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Review #4748308
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Scrivenings of the King-Beyond-The-Wall Open in new Window. [18+]
My Game of Thrones 2024 Workbook
by Jeff Author Icon
         Review for entry/chapter: "Tedious Citadel Task #20Open in new Window.
Review by JayNaNoOhNo Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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This is a "Game of ThronesOpen in new Window. review!



Hello, Jeff!

*Checkb*Overall Impression:
The LAPD's Supernatural Cases Section immediately captivates the reader with its fresh take on policing in a world where supernatural powers are a reality. The blend of police procedural elements with superhero tropes creates an engaging setting, and Nix's characterization is fantastic. As a side commentary, this is your second story today that I'm jealous I didn't think of.

*Checkb*Title and Description:
Again, I'm a fan of titles. I understand why it's like this right now, but please change it once the competition is finished so more readers are intrigued enough to read it. I wish there were a space for individual descriptions in mixed-use books. It will help readers decide if they want to read without having to open everything.

*Checkb*Hook and plot:
The confrontation with the superhuman stowaway provides immediate excitement and stakes, hooking the reader. This part effectively sets up an intriguing universe with its own set of rules and challenges.

Once we hit the confrontation inside the bank, readers begin to understand the chaos of dealing with superhuman criminals. You very effectively highlight the physical capabilities of the characters and their strategic thinking, making for a compelling read.

As the reader heads into the third act, you ramp up the action, delivering a chaotic chase that vividly captures the capabilities and challenges faced by Sergeant Nix. The portrayal of superhuman abilities within a high-stakes urban environment keeps the pace exhilarating, enhancing the reader’s engagement as they grow to understand her strengths and limitations in the field.

*Checkb*Characters and dialogue:
Sergeant Nix is portrayed as capable and no-nonsense, qualities that are well communicated through her actions and dialogue. The interactions between Nix and the other officers highlight her authority and expertise, particularly in dealing with supernatural threats.

The dialogue is snappy and serves the dual purpose of advancing the plot and fleshing out the mechanics of how "Supers" are integrated into the police force.

Grappling with her limitations provided a much-needed rounding out of the character, and it was great to see it handled so well. The dialogue during the chase blends humor and tension, underscoring the personalities of Nix and her masked adversary, who adds a playful yet formidable foil to Nix's more grounded character.

*Checkb*Grammar and Mechanics:
The descriptions are vivid, and the action sequences are detailed, helping to paint a lively picture of the scenes. There is nothing in the mechanics of the writing to distract from the story.

Your word choices and clear and concise language support the necessary fast-paced storytelling of the world you've created. This is particularly evident in the clarity during the action sequences, where action-driven language makes the scene more dynamic for the reader without causing confusion as to what is happening.

*Checkb*Final Thoughts:
The story skillfully balances action with character development, leaving the reader anticipating future encounters and the evolution of Nix's abilities. You've managed to provide a complete, standalone story, yet the ending suggests a continuation of this cat-and-mouse game, providing a satisfying setup for potential subsequent installments.

Thank you for sharing your work with us!

JayNaNoOhNo Author Icon*Smile*



My approach to reviews: "I'll Explain, but not DisclaimOpen in new Window.



The views and opinions in this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and, therefore, do not necessarily reflect the group, activity, and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 04/26/2024 @ 11:26pm EDT
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