Hello, Carnation Blank!


INITIAL IMPRESSION / OVERVIEW:

What a lovely "reminds me of home" kind of poem.

Your writing kept me riveted and I read straight through to the end.



MORE DETAILED FEEDBACK:

I hope you enjoy this review as a celebration of your time here and find the review uplifting and that it encourages you to come back to Writing.Com.

You engaged my senses and emotions as I read this environment / experience poem of yours. I could see the soft, gray mist and feel the slight breeze.

I wondered if you were from Pennsylvania and living further south or if you are from further north and thought Pennsylvania was part of the south?

I wondered if this was some kind of form poem or if it was free verse with rhyming.

I loved the ending. It tied things together nicely.

I think my favorite line was "Misty air like down." I liked the mental picture it gave.

I thought the environment and experience genres you selected were perfect for this environment / experience poem of yours.


IDEAS TO MAKE YOUR PIECE STRONGER:
In the spirit of helpfulness (and because of the rules of a review challenge I'm in), I have a suggestion to make your piece stronger.


The first thing I can think of, and I'm not sure that it's needed, but it would make the poem feel more cohesive, is to be consistent with punctuation. Either use it throughout your poem or not at all. When I came across the comma after "settling," it was jarring to be because there hadn't been any punctuation previously. Then the rest of the poem is punctuated. I'd just pick one way and stick with it.

Is along the same lines, but with capitalization. All of your first lines were capitalized except "refreshing," which would be fine if it was the only thing meriting not being capitalized, but if that is going to be in lower case, then the next line seems like it ought to be lower case as well.

Neither of these take away from your poem being lovely. But if you chose to fix them, I think it would make the experience of reading your poem smoother for future readers.


CONCLUSION:
I greatly enjoyed reading your "reminds me of home" style poem.

Thank you for sharing your time, creativity, heart, spirit, and writing with the Writing.Com community!


May love, joy and peace be yours in abundance!
PWheeler






Positive Hearts
A Review from: "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" 




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .