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Review #4769084
Viewing a review of:
 Episode 5 - "Peering into the Past"  [E]
Continuation of story " A box changed my life" written by Rhythm Garg
by Ryyth
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

Whee! What a wild story. I sympathize with Ryuk for saying it sounds like a novel. How could he listen without his head going *Mindblown*...

Now I'm intensely curious, as it appears you have set up an epic fantasy which could go on for many, many chapters. There is so much to be done here and so many threads to weave together: what is Ryuk's backstory? How did he know to call Rin Catherine without her full name ever having been mentioned? Didn't she realize this herself at the moment? Or was that a mistake? Who is the mysterious figure who was listening? Is it an enemy, a friend, something else? Where is Bob? Does any of this connect to anything else in Ryuk's life, such as the constant rain and the friends who were bullies?

And I should tell you something about point of view. Maybe if this is going to be an epic fantasy of several volumes like Harry Potter or something, it doesn't matter so much, but around here and on a smaller scale we like to emphasize using just one point of view, focusing on on the experience as seen by one main character only. Meaning if Ryuk didn't turn around and see the mystery figure in the tree himself, then we didn't see it either, you know? This is called the third person limited point of view... You can read a few articles from my friend Max Griffin 🏳️‍🌈 on the subject of using this perspective properly. It has the benefits of rooting us firmly in time and place without feeling like we're getting a "50,000 foot" view as told by an all-seeing narrator. We get the ground level view of what's happening as if we are the main character, without it having to be in the first person.

I'm really enjoying the story so far, and the twists and turns and exciting backstory of Catherine which you've put together promises us a fantastic journey through a world of magic and high stakes adventures.

Let me know when you add more to it, and I'll be happy to share my thoughts. I hope I've been of some help to you so far; I'm not the greatest reviewer on here, but I share what I've learned from others.

Take care, thanks for sharing and by all means, keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*

*Gemv* *Angel*


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   *CheckG* You last responded to this review 08/12/2024 @ 1:03pm EDT
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