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 Review #4744386 |
 | A Green Christmas  [E] Timmy's been bad, but learns a lesson from a Christmas Eve visitor  |
| Hallo Max Griffin 🏳️🌈 ! I will be reviewing your work "A Green Christmas " on behalf of "House Targaryen Points" for "Game of Thrones"  Content: The challenge for this particular writing exercise - set about by his local writing group - was to write a short story based around Christmas time, incorporate the sci-fi, horror, or fantasy genre, set it in the winter solstice and have the world 'whelve' show up in there somewhere. Wow. Your writing group doesn't try to make things easy, do they? Pluses:And yet you managed to pull it off with this story, so kudos on checking off all that was required. We've got our troubled protagonist - young Timmy - who feels that he's been wronged since the incident that took place was clearly his sister's fault. So what if he ended up painting her in shades of green and red? It was the Christmas season after all, wasn't it? Timmy feels that no one is on his side and feels slighted that his parents would send him on a 'time-out' to think about what he's done. He manages to convince his parents that he'll be of good behaviour, but his inner thoughts prove otherwise. The dialogue was quite interesting actually; because we get to hear Timmy the kid act the role that his parents expect, but the inner Timmy is anything but innocent. I'm sure his parents would be aghast to know exactly what he thinks of most things. Probably will want to increase his visits to the child psychologist (that whole situation is a whole other matter by the way - therapy for kids at that age already? Unless he's murdered someone...why? But! I digress). Timmy makes a detour to see the gifts purchased for Christmas, and is shocked to see the guests that suddenly make an appearance to visit him. Now, this was a very well done section as you do a great job capturing the tone of the ever lovable (Santa) Yoda and his trusted side kick R2. His sage advice to Timmy is one that has the boy contemplating his actions and not wanting to give in to the 'bad side' anymore. A good lesson learned all around. Suggestions:Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best. As much as I enjoyed Timmy's POV, I did feel that some of his thoughts were a wee bit too adult for his age. I mean, I'm sure there are brilliant kids out there, and I think you did mention he was gifted, but there were some moments there where he had thoughts I'd expect from a teenager at most. Just a personal opinion.    Aside from that, I thought it was a very fun read, and I thank you for sharing it with us. Keep on writing!  Disclaimer: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 04/13/2024 @ 8:14am EDT