it that because there isn’t any particular plot or development to speak of as we might expect in a full length story. It captures a moment with the clarity of a photo and shares the excitement of what’s taking place with us in vivid and appealing terms.

I have to admit I was truly terrified reading about the jester handstanding on a ball while holding a torch! It’s the kind of thing that could so easily turn horrifying, and I’ve read a few unhappy stories here about fire and clowns. I was relieved to watch the jester make their safe final flip, and felt like clapping and cheering along with everyone else. This level of engagement is a great sign for your writing skills, though I’m an easily impressed softie generally.

Ali seems like a quiet and sympathetic character who would make an interesting lead in a story of more depth. I noticed you used the word “something” twice in the fourth paragraph. I find it nifty you’ve chosen the gender neutral for the jester, leaving us to decide or not. Also, Size 4 Verdana font is preferred around here for a more open and easier reading experience. You can adjust the formatting by selecting your text and clicking on the various buttons lining the top of the text entry box.

A word count is highly recommended, so we know what we’re getting into and also to allow you to participate in contests around the site. I would also recommend adding a third relevant genre to the item to help it qualify for as many Quill Award nominations as possible (any questions about our annual Quill Awards, check out the portfolio of Lilli 🧿 ☕ Author Icon!) You could choose “Drama,” “Community,” or even “Thriller/Suspense.”

Aside from these minor things, I found this to be quite an enjoyable little flash fiction.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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