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Review #4767020
Viewing a review of:
 Three Tokens  [13+]
Entry for Boy Have I Got A Story For You!-March 2013.
by April Desiree-I'm back!
Review of Three Tokens  
Review by Pol-TIGGY-st
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*




*PenB* First Impressions:

I think I remember the “Boy Have I Got A Story For You!” contest. And what a story this was! I have written about this character in many forms myself and I find him fascinating, and when he appeared about a third of the way through the story, I couldn’t wait to find out how you would deal with him. I wasn’t disappointed. I loved how you described him and the tasks he set for Asma, and that last paragraph was very fitting.

And he wasn’t even the main character. Asma was also very well drawn. I was going to point out the apparent discrepancy between the first lines of the first and second paragraph - she was almost spotted by the guard, but then didn’t need to worry because she was invisible. This only made sense as I read on and I thought it was well done. She was very interesting. I made the mistake to judge her by human standards at first and thought it was odd that she would give up the man she loved for immortality, but then remembered who she was and realised she would probably not have the same emotions. And again, I was wrong, as she came through at the end and made the right choice.


*PenG* Suggestions:

The story was very well written and I only noticed one tiny errors:

A tear slowly escaped from the corner of her eye as the thought about
“as she thought”

And I wasn’t sure about this sentence:
Her usual meeting spot was always deserted of people
I think “deserted” is enough. You don’t need to say “of people” as that’s implied.


*PenP* Final Thoughts:

There were some great descriptions, for example this line: The cool sun shone on her face almost pitifully, as if it knew. It showed both the scene and her state of mind very well.

I have to admit, I wasn’t sure about the historical background as it didn’t seem important to the tale after the beginning. It might have been more relevant had she tried to buy the safety of the city for the three tasks, rather than her own immortality. I still enjoyed the story very much though and I thought this was a great read.




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