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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4745331
Review #4745331
Viewing a review of:
 Trees In Fall  [E]
How I see nature
by Freziie
Review of Trees In Fall  
Review by H❀pe
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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Hi Freziie ,

I have the pleasure of an anniversary review for your item as part of the "Game of Thrones challenge. Congratulations upon another year at WDC!

*Hook* Your Hook
Your title is clear, while your subtitle is charming, with a hint of your personality peeking through. You do not assume but say that this is how you see it. This is an endearing opening; and an invitation for readers to come to know you little through reading of your perception.

*BookOpen* Prose
Your poetic style is gentle and descriptive, with good use of metaphor, but not over done of forced. You take us into the memory, and we can feel the fondness, enjoyment, the colours and the variety, and how it affects on so many senses, even spiritually. This is a lively and full-bodied poem.

*HeartBl* Favourite line

these aspen trees are rainbows of warm colors

Although plucking them out of the context of your poem doesn't serve them as well; this phrase felt a beautiful highlight; I could feel the sunlight sparkling down through the leaves as I read this. Just beautiful.

*Hammer* My Recommendations
I would love to see you break this poem up into lines of one sentence each eg.

The trees in fall, they surround me.
Weeping their leaves into the ongoing sea below them.
I look around but can't help but wonder, how many leaves have fallen.


Formatting it this way would allow your readers a moment to digest each line and to more fully appreciate your impressions of this lovely scene.

*Check* Overall
I enjoyed this love affair with autumn leaves and being transported to sharing the moment there with you.

Thank you for sharing your work!


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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