*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4767230
Review #4767230
Viewing a review of:
 the perils of magic  [13+]
he looked odd, but a job is a job
by Rhyssa
Review by Pol-TIGGY-st
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*




*PenB* First Impressions:

This isn’t a new story, so in case you are wondering, it was the title and description that made me click on it. Both really worked to make me curious what this story would be about. First, the readers find out why ‘he looked odd’, and your descriptions were excellent to explain why the narrator thinks that. We also get to know him a little in those opening paragraphs, not just the colour of his hair but his personality. I liked the way he responds to her lie, and I immediately liked him.

The narrator also comes across very well. Okay, she is caught staring (who wouldn’t?) and lies about it, but she needs a job, and this was when the readers find out what the second statement in the description means. It isn't an ordinary job, but it doesn't require any special qualifications and for the most part, she seems to be happy with it. It is only at the end, when the title becomes clear, that she realises she should have taken notice when he casually mentioned that he ‘lost’ his previous assistant.


*PenG* Suggestions:

I didn’t notice any errors and I don’t have any suggestions, so I’m going to use this section to point out a line that I thought was particularly well done:

He had a deep voice that sang through the bus station making everyone who heard it look at him, wondering if that man and that voice could possibly go together.

I loved the way you described this and I could imagine both his voice and people’s reaction to it in comparison to the way he looked.


*PenP* Final Thoughts:

You ended the story at a crucial point and I wanted to know what happened next. Since he sent her home, it didn’t seem like he was willing (or able) to fix the issue. Trouble was that before, he merely ‘lost’ his assistant, whereas now, both of them suffered the consequences of the mishap. I couldn’t blame her for her reaction at the end - it didn’t resolve the problem but I’m sure it was very satisfying!




** Image ID #2154080 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 08/01/2024 @ 6:40pm EDT
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4767230