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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4744994
Review #4744994
Viewing a review of:
 Dear Diary Open in new Window. [E]
Writer's Cramp Entry Deadline - 4/11/24 - 685 words
by Jolly Jingle Jtpete Author Icon
Review of Dear Diary  Open in new Window.
Review by Annette Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.


Hello Jolly Jingle Jtpete Author Icon

First impression:

Presented in diary form, this short story that fictionalizes the Atlantic crossing by a young woman or girl with a nanny to keep her company and take care of her was a fun read.

What works:

You did a really good job at replicating what a young writer of the time would have sounded like. The words are innocent and worry free. I can understand her annoyance at having to eat the same food as everyone else. At the same time, there also appears to be a discrepancy between Jannie's expectations as to how rich she is and the reality of the ticket that her parents bought for her.

What needs work:

There is a discrepancy between April 10 and April 11. First Jannie says that she is getting her own room. But on April 11 she complains that Nanny snores at night. Jannie could not know that if they have separate rooms.

the worst has past *Right* The underlined word should be "passed."

Final thoughts:

The sinking of the Titanic was very tragic. It is a somber reminder of all the things that can go wrong when people don't really know what they are doing. Recently, I learned that the Titanic sank because it tried to avoid the iceberg instead of taking it head on. Apparently, the Titanic was built to be an ice breaker, but not with its side.

Although Jannie is fiction, I can imagine that there were many young people on the ship who had similar thoughts as those that you express in this story.

Annette
"The WDC Angel Army" Open in new Window.


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