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Review #4756967
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On the prowl... Open in new Window. [E]
Billy and his friends go fishing for a lion... For the Writer's Cramp 8/7
by Roari ∞ Author Icon
Review of On the prowl...  Open in new Window.
Review by Tiggy Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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*PenB* First Impressions:

You have a beautiful portfolio. I first had a look at "My Writing Den" Open in new Window. and I liked the way you described your writing process. Your stories sound interesting, but most seem to be longer so I went for one you didn’t specifically mention. It was the description that made me want to read it. Fishing for a lion, that sounded like a great plan; a plan that only a bunch of kids could come up with. You didn’t specifically say how old they were but as they were playing Fortnite, and from the way they talked and behaved, I imagined them to be young teenagers.

So they wanted to be heroes and catch Prince Hairy (great name for a lion, by the way!) and the way they tried to attract his attention was great, but then the plan became a bit more sketchy and the tagline made sense. Fortunately, Billy’s mother had figured out what they were going to do and sent the park ranger to rescue them. They boys were sensible enough to acknowledge that she was the real hero, albeit not to her face!


*PenG* Suggestions:

The story was well written, and I only notice one small error:

Suddenly they felt a swaying in the tree, heard a shot, a saw a lion fall past them to the ground.
I think that was meant to say, “and saw a lion…”


*PenP* Final Thoughts:

I’m curious what the prompt was for this story. Maybe it’s just me, but I would always suggest including it either at the beginning or the end of the story so the readers know what inspired it. It’s just that I find it interesting to see, especially if it’s an unusual story, like this one.

I enjoyed this tale. It was original and very creative, and I could imagine that the friends got into quite a lot of mischief on a daily basis because the mother immediately knew what they were planning to do when she found the steak missing, so she clearly had experience with this kind of thing! They didn’t come across like a bunch of troublemakers though, merely curious and enthusiastic in their pursuits. A good story!




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