Hi Sarah Rae .

I'm JACE , and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "Motherhood" .

I invite your attention to the comments below. Please bear in mind these notes are from one on the outside looking in; ultimately only you can decide what's right for your story.

  Overall Impression. This is such a sad state of existence. And yet how often does this very situation happen for so many women. Looking back on how my own children were raised and I'm sure I fell short in the help department. Most men do. And it's not for any lack of compassion, I'm sure.

But however we justify our actions (or lack, thereof), mothers bear the brunt of these situations. I submit that being a grandparent offers a chance to change these situations by offering words of advice and encouragement to the mothers in our children's lives.

You paint a pretty accurate picture of a mother trying to cope with the daily tedium experienced with raising a small infant. After all, while breast-feeding, only the mother can feed the little one. That shouldn't absolve the father of helping however he can. Clean up duties, including dishes and toys, would help immensely; anything would help alleviate the mother's feelings of inadequacy.

  Technical and Editorial Considerations. I normally list those areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing here--punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc.

          Make your opening stronger by making two distinct sentences.  Tears fell into her pillow, silent tears she only shed at night when she knew nobody would see or hear them.  Tears fell into her pillow. Silent tears she only shed at night when she knew nobody would see or hear them.

          Please read this line out loud. I think you need to add an action verb to make it a complete sentence.  She spent an hour of rocking her mewling infant, silently pleading with the child to fall back asleep, only to have him wake when she tried to put him down.  

Favorite Part.

 To paraphrase, I feel the apparent ease in which the mother took care of the toddler while focusing on the infant should be considered a win for the mother.

My Rating.  4.5. 

Thank you for sharing this offering. Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .