Ok here you go...

Pacing and Structure: For me, the pacing is a little languid. Though the basic setup is clear, this story lingers too long, for example, on descriptions of physical characteristics and on the back and forth between Alyssa and Yuri. Trimming these sections will both quicken the pace and better keep the reader’s attention.

Dialogue and Internal Monologue: A number of the dialogue and internal musings sound stilted or overly dramatic, especially in reactions between Alyssa and the Russian, Yuri.
Phrases such as ‘His accent was distinct and heavy. His voice was slow and deliberate, yet seductive’ strike me as trying just a little too hard, and would probably have more impact if dialed back. Likewise with the internal monologues – some of the repetitions could be trimmed away to focus more on the action.

Characterization: While both Alyssa and Yuri are interesting characters, I would love to see them better fleshed out. There are hints of their back stories but more insight into who they are and where they come from, what motivates or terrifies them, would make it easier to empathize with them and their struggles.

For example, how Alyssa got to be the US champion would be interesting to learn.


Conflict and Stakes: There’s potential conflict here: between East and West, and between Alyssa and Yuri. However, neither of those potentially interesting conflicts is given substance. What are the stakes here? Making the relationship harder by forcing your characters to overcome more obstacles – or to pay a greater price for a relationship – can ramp up the drama and help keep the reader on the hook.

Show, Don’t Tell: The story dips into telling a little too much. ‘Show, don’t tell’ can be tricky, but here’s an example. Don’t tell us how Alyssa feels about Yuri’s presence with words. Show how she feels through her actions, reactions or shifts in her body language. The story would be more gripping and real for the reader.

Original: Toe loop jump, footwork, a double axel, a lutz. He was fast.
She increased her pace to keep up with him.
He nodded at her.
She followed his lead – another double axel – off the mark, she fell.
He skated right over and knelt next to her. His eyes full of concern.


Suggested: Yuri sprang into a toe loop. His muscles coiled like springs as he spun gracefully through the air, landing with a sharp precision that sent a whispering sound across the ice. His feet then moved with lightning speed, slicing intricate patterns in the ice as he executed flawless footwork. With barely a pause, he propelled himself into a double axel, his form a perfect arc in the air before descending with a crisp, clean landing. Not missing a beat, he powered into a lutz, his takeoff strong and confident, carving a deep edge into the ice as he soared. His movements were swift and fluid, each transition seamless.

Alyssa, determined not to fall behind, quickened her pace. She mirrored his motion, but her timing was slightly off. Her balance wavered as she launched into the jump, and she came down hard on the ice and fell.

Yuri was by her side in an instant. He skated over fluidly, dropping to one knee beside her. His eyes, usually so focused and intense, were now soft with concern, scanning her face for any sign of pain. He extended a hand, his touch gentle yet firm, silently asking if she was okay.

*** This description emphasizes the fluidity, power, and precision of the movements while also capturing the competitive yet respectful dynamic between the two skaters. ***


Conlusion: "The Cutting Edge" has the potential to be an engaging romantic drama set against the exciting backdrop of the Olympics. With some adjustments to pacing, character development, and conflict, the story can be even more captivating. By focusing on showing rather than telling and tightening the narrative, the story can better draw readers into Alyssa and Yuri's world, making their journey more compelling and emotionally resonant.

Hope this helps. Happy writing!




Toe loop jump, footwork, a double axel, a lutz. He was fast.
She increased her pace to keep up with him. He nodded at her. She followed his lead – another double axel – off the mark, she fell.
He skated right over and knelt next to her. His eyes full of concern.