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 Review #4757605 |
 | The End of The Beginning  [18+] An alcoholic remembers Christmas, and the beginning of his last drink.  |
| (4.5)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: That was a surprisingly serious story in the end. At the beginning, it seemed quite lighthearted. The narrator detailed how he was having fun, getting drunk, not caring that his wife left him, sleeping around. He was more concerned about his suits than his marriage, but curiously, he found time for some social commentary as well, like when he mentioned the Christmas lights in the city and remarked that One day of powering all those lights, could probably have funded all the homeless shelters, and soup kitchens for a year. I couldn’t quite figure him out at first. He wasn’t a nice person, but there was something about him that made him not entirely unlikeable. Then his life changed, and he actually became a nicer guy when he fell in love. He worshipped her, wanted to marry her, and bought her an expensive ring. Of course it all changed again then, and this was when the story became more dramatic. The “What if” part was quite powerful. It’s a question most people probably ask themselves at some point in their lives, only often when the different scenarios are not quite so life changing. Despite the fact that he started out not being very nice, he had changed, and I felt for him.  Suggestions: I noticed a few small errors: Only this time it ended slightly different. “differently”? physically fit, What's not to love? Either turn the comma into a period, or continue the sentence after the comma with a lowercase letter in “what’s”. I would suggest the first option. I should be great full for that “grateful”  Final Thoughts: It was clear early on that he wouldn’t have a happy ending; I only hadn’t expected it to be quite so tragic. You did a good job making the readers feel for your main character despite the fact that he wasn’t a nice person, simply by giving him that redeeming feature, his love for her. Those last few lines were perhaps a little too dramatic as the readers already knew that the accident had ruined his life, but that might be personal preference. A good story!    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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