*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4770978
Review #4770978
Viewing a review of:
 Loss  [13+]
Freestyle Poem/Story
by Spectre9six
Review of Loss  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Dear Spectre9six ,

This is a powerful, dark poetry offering that I've discovered on the 'read and review' pages. The striking expressions would resonate with many readers who have suffered through harrowing moments similar to this.

The instant agony is felt with 'why can't I hear myself scream inside' which is lacking in the interrogatory question mark, which if not applied, says more about the writer expressing, as if it is a given, practically not a question but a statement. But a question would make it more accurate, because I feel this pondering and wonderment. However, emotion steers a poem that by end is asking "God" to take the reins. Which could be more expression rather than a religious reference. Though, in weak times, this is where we turn...something of strength to brace us, and through some spirituality, heal.

One of the best expressions i find is "I fight it like an antibody attacking bacteria. There is profound irony with the contrast like juxtaposition this takes on. The speaker then goes on to say I'm lost, I'm broken and repeats the opening line. Right there, I felt the arms of "I give up" go in the air. The repetition of the expression offered more depth and power and had a moment right there. It's a great poetic device and offered at just the right moment in the poem.

if I were to offer suggestions, I've noted a comma misplacement and some lack of punctuation that is more of a choice, but between line breaks and punctuation, those important moments could speak even louder. Wasn't sure to make of the capitalization of "Reins" and how it either might personify or add more power to the word. My preference would be for the lower case.

It was a short and emotional poem that spoke loudly. I'm happy to have discovered and offered my reaction. Happy to have been able to find this moment with poem to comment.

Brian
WDC Angel Army
and Newbie Reviewer
Non-Animated Angel Army Signature

*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 08/24/2024 @ 12:50am EDT
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4770978