\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4756011
Review #4756011
Viewing a review of:
 early in the year Open in new Window. [E]
for Redwheelbarow spring challenge
by Pumpkin Spice Sox Author Icon
Review of early in the year  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
A Review for “early in the year,” an entry in The Red Wheelbarrow Poetry Contest

Thank You for your entry!


Dear Pumpkin Spice Sox Author Icon

You get the award for brevity with this one. Your poem "early in the year" Open in new Window. captures the tentative awakening of nature with a succinct and evocative style. The free verse form allows the imagery to flow naturally, painting a vivid picture of the transitional period between winter and spring.

The theme of emergence and renewal is effectively portrayed through your choice of details, such as "roses sprouting new leaves" and "irises peaking through the dirt." These images evoke a sense of life pushing through the remnants of winter, hinting at the arrival of spring without directly mentioning it.

Your use of sensory details, like "the sun shines down earlier and later" and "birds building nests with amorous intentions," enhances the reader's experience, making the scenes feel immediate and tangible. The line "rain washes the last snow away" is particularly effective in symbolizing the cleansing and renewal that spring brings.

Some suggestions. You descrive early and late and thought it would be fun to see time elapse in this short piece, from sun up to sun down. Just an idea.

You can shorten lines like this:
roses sprouting new leaves for late frosts to kill
to
roses sprout new leaves late frost kills (singular noun with plural, active verb seemed right)

how about:
irises peaking through the dirt rising for the early bees
to
irises peek through dirt, rising for early bees (the comma helps a reader who might think dirt is on the rise)

Maybe, good? But, it might become too dense and don't want a tongue twister. And I don't want to tamper with your poem's voice. That should come natural as you develop your poetry with your unique language.

To further improve the poem, consider expanding on some of the imagery to add depth and richness. For instance, you could describe the specific colors of the new leaves or the sounds of the birds' activities. This would enhance the sensory impact and draw readers even more deeply into the scene.

It was fun having your poem to consider for the contest. Thank you for entering. It's always been a pleasure.

Sincerely,

Brian
RWB Judge
WDC Angel Army Reviewer
Non-Animated Angel Army Signature



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 06/09/2024 @ 2:26pm EDT
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4756011