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Review #4748513
Viewing a review of:
 Out of The Water Open in new Window. [13+]
Two teens, a boat, and something in the water. Written for Chapter One Contest
by tj-Merry Mischief Maker Author Icon
Review of Out of The Water  Open in new Window.
Review by Jayngle Bells Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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This is a "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window. review!



Hello, tj-Merry Mischief Maker!

*Checkb*Overall Impression:
The story’s engaging plot, well-developed characters, and surprising twist provide a strong narrative that keeps the reader invested.

*Checkb*Title and Description:
The title reflects the central elements of the narrative, suggesting both the literal and metaphorical emergence from a mysterious circumstance. The description, though brief, sets up an expectation for a simple tale that takes an unexpected turn, hinting at the deeper, hidden layers of the plot.

*Checkb*Hook and plot:
This plunges readers into a thrilling and suspenseful adventure, mixing friendship, mystery, and supernatural elements. The story's premise is captivating, drawing the reader into the unfolding drama. The pacing is solid, as is the emotional depth.

You've balanced the normalcy of a day on the lake with the extraordinary, maintaining tension and mystery throughout. The unexpected twist towards the end amplifies the story's impact, leaving a memorable impression.

*Checkb*Characters and dialogue:
These are relatable teenagers with a believable friendship, which is good since it serves as the story's emotional core. Their interactions are natural, and the dialogue reflects two distinct personalities. However, some of the intense scenes in later dialogues could benefit from more varied expressions of panic and disbelief.

*Checkb*Grammar and Mechanics:
The writing is clear and supports the story's pace. However, minor grammatical errors and occasional awkward phrasing can be refined with a revision and some grammar software.

*Checkb*Final Thoughts:
It's an impactful and memorable story. The story's conclusion is shocking and intriguing, promising more depth should the narrative continue. Overall, it's a well-crafted tale that stands out for its creativity and emotional resonance.

Thank you for sharing your work with us!

Jayngle Bells Author Icon*Smile*



My approach to reviews: "I'll Explain, but not Disclaim" Open in new Window.



The views and opinions in this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and, therefore, do not necessarily reflect the group, activity, and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 06/06/2024 @ 11:58pm EDT
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