GROUP

The Iron Bank of Braavos  (13+) For G.o.T. Activity #1994693 by Creeper Of The Realm

"Game of Thrones"  Hello fellow writer! My name is Sandra. I am one of the sly foxes. Title: Coming Home First Impression: Aww, this is a heartfelt tearjerker of a story. I have never known anyone who served in the military. I respect it is considered a duty, an honour a flash of patriotism. It definitely is not all glory and heroism. It can create gaping chasms of grief and devastation. There is more than enough loss to go around. What needs your attention: "Gapping maw of the hole." This is a powerful image, but isn't it spelled 'gaping'? "She turned but nothing was there." I believe a comma is missing in action. Sorry, these are nit picky things.What part I liked best: I enjoyed reading this entire story. You presented stark imagery that coincides with grief. "Heard the jolting crack of rifle fire." I have never understood the gun fire salute. It sounds terrible and violent especially so if the deceased died because of gun wounds. Jack did come home just not in the preferred manner, or with the anticipated outcome. There was a surprise waiting for Lisa in her vehicle. Painting this scene you evoke bittersweet feelings and sorrow for Lisa's inconsolable loss. She faces a much different pregnancy now as a widow. Sad, but true. Life carries on. Jack has created a legacy. You utilized the given prompt words and crafted a moving, realistic tale. You display a deft touch with a constrained number of words. I do not believe this story could improve or needs to with extra wordage. It is brief like Jack and Lisa's time together. Your title says it all. Jack came home. Overall Impression: Nicely written sentimental story of an unforeseen homecoming for a military man. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure. What does the fox say??? Listen carefully.(1898 characters)DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions in this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.