\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4745457
Review #4745457
Viewing a review of:
 
Image Protector
Field Trip to Earth Open in new Window. [E]
Pam is on a class trip to the planet Earth. Read about what her first day is like.
by Maryann Author Icon
Review by . . . Jeremy Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Free Folk  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)


Hello Maryann

You are receiving this review of "Field Trip to EarthOpen in new Window. in connection with "Game of ThronesOpen in new Window..

*Gem* Areas of Strength

*Bullet* The story demonstrates a strong ability to create a vivid and detailed alien perspective of Earth. For instance, Pam's description of humans learning to walk provides a unique insight into human behavior from an outsider's point of view. This imaginative worldbuilding not only adds depth to the narrative but also engages the reader in a new and intriguing way.

*Bullet* The letter format of the story adds a personal and relatable touch, making the narrative more engaging. Pam's excitement and enthusiasm about her experiences on Earth are palpable, drawing the reader into her world. Additionally, the use of humor, such as when the characters struggle with human customs like walking and eating ice cream, adds a light-hearted and entertaining element to the story.

*Bullet* The interactions between the characters, particularly Pam and her classmates, are portrayed in a realistic and engaging manner. Each character's personality is distinct, and their reactions to new experiences on Earth are relatable. For example, the scene where they try to catch each other's shadows demonstrates both their curiosity and their playful nature, enhancing the reader's connection to the characters.

*Bullet* The story is rich in detail and description, painting a vivid picture of the alien perspective of Earth. For example, Pam's description of the sun as "bright and large" and the sensation of feeling its warmth adds depth to the setting. Similarly, her description of the desert landscape and the creatures she encounters, like the rabbit, creates a clear image in the reader's mind.

*Bullet* One of the story's strengths is its unique perspective on familiar experiences. By presenting everyday human activities, such as walking and eating ice cream, through the eyes of an alien, the story offers a fresh and intriguing take on these mundane activities, making them seem new and exciting.


*Gem* Areas for Improvement

*Bullet* While the characters are engaging, there is room for further development to deepen their personalities and relationships. For example, in the scene where the characters struggle to walk, more insight into their individual reactions and thoughts could enhance the reader's connection to them. To improve this, the author could add internal monologues or dialogues that reveal the characters' personalities, fears, or motivations. This would add depth to the characters and make them more relatable to the reader.

*Bullet* The story's pacing could be improved by balancing the moments of excitement and discovery with slower, more reflective moments. For example, after the characters' initial excitement at experiencing Earth for the first time, the story could slow down to allow for moments of introspection or dialogue that deepen their understanding of the planet and its inhabitants. This would create a more dynamic narrative that keeps the reader engaged throughout. One way to achieve this is by varying the length and intensity of the scenes, allowing for moments of both action and reflection.

*Bullet* While the story is engaging, it could benefit from a more defined conflict and resolution to create a stronger narrative arc. For example, introducing a conflict or obstacle that the characters must overcome during their time on Earth, and resolving it in a satisfying way, would add depth to the story. This could be achieved by introducing a human character or group that misunderstands or mistrusts the aliens, leading to a conflict that must be resolved through communication and understanding. This would create a more compelling narrative that keeps the reader invested in the characters' journey.

*Bullet* While the dialogue between the characters is engaging, it could be further improved by adding more nuance and subtext. For example, in the scene where the characters eat ice cream, the dialogue could reveal more about their personalities and relationships through subtle cues and gestures. To improve this, the author could add gestures, expressions, or pauses in the dialogue that convey the characters' emotions and thoughts. This would add depth to the dialogue and make it more realistic and engaging for the reader.



*Gem* Overall Impression

The story presents an imaginative and humorous account of a school trip from Saturn to Earth, offering a unique perspective on human behavior. Pam, the protagonist, narrates her experiences in a transmission to her cousin Carla, describing their landing in the Mojave Desert, their transformation into human forms, and their comical attempts to walk like humans. The story's strength lies in its creative concept and the humor derived from the aliens' struggles with everyday human activities, such as walking and eating ice cream.

The narrative could benefit from further character development to deepen the personalities and relationships of the alien students. Additionally, enhancing the pacing by balancing moments of excitement with slower, more reflective scenes could improve the overall flow of the story.

Despite these areas for improvement, the story shows promise and offers an entertaining and imaginative read.

Write on! *Pencil*



*Snow2*          *Swords*          *Snow4*          *Swords*          *Snow2*


Let your imagination run wild.

Set your creativity free.

We are the Free Folk.

And we do not kneel.


The Free Folk image for G.o.T.


DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed within this review are the sole product of the reviewer. They do not necessarily reflect those of the group, activity and/or event in which they are affiliated. Any implementation of suggested edits is at the sole discretion of the piece's writer; they may be used when and where deemed necessary by the writer of the piece and/or disregarded in their entirety. The reviewer releases any and all rights and/or claims to those suggestive edits should they be utilized by the writer of the piece.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
   *NoteR* You have not yet responded to this review. Ignore
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4745457