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Review #4763092
Viewing a review of:
 The geocache Open in new Window. [13+]
Two hikers stumble on a geocache site. They find something very dark and unexpected.
by K. Ray Author Icon
Review of The geocache  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi K. Ray

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeB*



The top line made me think this was non-fiction, but it's not marked as such. So I'll read this as if it were fiction.

In the third paragraph, the second sentence is a run-on. It's a good sentence that gives the reader insight about the MC, but not having all the words strung together would be easier to read. That same paragraph presents a huge block of text in comparison to the rest of the story.

The secondary character had a name I really liked. 'Cayce'. Now, if only the MC had a more defining name other than 'John'.

Active writing submerges the reader in the experience. It was love at first read when I learned more about John, as I am also a collector of rocks. There are none where I live now, but I have quite the collection gathered in NYS and PA.

I laughed at this sentence, thinking it showed more about John, but then wondered how the roar could be rejuvenating. Did it thrill him?
occasional roar of a mountain cat - a rejuvenating experience.

In addition to including the information of the spot being on a map, I suggest adding something about GPS coordinates, so a reader unfamiliar with this adventure will understand the meaning of a geocache. Also, in the title, the G should be capitalized.

I appreciated the correct use of (farther), that indicates distance. (Further) is for everything else, mostly the passage of time.

A few paragraphs later, I found this.
I didn't feel like arguing, and it was only a little further > farther.

we could never just "go hiking."
Suggest, 'go hiking'. because those words are not spoken.

In the conclusion, I agree with your statement in the beginning. Disturbing as the find was, it works to propel the story to the next entry.

Thanks for sharing this illuminating and adventurous story.

Respectfully,
~Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.



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